Thank you, Stavely Head, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, have you ever gone to sleep knowing exactly what you wanted to write in an introduction, then woken up not remembering a single word of it? Nott one? We...can't remember if we have or not, but, if we had, it must have been awful!
Enjoy,This Is Canada's Finest Hour. And, It's Darkest Moment.
Circular logic has been around since at least the discovery of the wheel, and thank goodness it has! Without it, what would cavemen have used to confuse and blow up evil computers? To the long list of paradoxical reasonings that have accumulated over time, we should now proudly add the Harper Paradox!
The original formulation of the Harper Paradox went: "You are a terrorist organization because we say you are. We say you are a terrorist organization because you are." (Some of the language may have been borrowed from the American Dubya Paradox, but why spoil a proud Canadian moment?) As you can see from the illustration above, this paradox is flexible enough to apply to a variety of related situations.
Canadians should be very proud. And, heartily ashamed.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=808&dir=bb]
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"History Doesn't Even Need To Be On A Hunger Strike. I'm Just Fascinated By All The Things You Can Do To People's Asses!"
In response to the publication of a 500 page excerpt of a 6,000 page report on the CIA's use of torture (SPOILER ALERT: the CIA used torture. A lot. Despite the fact that, as experts had repeatedly said it would, it gave them very little useful information. A lot, lot, lot.), former Vice President Dick Cheney left his crypt to defend his administration. Not only did they not torture terrorists, he maintained, but he would never apologize for doing whatever was necessary to protect Americans.
"You think I give a rat's ass about history?" Cheney sneered (patent pending). "Let's see how history would respond to 38 straight days of solitary confinement, sleeping wet and naked on a cold, hard floor. Throw in the occasional waterboarding and rectal feeding, and I'll bet history would confess that I was right all along!"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49781-2014Dec17.html]
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SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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It Was Just Your Bad Iqalukka, I Guess...
The Harper Government of Canada was embarrassed on Wednesday when Minister of Fustiness and Blowhardery Peter Iqalukka spoke to a real journalist rather than to an employee of the company it pays to create news articles and video to be freely distributed to actual newspapers and television news shows.
"If we don't count the joke about the harp seal, the Liberal bagman and the thousand happy face balloons, Peter didn't say anything that could embarrass the government," Prime Minister Stephen Harper allowed. "However, it's the principle of the thing: if we allow one Minister to speak to an actual reporter, it might give ideas to others. Then, all hell could break loose!"
"It was an honest mistake," Iqalukka whined (expect it to be added to his portfolio in the coming days). "Canada News Corporation, News Canada, Limited - if they didn't want to be mistaken for a real news outlet, they shouldn't have chosen a name that made them sound like a real news outlet!"
SOURCE: Wryerson Journalism Review
[http://www.wryerson.ca/wrj/online/majunder-eyewash1.html]
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I'm Shocked, Shocked That The Right Would Use This Issue To Divert Attention From The CIA Torture Report! In Recent Years, They Have Proven To Be A Party Of Substance!
Double Captain Renault Moment (noun phrase): A Captain Renault moment is a statement of disingenuous outrage. This refers to the scene in the film Casablanca when the French police Captain (Claude Rains) states "I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!" just before he is handed his winnings. A Double Captain Renault Moment occurs when two or more disingenuous statements of outrage stem from the same event. EXAMPLE: I'm shocked, shocked that North Korea would dare attack American freedom of speech by threatening audiences who were planning to see The Interview! It's not like they're a Stalinist dictatorship that controls all communications within their own borders! Oh, and I'm shocked, shocked that Sony Pictures pulled the film from theatres because of the possibility of lawsuits if the threats were acted upon. They have always put art above profit!
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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Voters Thought They Were Getting A Political Thriller - Imagine Their Disappointment!
I looked across the aisle at the government benches and deep into the eyes of the Premier. They were strong eyes. Hard eyes, but fair. Eyes that promised a wild, passion-filled ride if only I would submit to his authority. But, could I give up my own caucus, my own power, and allow my party's identity to dissolve in his? Are you kidding? For those eyes? Yes. YES! YES!
- excerpt from the romance novel From Wildrose to Mild Pose by Danielle Smith
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.43.79/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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REMEMBER: Sometimes A Joke About A Cigar Is Just A Joke About A Cigar
After over 50 years of hostility, the United States has renewed diplomatic relations with Cuba. "They're this tiny little island in the middle of nowhere that isn't a threat to anybody, especially the world's sole superpower," stated President Barack Obama. "To be honest with you, I had completely forgotten they existed until Sasha pointed it out to me and asked why we were so angry with them. When I couldn't give her an answer, I knew we had to end our embargo."
"This is a humane and rational policy," said Speaker of the House John Boehner. "We'll do our best to overturn it when Republicans take control over both houses of Congress in January."
SOURCE: CBBS News
[http://www.cbbsnews.com/stories/2014/12/21/international/main542715.shtml]
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