The Daily Me - Buckminster "Bucky" Sheinfeld

Thank you, Buckminster "Bucky" Sheinfeld, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we read about preserved giant sperm from tiny shrimps that lived about 17 million years ago, and we've been feeling highly inadequate ever since!

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Not Happy With Elections?
How About An Intelligence Test For Politicians?⁰

"I can't remember which founding father said it,¹ but he said, the ability to vote, but vote uninformed is as tragic or as dangerous as having a loaded gun and not know how to use it...² It's a privilege to vote. Yeah, it may be inconvenient.³ But, you know, it's like I tell people and I was told growing up: To be successful is inconvenient. If not, everybody would be successful...⁴ I've had some radical ideas about voting. You used to have to be a property owner to vote.⁵" - Florida Republican Representative Ted Yoho

Notes

0. As if!
1. The one living in your buttockal regions?
2. How is it possible to get elected when you have such contempt for your own supporters? Oh, right: they aren't very...landowning.
3. Especially if we place the voting booth for your district in another country...like Ukraine.
4. You've got to pay off politicians to get legislation favourable to your business...run ad campaigns to convince people they really want to buy your crappy product...lay off as many employees as possible so you can "earn" the funds you save in bonuses (and maybe even let shareholders have a little of it) - I tell ya, I would not have put up with the inconvenience of being a businessman if there weren't so dang much money in it!
5. Because, of course, people who were property couldn't vote. Ah, the days when people were property...

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=796&dir=bb]
more

You Know What They Say: Opinions Are Like Royal Assholes Because Everybody...Umm...Has...Well, Ahh, Maybe They Don't Say Exactly That...

According to a royal expert, Pippa Middleton was wearing a fake ass to give it just the right look during the royal wedding. Seriously. How a royal ass looks at official functions is a matter of strict protocols and, apparently, international concern.

Listen up, writer, editor and reader assholes (and anybody else who contributed to this travesty of journalism)! War is news! Political corruption is news (if not exactly surprising)! The shape of a woman's ass - even a famous woman - is news in the same way that a paper airplane is a good way to travel across the ocean.

I can't believe I have to point out what asses all concerned are making of themselves.

SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole

[http://www.(^!$%!$.htm#_)!(*)!*)*)*.htm#%!&&%(.com/index.html]
more

That's Your Tax Dollars Taking A Vacation From Sanity On A Sandy Beach In An Imaginary Universe

Two people who were put in charge of limiting blood transfusions in one Australian state's hospital system were Jehovah's Witnesses. Despite the fact that JHs are religiously opposed to blood transfusions, this was okay because the men were medical doctors who put the health of patients before all other considerations.

What? The two men were health and economics researchers but not medical doctors? Weeeelllll, okay. But, statistics from the hospitals that they ran show that their decisions actually resulted in healthier patients, right?

Seriously? The relevant ministry refuses to release aggregate statistics about outcomes for relevant patients, so there's no way of verifying claims that the programme was better for them? Dammit, throw me a bone, here! The...the...the patients' doctors had to agree to limits to the number of blood transfusions and the use of alternatives, right? Can you at least give me that?

OOOOWWWWW, REALLY? In many cases, doctors thought their patients needed more blood? Okay, okay, this is officially nuts.

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os
/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=13958]
more

"You Have Your Definition Of Working..."

According to Justice Minister Peter MacKay, the Harper Government of Canada's hard line on criminals, including minimum sentences and making it harder to get parole, is working. Given that they have cut the research budget of the Ministry of Justice by 20 per cent, how can he make such a claim?

"Contributions to the Conservative Party are way, way up!" MacKay exulted.

SOURCE: Canadian Depress

[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
more

If She Goes To Jail, We Have What Geneticist Gregor Mendl Once Called "A Twofer"

South Carolinian Blake Wardell has died at the age of 26 of a gunshot wound to the chest. He had asked a friend, Taylor Ann Kelly, to shoot him to test out a Kevlar vest he had just bought, but her shot missed the vest and hit a vital organ instead.

The gene pool sighed in relief at having just dodged a bullet.

SOURCE: Obits 'R Us

[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
more

It's Not Racism: Gavin's Just Lucky That He's Never Been Pulled Over By Police For Driving While Black

"Eric Holder's attitude is crippling for blacks, because when you portray the world as 'They're out to get you' and 'You can't make it, there's no use even trying...' that's much more harmful than any of this mythical racism they're talking about." - Gavin McInnes, Vice magazine co-founder, responding on Fox News to speeches by Attorney General Holder and First Lady Michelle Obama which reference American racism

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more

If Upheld On Appeal, Most Television Producers Could Get Away With Murder...

Ontario Justice of the Peace Philip Solomon has ruled that a traffic violator was Not Guilty By Reason of Boringness. In his ruling, Solomon said, "Failing to stop for an umber light? Are you kidding me with this shit? You know, I could be at home right now watching Judge Judy!"

Will this set a legal precedent? "Only until it gets tossed out on appeal," said court watcher Enrique Smithsonian. Looking at his watch, he added: "I give it three minutes and 37 seconds."

SOURCE: Toronto Stunned

[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2014/05/12/509727.html]
more

America: Love It Or Leave...Me Free To Destroy It With Armed Insurrection!

An organization that has been designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center has paid for a billboard in Montgomery, Alabama that says, "Secede." The billboard was temporarily taken down because of complaints from people driving by, but it has since been reinstalled.

Complain if you want. I think a better strategy, though, would be to pay for another billboard a block or two up the road with another single word: "Treason."

SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills

[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
more