Thank you, Magma Enare, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we were saddened by the death of Lauren Bacall. She was the woman who taught us how to whistle when we were still young enough to be exploring what our lips were for. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and...anyway, she was so sultry, we were afraid our small black and white TV screens would burn up every time she - what? What do you mean, "Who is Lauren Bacall and why should I care?" Have you never heard of The Big Sleep? To Have and Have Not? Scooby Doo and the Goblin King? How could you not know that she recently died? What? Really?
Robin Williams sure sucked all the air out of the room of celebrity deaths last week!
Enjoy,Good To See You - Hate What You've Done With The Place
There can be no peace in the Middle East until Arabs recognize the right of the State of Israel to exist. That means that they will have to give up their irrational anti-Semitism, because
There should be an all out war on Palestinian society, "including its elderly and women, its cities and its villages, its properties and its infrastructure." (Jewish Home Party member of the Knesset Ayelet Shaked)
Sorry about that - no idea how that got in there. So, where was I? Oh, yeah. The unreasoning, deep-seated Arab hatred for Jews is the largest stumbling block to peace in the Middle Ea
The Israeli Defense Forces should attack "all the military and infrastructural targets with no consideration for 'human shields...' The IDF will conquer the entire Gaza, using all means necessary to minimize any harm to our soldiers, with no other considerations." (Likud Party Deputy Speaker of the Knesset Moshe Feiglin)
Okay. Sorry for the interruptions. I have no idea where they're coming from. They should not, however, distract us from my central point, which is that the unreasoning, unwavering hatred of Jews by Palestinians is the main
"Death to Arabs! Kill all Arabs! Kill all Arabs!" (increasingly common cry among Israelis)
HEY! CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN OUT THERE? I'M TRYNNA MAKE A POINT HERE!
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1048221596735]
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It's Uttar Madness
If you cannot recognize the suffering of the people on the other side of your war, you cannot be taken seriously when you say you want peace. Unfortunately, that leaves only about seventeen people in the world who can be believed when they say they want peace, and most of them live in Uttar Pradesh.
SOURCE: Martini's Up Canada! Blog
[http:martini.upcanada.blogspeck.com]
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[DUH!] Truth Hurts
Farcebook is planning on adding a tag to ensure that satirical articles are recognized as such by its users. The tag will read: "[DUH!]"
"This may strike some users as...hostile," said Farcebook spokesweasel Deedee Spivy. "But, honestly, ferrets fighting to separate from Ukraine? Old people leaving their earthly belongings to a Get a Life avatar in the shape of a watermelon with arms, legs and a mouth that won't stop talking about stock derivatives? House Republicans actually passing a sensible law? Anybody who believes this stuff really needs to get a clue!"
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/140825/geeklynews/01butcluesaresohardtocomeby.htm]
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He Actually Has Some Place Wholesome Inside Of Him? Who Knew?
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has rejected calls for a national inquiry into Canada's murdered and missing aboriginal women. "Any inquiry would make it look like the RCMP isn't concerned with the fate of aboriginal women," Harper stated, "and, I like the RCMP. Police give me a warm, tingly feeling inside. Never mind where - some place wholesome, I assure you. The important thing is that they're doing their best - I mean, they're really, really, really trying - and I wouldn't want the RCMP to look unconcerned about the fate of aboriginal women."
When asked if the rejection of an inquiry makes the Harper Government of Canada look like it isn't concerned with the fates of aboriginal women, the Prime Minister responded: "Of course not! We - it - look. We are worried - no, concerned - no, vaguely interested in - look. It's a...a...a measured response to...to...to...SHUT UP!"
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2014/08/20/503727.html]
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So, You Wanted The Movie To Be More Saccharine? Or, Is Your Use Of The English Language Not Very Dexterous?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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That's Funny, Because Trying To Understand Some Catholic Church Doctrine Hurts Mine
The Archdiocese of Cincinnati has told Catholic schools not to do the popular "ice bucket challenge" to help fund research for the ALS Association.
"Getting ice water poured over your head is not - you should pardon the expression - kosher because it is a sacrilegious parody of baptism," said archdiocesan spokesman Stephen Trosley. "Besides, having ice pelt your head hurts!"
SOURCE: Unicycle
[http://www.unicycle.com/new.php?p=articles&id=542&but=allis1]
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Oh, Meow! - Somebody's Been Into The Catnip!
The Internet sensation Grumpy Cat had to cancel several stops on a recent visit to Toronto. Tabby Bundesen, GC's stage mommy, said that rumours that the fed up feline was suffering from an uncontrollable bout of "happiness" were unfounded.
"It was probably just indigestion that caused her to look like she was smiling," Bundesen explained. "It certainly wasn't anything approaching...pleasantness, because - I gotta tell ya - Grumpy has never been pleasant in her life!"
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2014/08/17/504727.html]
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That, And Our Hefty Fee For Writing The Report
Canada's surge in part-time employment isn't necessarily a sign of a broken labour market, economists argue.
"Many people prefer job insecurity and working fewer hours for less pay and benefits," said a report by Toronto-Dominion Bank economists Randall Bartlett and Derek Burleton. "We call these people 'option-deprived, panic-driven economic marginals. You'd be surprised how many of them are out there."
Unless we've been paying attention, in which case we wouldn't be surprised at all. And, what exactly is the difference between being an option-deprived, panic-driven economic marginal and being desperate? "Blame," the report responded.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=56ddccd7-f6f3-7f4f-9f29-a2eb4cc6a312]
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