The Daily Me - Granma Mean

Thank you, Granma Mean, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we read Republican New Hampshire state Representative Kyle Tasker, an opponent of the National Black Caucus of State Legislators, ask, "How do I join the white caucus of state legislators?" Before we could even answer the question with, "Get elected?", Tasker went on to ask: "So what are the likes/dislikes of the black caucus that precludes white people from joining? I'm fond of rap music..."

Some politicians should not be on Facebook. By law, if necessary.

Why Not? Look At How Well Avoiding Prevention Has Worked For The Health Of Canadians!

Oxfam Canada has been told by the Canadian Revenue Agency that it can no longer try to prevent poverty, it can only try to ease poverty once it exists. Prevention is political; easeing - easement - easention? - is charitable. The CRA argued that preventing poverty could lead the organization to help really rich people from losing their fortunes.

"Yeeeeah, the CRA ruling was quite a blow," allowed Oxfam Canada Executive Director Robert Fox. "We had to cancel the Brazilian Billionaires Benefit Ball - think of all the refunds we'll have to give the kids in favelas! And, all of our work with Russian oligarchs - you know, to show them how to hide their assets so they don't lose them? - well, that will probably end up being for naught. Ah, well. We're comforted by the knowledge that we'll see the wealthy again on bread lines."

SOURCE: Glob and Maul

[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20140732.eladvote0732_@/BNStory/newsOops2014/]
more

Being A Doodyhead Isn't A High Crime, So We're Gonna Go With Misdemeanour

The White House is objecting to a lawsuit brought against the President by the GOP that claims he has "been acting like a doodyhead." "There has never been a case in any American court that used the word doodyhead," White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest stated. "We...we're a little confused at what the legal principle is, here."

In response, House Speaker John Boehner tweeted: "Every President cheats at rock-paper-scissors and taunts other kids in the schoolyard when he can. Most, though, do so within teh law." Then, perhaps realizing that that didn't really explain anything, Boehner added: "NBC v Starliner Novelties if you don't believe me."

"Uhh, yeah," Earnest earnestly said. "The way I read that ruling, it was actually against a company that made Howdy Doody bobblehead dolls without permission of the rights holder and named them 'Howdy Doodyheads.' I'm afraid I don't see the relevance."

"Oh, you will," Boehner smugged for the cameras. "Come November, you will."

SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer

[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1706703400266670.xml]
more

And, Blair's Not Getting Another Term - What's Your Point?

The controversial procedure of carding - where police stop and question people without probable cause and demand that they produce documents proving that they are who they claim to be - is being conducted at a historic low, probably because the procedure is, you know, controversial and stuff.

Not to worry, Toronto! Police Chief Bill Blair has assured us that they are carding people who are blacker, on average, than before in order to make sure that some kind of balance of racial injustice is maintained. "Everybody has expectations of what we do," Chief Blair stated, "including members of the black community, and we don't want t

Hey! Wait a minute! Didn't we stop publishing last month?

SOURCE: The Matrixxx

[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/life/advice/the-blair-bitch-project/]
more

Practicing Restraint - Being Put In Restraints: It's A Fine Line...

The Russian government has accused Ukraine of firing a volley of mortar rounds into the country.

"By the Israeli Theory of Retributive Justice," a Russian security official commented, "we would be within our rights to kill a thousand civilians, lay waste to a couple of Ukrainian cities and put a blockade in place that would cripple its economy and make getting necessities in the country difficult, if not impossible. But, did we? No. Our allies just killed a couple of hundred civilians and concentrated on destroying a single city."

With a smug grin, the official added: "Many countries could learn a lesson from our restraint!"

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s220/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/
DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=87879]
more

The Journey To The Center Of The Mind (As Imagined By H. R. Giger)

So. Yeah. That. The Bag of Crazy doesn't like to pick on rock stars, because, you know, drugs and alcohol. On the other hand, Ted Nugent. Check and mate to appeals to compassion.

Now, you might think that comparing the only Republican Jewish member of Congress to a Nazi was a little...out there, especially since, you know, Jews control the banking system and stuff. That'll make it harder to get campaign contributions, boy! But, that's the dilemma today's right wing faces, isn't it? The stupid have been indulging the insane for so long that the insane think they own the joint!

And, holy heaping beating a dead horse that nobody even knew was in the race, folks: who the heck is Saul Alinsky? I've asked all of the political historians in the Bag of Crazy, but all I got in return were gibberish filled rants. Okay. I should have expected that. Still, if the right insists upon harping on this guy, I may just have to read some of what he wrote!

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
more

I Hope You'll Appreciate The Tickets To The Ball Game/Roses/Nothing (You're Just A Postman, After All) (Choose One) I Got You To Celebrate!

On this special day, we take a moment to celebrate those who are most important to us: our dads/moms/postmen (choose one)! You were always there for me when I needed somebody to look up to/make me lunch/deliver my parents' unemployment checks (choose one), and I will always be grateful to you for that!

I will always cherish the time we spent playing ball in the backyard/doing the dishes/discussing sports as you handed me the family bills (choose one) together. We made memories that I will cherish until the day I die/try to get past in therapy/probably forget the moment I have handed you this card, but memories nonetheless (choose one).

SOURCE: Hellmark Greeting Cards

[http://www.hellmark.com/hmk/Website/Shopping/sh_eg_home.jsp?BV_SessionID=@@@@0644589816.1064367971@@@@&BV_EngineID=hadcllcgffdibedcfchcgn.0]
more