Thank you, Spurgeon Vaughn Ratcliffe, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, Canada’s new anti-spam law came into effect on July 1st To comply with the law, we had to send an email asking all of our subscribers to fill out a 20 page questionnaire if they no longer wanted to receive our service. Then, they had to eat the final three pages of the questionnaire, and get a notary public to sign an affidavit that the pages were "no longer available due to unforeseen circumstances." Then, for good measure, they had to strip naked and run through the Parliament building three times while shouting, "I’ll eat it here! I’ll eat it there! I’ll eat it positively anywhere! I love green eggs and spam, Ham-I-Am!"
Naah, we were just messing with ya. We’re not based in Canada - your petty spam laws don’t mean squat to us!
Enjoy,"You’d Have Visual Evidence Of That If My Skin Was Capable Of Turning Red..."
Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner plans on suing Democratic President Barack Obama for overreaching his power using presidential signing orders and, paradoxically, lack of enforcement of laws.
"My Congress has worked very hard to accomplish nothing," Boehner explained. "It takes an iron will and constant vigilance to ensure that no meaningful legislation is passed in six years - you would be surprised at how easily laws can slip through the cracks and get enacted. To have the President actually do things threatens to undo all of our good work.
"And, it’s just plain embarrassing."
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1159349888263762.xml]
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Zero Tolerance, Zero Credibility
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1502533774]
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And, Lo, The Righteous Shall Have Their Prejudices Codified Into Law Because, Hey, What Profiteth A Faith Organization To Buy A Politician And Gain Nothing?
Faith leaders have asked the Obama administration to exempt religious organizations from laws that prevent discrimination against women.
"Laws that do not include a religious exemption will significantly and substantively hamper the work of some religious organizations that are best equipped to serve in common purpose with the federal government," a letter signed by 14 prominent faith leaders, read. "When the capacity of religious organizations is limited, the common good suffers."
First Lady Michelle Obama blinked. "Wait - hasn’t this issue already been decided?" she asked.
SOURCE: This Week in Medievalism
[http://hosted2.twIm.org/APDEFAULT/bbd825583c8542898e6fa7d440b9febc/Article_2014-07-08-FreedomBeat-Free%Rights/id-b420096b78574f468236p6476520b7fe]
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Where Did You Get Your Degree From? The University Of What The Fuck?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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To The Losers, The Spoils!
Interim Ontario Conservative leader Jim Wilson accused the Liberal government of taking a "very arrogant approach" to governing by stacking committees with Liberals. "How are we supposed to slow down Premier Wynne’s agenda," Wilson mused, "if she insists on putting her elected officials in charge of everything?"
"It sounds like something we would have done if we had won a majority," Wilson added with a chuckle. Then, composing a more sombre face, he said, "Ahem! Harrumph! And, all that! Wynne seems to think she can do what she wants just because she won a majority. It’s arrogance! Arrogance, I tell you!"
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2014/07/08/509727.html]
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Republicans Eat Their Own (And Then Get Robot Doubles To Replace Them To Cover Up The Crime)
So. Say you’re running in a primary against a popular incumbent and you not surprisingly lose. What do you do? Do you congratulate your opponent on running a good campaign? Do you skulk away muttering to yourself about his campaign’s dirty tricks (or the relative ineffectiveness of your campaign’s dirty tricks)? Do you take a trip to Disneyland to regroup?
If you are Tea Party candidate Timothy Ray Murray, you claim that the winner, Frank Lucas, was executed in 2011 in southern Ukraine, throwing in the deaths of "a few other Oklahoma and other States’ Congressional members" to bolster your claim. Why does Lucas keep showing up at legislative sessions and public functions if he, you know, no longer functions himself?
The man claiming to be Lucas is a body double. Maybe a clone. Maybe a robot. Maybe just a pug from Podunk with an amazing resemblance. Please - this is a major scandal, let’s not get bogged down with details!
Lucas has denied ever being in the Ukraine and there is no credible video of his "execution." Still, reality is just a minor pothole on the superhighway through the Bag of Crazy...
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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The Dating Site Rejected The Hobby Lobby Account, So You Know It Has Higher Standards Than The Supreme Court
Major corporation seeking same to make beautiful merger together. If it has anything to do with chemicals, I’m there, baby. I’m a firm believer in the Church of Unbridled Capitalism, but willing to be temporarily Catholic if it means I can get out of hiring gays. Just don’t call me prejudiced - I have a lot of faith, is all. I also love children - why, just the other day, I was in a classroom teaching them about the great things that pesticides have done for civilization. "Today’s grade school students are tomorrow’s consumers," I always say. Yeah. I’m philosophical like that. If I’m what you’re looking for (and, how can I not be? I mean, I’m the whole package, baby), drop me a line and we’ll see if we feel the synergy!
BOX 23987
SOURCE: Gadzoosk
[https://www.gadzookzoosk.com/mkt/profile12345-673]
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Always Best To Go With Your First Instinct
Egyptian President Abdel-Fattah el-Sissi has said that he regrets the jailing of three journalists, including one Canadian, on charges of aiding terrorists.
"If I had had them executed like I had originally wanted, there would have been a couple of days of outrage, but that would have blown over and I could have gotten on with destroying my Muslim opposition," el-Sissi said. "This is the thanks I get for showing mercy!"
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2008Jul8.html]
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