Thank you, Laurie Bluecastle, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, watching political theories (not to mention many lives) destroyed in Ukraine, we were reminded of the immortal words of little Billy Shakespeare, who wrote:
There is a Ty-D-Bol in the affairs of men,This may not sound like a call to seize the day, but Shakespeare scholars assure us that it is, and who are we to argue?
Enjoy,Move On, People, Don't Slow Down To GOC - There's Nothing To See Here
Students at George Orwell junior high school in Manitoba were surprised to discover that the RCMP had planted an agent at a bake sale they held to raise funds to save the snowy land shark, an obscure species endangered by global warming.
"Amanda was a little weird for an eighth grader," said student Palumbo Parfait. "She was six feet tall and had a deep voice and a moustache. She said she was just going through a growth spurt, and we wanted to believe her. Really, we did. But, she just never looked comfortable in her Sailor Moon jumpsuit!"
This surveillance came in response to a request by the Government Operations Centre in Ottawa to all federal departments to monitor all public demonstrations. "The GOC doesn't have a legal mandate to issues directives like that," Palumbo, 14, pointed out. "Besides, this is a clear breach of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. All Canadians have the right to freely, peacefully assemble, even those of us who are worried about saving the snowy land shark from extinction."
Shaking her finger, Palumbo added: "Bad, government! Very bad!"
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2014/06/02/dontrcmponmyparade140602]
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Voters Should Be Resigned To More Broken Promises, Or - *SHUDDER* - Kept Ones
Ontario Conservative leader Tim Hudak says he will resign if his platform doesn't result in the creation of a million jobs. Of course, the platform gives him 127 years to do it, so unless his consciousness is uploaded into a computer, it's hard to see how he will be able to keep that promise.
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/news/province/timeline-is-on-his-side/]
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The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword (Unless It's A Really Shiny Sword...)
Egypt's satirical ElBernameg - Arabic for The Program - is off the air, this time for good.
"We opposed the government with jokes and skits and musical numbers," said the host of the show, Bassem Youssef. "The government opposed the show with tanks and helicopter gunboats and drones. No contest, really."
Youssef wryly added: "You know, a simple cancellation notice would have sufficed."
Asked how the end of ElBernameg reflected the growth of political repression in Egypt as military rule returned, American Secretary of State John Kerry shrugged and said, "What do I look like? A TV critic?"
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Progress May Take Many Forms, Including A Lot Which Do Not Look Progressive At All
In response to the Supreme Court striking down a law that endangered the lives of prostitutes, the Harper Government of Canada has introduced a law that not only would make the lives of prostitutes more dangerous, but criminalize some of their behaviour. "In your face, Supremes!" exulted Justice Minister Peter MacKay. After a moment's thought, he added, "I mean, we view the vast majority of those involved in selling sex services as victims, and, of course, we want to do all we can to help them."
In a related story, the Harper Government of etc. has nominated a conservative judge to fill the Supreme Court's Quebec vacancy. This will ensure that when the proposed prostitution law is challenged, it will be rejected by the Court by a vote of only six to one instead of unanimously. "Ah," McKay commented, "time to wake up and smell the progress."
SOURCE: StunnedTV
[http://www.stunnednewsnetwork.ca/shows/the-christians-versus-the-lions.html]
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Oh, I Think We Have A Pretty Good Appreciation Of Denial
Yeah, yeah, the guy who shot 29 women before killing himself hated women. That doesn't mean he represented anything bigger than his own craziness. Lots of ordinary men hate women, but few of us go on a rampage and murder a bunch of them. We may slap one once in a while, but only when she was asking for it and never so hard that she and 28 of her friends will die because of it.
No comparison.
Okay, so he wrote a thousand page manifesto describing in excruciating detail how much he hated women. What does that prove? Lots of stable, sane men write manifestoes describing how much they hate women. Have you never been on the Internet? It proves nothing.
Okay, yeah, sure, this is just the latest in a string of 217 mass murders of women over the past three years. So, what? People who insist upon seeing in this a pattern of social misogyny clearly do not understand human psychology.
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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Sacrifice Is Just Another Word For Nobody Left To Screw
Pity the Ontario voter. I know, I know, it doesn't come naturally to anybody in the rest of Canada, but consider this: in our provincial election, we have a choice between: a relatively new Liberal Premier whose party blew over a billion dollars in an attempt to win ridings in the last election; a Conservative leader whose economic slogan (hardly an actual plan) has been condemned as nonsense by just about all independent economists (many of whom suggest it will send the provincial economy back into a recession), and; a New Democratic Party leader who triggered an election, despite being offered the most progressive budget in years, because she thought she could win seats by abandoning many of her party's long-held positions.
As I have long said: Liberals are corrupt, but Conservatives are evil. And, the NDP? Oh, they're...irrelevant. By choice.
Conservative leader Tim Hudak presents himself as a straight-talking leader who would make the hard decisions. Driving a stake through the heart of public sector unions by laying off 100,000 government employees and cutting corporate taxes to nearly the lowest in North America? Tough choices, Tim. Somebody should tell him that sacrifice is only noble when you make it yourself, not on behalf of others.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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