The Daily Me - Anna Gramme

Thank you, Anna Gramme, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, right wing darling Dinesh D'Souza pled guilty to violating campaign finance laws; in the worst case, he could go to jail for a couple of months. This must not be allowed to happen! Supporters should picket the courtroom shouting slogans like, "Hell, no! Okay, he'll go!" Or, to protest against what could be characterized as an attack on free speech, they could put masking tape over their eyes and hope they don't bang into the Supreme Court building on the way in. As a last resort, everybody could bring a copy of D'Souza's latest book and wave it around before...burning it?

Hey! Can we help it if the right is a little rusty when it comes to social protest not involving guns or the blood of patriots?

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

This Is Your Political Representative On Drug Legislation

MAN: I've heard that some other people's governments actually allow adults to ingest whatever relatively harmless substances they want without the threat of criminal prosecution.

WOMAN: Oh, yeah? Well, I've heard that other people's governments don't try to manipulate their citizens' love for their children to get them to support draconian anti-drug legislation.

MAN: Umm, this isn't a competition, dear.

WOMAN: Okay. Sorry.

MAN: Still, your point is well taken. What kind of government wouldn't use all of the social engineering tools at its disposal to get its population to go along with its primitive, fiscally irresponsible, inhumane policies?

WOMAN: Obviously, one that didn't care about the health of its people.

MAN: Or, at least, the health of the flow of campaign contributions from its base.

WOMAN: I knew health was in there somewhere.

MAN: It's a good thing our government isn't like that.

WOMAN: It sure is, Bill.

MAN: What did we say, honey? No names! No names!

BIG VOICE ANNOUNCER: Don't feel so smugly superior, Bi - I mean, man and woman: it's not just other people's governments that can be lax on drugs. Sixty per cent of Canadians voted for a party that would legalize pot or ally itself with a party that would legalize pot (depending upon which of our commercials you're listening to at the moment). Don't take fear for granted! Stop the lack of judicial abuse!

SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama

[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/reefermadnesseh.shtml]
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Then, He Wearily Shook His Head And Prepared For A Primary Challenge

Republican Texas State Representative David Simpson caused quite a stir at a Town Hall Meeting last week. Simpson pointed out that children crossing the border from Mexico were fleeing lives of violence and abuse, including gangsters who specialize in trafficking children as sex slaves, and should, therefore, be treated with compassion.

"Compassion?" constituent Marshall Bollocks-Excedrin mused. "I...I've heard that word before. Is it a big club they used to use to punish evildoers in the village square in the seventeenth century?"

"No, wait," countered Maria Marque-Moyronovitz. "Compassion was a hippie commune in California in the sixties." To emphasis her disgust, she spit on the floor - or, at least, the shoes of the person sitting next to her - at 77, her spitting skills are not quite what they used to be, even if her outrage level has never faltered.

Simpson tried to explain that compassion was a quality that Jesus preached in the New Testament, but he didn't get very far.

"No, that's not it," Marque-Moyronovitz insisted. "I'm a God-fearing woman - I would know if compassion was in the Bible, and I'm sure it ain't!"

SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer

[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1127749859367020.xml]
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There Ain't A Painkiller In The World That Can Help You Cope With A Casgrain Headache!

two sad) Why was Therese Casgrain's image replaced with the image of an icebreaker on the Canadian fifty dollar bill in 2012? a) have you ever seen her profile? Trust me, nobody would know the difference!
b) it's far more socially useful: obviously, when you're at a party where you don't know many people, you can't start a conversation with a Therese Casgrain!
c) who the hell is Therese Casgrain?

three card Monte) She fought for the right of Quebec women to vote, which they finally won in 1940. She also became the first female leader of a political party in Canada, heading the CCF in Quebec. It seems like a legacy worth celebrating. So, why did the Harper Government of Canada close down the Therese Casgrain Volunteer Award in 2010, replacing it a year later with the Prime Minister's Volunteer Award? a) the Prime Minister was choosing the volunteer award winners, so why shouldn't he get the cred - oh, sorry. Nobody's supposed to know that. I meant, because nobody really knew who Casgrain was, and the Harper Government of Canada certainly wasn't about to educate anybody, so - you know, maybe you should have just left this answer blank...
b)
c) at least you're learning. Oh, and, seriously, who the hell is Therese Casgrain?

four shame, sirs! Four shame!) Sigh. a) that's not a question. Not that there's anything wrong with that - lots of perfectly fine sentences are not questions. It's just that, when you're playing 20 questions, you kind of have to, you know, ask a question
b) interrogativist!
c) okay, sure, call me names if you must, but if people are allowed to make statements when they're supposed to be asking questions, then voles may lay down with seminarians, and anarchy shall be unleashed upon the world! Is that what you want? Really, is that what you want?

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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If I Had A Rocket Launcher, Some Son Of A Bitch Hi Tech Weaponized Airborne Vehicle Would Die!

Controversy erupted at the annual Allen & Co. gathering of business executives [read: billionaires] when Amazon's Jeff Bezos shot a surveillance drone out of the air with a patented Acme Rocket Launcher and Tea Cozy. "Billionaires [read: important people] gotta have privacy," Bezos commented.

"Yeah, I get that," Facebook CEO Jeff Zuckerberg. "Important people [read: us] need their privacy to make important decisions [read: whatever it is we do]. But, come on, that drone you shot out of the sky was one of ours!"

Bezos, who thought he was downing a government drone, apologized profusely and offered Zuckerberg $100 million to "help smooth over this unpleasantness." They disappeared into the meeting for the weekend, so Zuckerberg's response was lost to history.

SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report

[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/140725/geeklynews/01youneverdronealone.htm]
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