Thank you, Tamsyn Burgmann, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, do you remember when a reward was something you got for doing something especially difficult, unusual or socially important, not for buying a bunch of shit you don't need using a piece of plastic the fees for which you can't afford?
Enjoy,The Honeymoon Was Over Years Before It Had Started
INT. WHITE HOUSE MEETING ROOM - DAY
The President and the House Majority leader-elect are holding a joint press conference.
MITCH MCCONNELL: To show that I can be magnanimous in victory, I would like to make conciliatory gestures towards the President.
BARACK OBAMA: That's nice. Better late than never, I suppose. Still, I have been making conciliatory gestures towards the Republicans since I was first elected six years ago.
MCCONNELL: That may be, but I think that the voters will find me more conciliatory.
OBAMA: Are you questioning the sincerity of my conciliatoriousness?
MCCONNELL: I'm saying that the electorate will see that I have more conciliatorosity in my little finger than you have in your whole body!
OBAMA: Oh, yeah? I could out-conciliatory your sorry ass any day of the week!
MCCONNELL: Fine!
OBAMA: Fine!
Long, not very conciliatory pause.
MCCONNELL: So. Conciliatory gestures.
OBAMA: Conciliatory gestures back at ya, pal!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227521]
more
Not To Be Confused With Easy Off, Because Once You Get The Crazy On You, It's Almost Impossible To Get It Off!
Some days, it's hard to make a choice, you know? On the one hand, your wife is a great cook; on the other, your mistress is a tigress in bed. Not, uhh, that I'm speaking from personal experience. Noooooooooo, no, no, no, no! That was merely a...an illustrative example of a difficult choice. That I have heard of. Because this week, I just cannot decide between two different, but equally demented, approaches to life.
Looks like we got us a Crazy-off!
Pastor Gordon Klingenschmitt's rant (on the...we couldn't call him left, so let's say not as far right) sort of reminds me of the Tom Lehrer song "We'll All Go To Hell When We Go," but I may not be remembering that correctly. His sermons in the First Church of Our Lady of the Perpetual Crazy must be a lot of fun...as long as you're straight. And, I would guess, white. And, it probably helps to have money, too, because those 10,000 seat chapels don't pay for themselves! Although, Klingenschmitt undoubtedly would accept money from the poor because the Lord helps those who help themselves.
Which brings up the question of which is worse: a pastor who spews hate against a whole group of people, or one who targets his hatred towards a specific person. I'm thinking here of Pastor Stephen L. Anderson, who has a Lot riding on vilifying the current President; if nothing else, they were both wedded to the idea of pillars of salt.
Both Klingenschmitt and Anderson are swimming in the shallow end of the soup tureen, and both use the bible as his very own Personal Crazy Justification Machine (patent pending). Honestly, I cannot choose between them. So, you go for it. If you think Klingenschmitt is a better candidate for the Bag of Crazy, tweet #GorKling. If Anderson is your choice, tweet #StephAnd. If you believe that somebody basing his personal hatred on the New Testament is less sacrilegious than pointing out that somebody is basing his personal hatred on the New Testament, feel free to text #KarlPutz.
And, may the best loon win.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
more
Giving The Phrase "Doubling Down" A Whole New Urgency
The Harper Government of Canada has introduced a law that would make it a punishable offence for immigrants to allow their horses, reindeer, gnus, wildebeests or elephants to defecate on city streets. Punishments would include deportation to another country, deportation to another planet if no country would agree to take the convicted criminal and deportation to another universe if no planet in this one would agree to take the convicted criminal.
"There are already laws against animals defecating in the streets," pointed out opposition leader Thomas "Tom the Piper's Son" Mulcair. "This law would appear to be targeting a specific group. And, you know, that isn't very nice. No to mention unconstitutional. But, mostly, just unnice. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear an election was going to be called soon..."
"The Keeping Women and Children Safe From the Barbaric Animal Husbandry of Recent Hordey Waves of Immigrants Act is completely fair and balanced!" Prime Minister Harper insisted. "I mean, constitutional. Fair and constitutional. We just think rules are taken more seriously when they're enshrined in the law twice. In fact, we believe that such an important principle may require the passage of a third law, and even a fourth if Parliament has nothing better to do. Those hordes aren't getting any less hordey, you know!"
"Definitely an election," Mulcair muttered morosely.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2014/11/07/hordey&how141107]
more
He Doesn't Look A Day Over [Insert Your Grandmother's Age Here]!
And, we'd like to give a big shoutout to Socrates who, if he hadn't died prematurely, would have been 3,413 years old today!
SOURCE: C-DIK - Big Dick Radio
[http://www.edgy095.com/]
more
Pay Attention To What's NOT On The List
Republicans have taken control of the Senate as well as the House of Representatives. What is their legislative agenda for the next two years?
TO DO
1. Impeach the President.SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-3cahs01.html]
more
Definitely NOT The Kind Of Butterfly Effect Predicted By Chaos Theory
The Harper Government of Canada is helping families by turning expensive for-profit daycare centres into butterflies. That's right. Butterflies. Beautiful butterflies. Millions and millions of butterflies. So many butterflies, in such colourful swarms, that your children will be captivated by them for hours and hours and hours. And, while they are sitting enrapt on the sidewalk, you can go about your business.
Measures subject to Parliamentary approval. And, the laws of physics.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1738952104]
more
