How To Deal With Fla-ed Legislation
After four hours in session, the Deerfield Beach, Florida city council adjourned without bringing a single issue on the agenda to the floor for debate. They were still listening to opening prayers when the meeting was ended, with an estimated three additional hours to go.
"We cheered when the Supreme Court ruled that prayers before town meetings did not violate the Constitution's ban on endorsing religion," said councilman Monique Felton. "Who knew that there were so many religions to accommodate?"
Although the obvious solution would be to pass a rule limiting the amount of prayer held before each meeting, city council would have to start a meeting to actually pass it, and that doesn't look likely. Felton suggested that divine intervention may be required to solve the problem, "Although the Governor doesn't appear to want to be involved..."
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2014-04-25-you-get-what-you-pray-for_x.htm]
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To Be Fair, That Just About Matches The Attention Span Of His Fans
Adam Sandler's next movie will be based on a two minute YouTube video.
"That's a little more plot than my movies usually contain," Sandler admitted. "But, a multi-hyphenate has to try new things, to stretch himself, you know? At least, that's what my limo driver tells me, and he's pretty smart for a glorified cabbie!"
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2014/2014/04/30/thesandlersoftime/]
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Prime Minister Stephen Harper has denied that recent remarks about Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin were in any way disrespectful.
"When I said she was an epic bed wetter, a myopic camel slaughterer who didn't understand the role of the Supreme Court in the day to day working of my government and a fan of sixties bubble gum pop, I meant it with all due love and respect."
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2014/04/27/ifterewasanychiefjusticeinthiswickedworld140427]
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SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Street Wise, Road Foolish
STREETS SMART
According to a Harris Interactive poll, 60 per cent of Canadians wouldn't change their online behaviour if they thought the government was spying on their digital communications. Why not?
"I've voted Conservative all my life. I have nothing to fear from their online surveillance...right?" hoped Ronnie Screwvala.
"If I change my online behaviour, the terrorists will win," moped Milla Ankelini.
"I don't do anything wrong when I'm online, so the government can watch me all it wants to. Okay, I may have accidentally stumbled upon the Girls with Eyepatches Web site, but it's more a rite of passage than a perversion. Oh, yeah, and I did look up how to make a pipe bomb once, but...but it was research for a paper for my grade 12 biology class. And, if I looked at various sites on the Cayman Islands, it was only because - umm - OKAY, GIVE ME A MOMENT - IT'S HARD TO KEEP ALL OF THIS STUFF STRAIGHT! - because I...had heard so much about their scenic beauty and I was curious to see if any of it was true. Not because, you know, of, uhh...is it too late to change my answer?" groped Bill O'Goodes.
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/front/question/panic-now-avoid-the-rush/]
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Ontario - Now The Georgia Of The North!
Ontario Conservative leader Tim Hudak has promised to create a million jobs in the province if elected Premier. He has also vowed to cut 100,000 jobs in the public sector. How can he reconcile these two positions?
"Imagine," Hudak stated, "how many economists I'll have to employ to find a common rationale for these two policies!"
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2014/05/02/509727.html]
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If That Doesn't Show Him How We Feel About Him, We'll Anonymously Post Mean Things To His Facebook Page
The Kremlin has announced that Vladimir Putin will join Barack Obama and European leaders in France for a ceremony marking the 70th anniversary of D-Day. How will this affect efforts to isolate the Russian ruler because of his political and military machinations in Ukraine?
"Not at all," said White House spokesperson Caitlin Hayden. "He'll be seated in a back corner of the observation stand, far away from the important people, and, if he dares to show his face at the commemorative dinner, you know he'll be given a table right next to the door of the kitchen!"
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/ Oz/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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But, He's Our Asshole...For Now...
Conversation overheard at a Rob Ford for re-election campaign event:
VOTER ONE: "He's an alcoholic, sexist, homophobic pig. Let's face it: the Mayor is an asshole."
VOTER TWO: "No, no, no, no, no. There's no pretence with him: what you see is what you get. The Mayor is authentic."
VOTER ONE: "At last, something we can agree on."
VOTER TWO: "What's that?"
VOTER ONE: "The Mayor is an authentic asshole."
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/badwordsorbadpeople.shtml]
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"But...Wasn't It My Idea In The First Place?" The Third Generation Clone Of Mitt Romney Mused
The Affordable Care Act was passed 50 years ago today. We now know that it resulted in every American being covered by some form of health insurance, which in turn led to better health outcomes. Still, the ACA has its critics on the right.
"Americans are living longer, which is a drain on the economy since most of them haven't properly saved for retirement," commented John Boehner's disembodied head, looking very fit and tanned in its jar. "As usual, the unexpected consequences of a socialist policy are devastating!"
"DEATH PANELS! DEATH PANELS! DEATH PANELS!" the holographic image of reality TV star Sarah Palin shrieked. While her message has been consistent over the past five decades, some observers believe the mindless repetition was a glitch in her programme.
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=72322641310181314683fx]
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