Thank you, Asphodelle Gossart, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we thought it was ridiculous that Black Friday had stretched to a week without addressing the fact that there were six other days in that time period. Now, we could try to get the world to change all of the days for that week into Fridays, but that seemed unlikely to happen. So, instead, we would suggest changing the name of the event on a daily basis. So, the day after Black Friday would be called Ebony Saturday. The following day could be Inky Sunday. Then, Dark Monday, Gloomy Tuesday and Murky Wednesday. Finally, we could ease ourselves out of the shopping frenzy with Grey Thursday.
And, the beauty part? Given the time of year, these day names could double as weather forecasts!
Enjoy,"Would You Like To Make A Deposit?" Means "Would You Like To Make A Deposit"
When somebody claiming to represent the men's movement says that they don't hate women, that they just want to make sure that men's rights aren't trampled in the rush to secure women's rights, you want to take them at their word. You want to believe them. Then, one opens his pretty little mouth, and the stupid just gushes right out.
Gustavus X. Setz has put his mouth in his foot on the Men Will Not Be Silenced! Web site on many previous occasions. Last month, for example, he wrote that bank robbers, the vast majority of whom are male, are often led on by bank tellers, the majority of whom are women, that the tellers are "asking for it" because of the "provocative way they ask male customers for their passbook." But, his latest screed goes far beyond that:
Here is what needs to change: since allegations of assault and bank robbery carry such devastating penalties for the men accused of those crimes, it should be a crime to name a man. Period. Victims should file criminal charges and the accused should be granted anonymity until convicted. We need court-ordered and enforced anonymity for men accused of bank robbery. For women accused of bank robbery, too. Without a conviction, without evidence, without proof, no one gets to call anyone else a bank robber. The feminist media has made it absolutely clear that they will override any considerations of due process or justice when it comes to slandering and libelling men accused of bank robbery. They will abuse the power they have and that is unacceptable.
With "sympathetic" men espousing opinions like these, is it any wonder that as many as 90 per cent of bank robberies go unreported?
SOURCE: Womyn's e-Vents
[http://www.womynsevents.fem/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1207]
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Plenty Healthy My Asthmatic Ass!
Buried in the current omnibus budget bill being studied by Parliament is a plan to demote the chief public health officer of Canada. He will no longer hold a deputy minister rank, he will have no direct line to the federal minister of health, he will be subservient to a bureaucratic agency president and he will have no secure public funding.
"Canadians are plenty healthy," said Health Minister Rona Ambrose. "If we were any more healthy, we would drop dead from the sheer bliss of it. So, chief public health officer? Pfft! Who needs 'im?"
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2014/11/29/healthyskepticismrequired141129]
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Political Pundits Hit Especially Ha - Oh. Somebody's Knocking On My Door - Excuse Me A Moment, Will You?
China's State Administration for Press, Publication, Radio, Film and Television has banned the use of puns in the media, claiming that they may confuse and mislead the public, especially children.
"It's been pundemonium in our journals and on our screens!" exclaimed a member of the Administration. "I mean, even the pundas in the zoos were doing it! But, Chinese is not Punjabi! If people who have a punchant for such wordplay are allowed to go unpunished, it will destroy the pundamental underpunnings of our civilization, causing it to collapse under an avalanche of bad jokes!"
After a moment of reflection, she added: "I'm going to have to fine myself stiffly for that statement!"
SOURCE: Demi-TASS
[http://en.demi-tass.com/world/744164]
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Stopping The Number Of Children Living In Poverty From Going Up Would Be A Good Place To Start
Twenty-five years ago, the federal government vowed to end child poverty in Canada by the year 2000. To celebrate the anniversary of this event, the current government has vowed to end child poverty in Canada by the year 2050.
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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42 - Not That That Will Do You Any Good...
From a class handout for Soc 183: Class Warfare Lives!
CHAD WHITMAN: Brad?
BRAD WHITEHORSE: Yes, Chad?
CHAD: Have you seen the new girl in class?
BRAD: What, Vivian, do you mean?
CHAD: Yes. That's the one.
BRAD: I have, indeed. What about her?
CHAD: Did you see the way she barged into class, almost knocking Melinda Whitehall down?
BRAD: No, but I have heard of the incident. Shocking. Absolutely unheard of!
CHAD: Just so. And, the way she snaps her gum while the rest of us are hard at work trying to memorize our times tables - so vulgar!
BRAD: Indeed. Did you know that Vivian's mother works as a...I can hardly bring myself to say it...maid for the Wright-Whites?
CHAD: No, I hadn't, although, now that you mention it, it does explain a lot. Oh, Brad! We have to find a way to get her out of Orinda Elementary - she's just not our kind of people.
BRAD: It would be for the best. She'll be more comfortable in a school with her own kind.
CHAD: By the by, did you read The Cat in the Hat last night like we were supposed to?
BRAD: Don't be absurd. I had my people do it for me. Erm...seven times six - any idea what that might be? You know I've never been good with numbers...
STUDY QUESTIONS
1. What "kind" are Chad and Brad?
2. What "kind" is Vivian likely to be?
3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the health of the American Dream when education officials in a wealthy white enclave hire a private detective to determine the residence of a seven year-old Latino student with the aim of kicking her out of their elementary school?
SOURCE: Bjork University Web Site
[http://www.bjorku.ca/index.html]
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