Thank you, Wurst Werther, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we received a letter from the lawyers of Home Depot accusing us of shoplifting and demanding we pay them $350 or face legal action. This struck as odd because we don't shop at Home Depot. In fact, we have never been in a Home Depot in our lives, and some of us have walked this Earth for a very long time, indeed. Naturally, we followed the only course of action that seemed reasonable under the circumstances and paid Home Depot the money.
Who needs the tsuris?
Enjoy,There Are No Guarantees In Politics...Unless There Are
Four by-elections, four wins for the incumbent party. Clearly this means that the Liberals are surging. Unless it means that the Conservatives are slumping. But, it definitely means that the shine is off the NDP. Unless it means that the problem with splitting the vote on the left between the NDP and the Liberals is going to continue to be an important factor going into the next federal election, which would mean that there won't be a Liberal surge. Unless there is.
Of course, the results of the by-elections aren't significant. Unless they are.
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
more
The Pentagon's Gonna Party Like It's 1955
The CIA and the Pentagon are concerned about a plan to let Roscosmos, the Russian space agency, build half a dozen monitoring stations on American soil. Although the Russians claim that the stations would improve the accuracy and precision of the country's GPS, the Americans fear that they will be used to spy on the US and improve the precision of Russia's weaponry.
Alright! The Cold War's back, baby! And, not a moment too soon - the Joint Chiefs of Staff were rumoured to be considering gnawing their own legs off to deal with the boredom of not having a true state enemy!
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49880-2013Nov27.html]
more
High In Fiber, Otherwise Not Very Nutritious
Prime Minister Stephen Harper met with Nigel Wright to discuss Mike Duffy on the day that Wright wrote an email which suggests that Harper knew about the $90,000 Duffy payoff. Despite this, Harper continues to claim that he knew nothing about the deal Wright made with the Senator.
I hope that Wright enjoys the taste of rubber, because there's precious little to eat under the bus.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
more
Try Not To Listen To That Shill Voice In Your Head
C.D. HOWE INSTITUTE SHILL: International free trade agreements lead to increased competition and lower prices. This is good for consumers.
UNION ECONOMIST: But, they also increase competition for jobs, which either raises unemployment or drives wages down.
INSTITUTE SHILL: Still, free trade is good for consumers.
UNION ECONOMIST: Lower prices don't help you if you have to take a pay cut and can't afford even them.
INSTITUTE SHILL: But, free trade is good for consumers.
UNION ECONOMIST: Tell that to the person whose job was shipped overseas and can't make ends meet even with two or three part-time jobs.
INSTITUTE SHILL: I will: free trade is good for consumers.
UNION ECONOMIST: People aren't just consumers. They're also producers. The money they spend has to come from somewhere.
INSTITUTE SHILL: Not my problem. All I know is that free trade is good for consumers.
UNION ECONOMIST: You have a one track mind, you know that?
INSTITUTE SHILL: Did you know that there are economists in Bangladesh who could do your job for a dollar a day? Think of how much money your union could save!
UNION ECONOMIST: Urk!
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/economicsisnotforthefaintofheart.shtml]
more
A Mouth Doesn't Get More Mealy
CLARIFICATION
In a series of articles over the past month, the Stunned referred to a video posted on YouTube featuring Brampton cleric Shaikh Faisal Hamid Abdur Razak. The articles suggested that the video showed Shaikh Razak stating that adulterers should wear rubber diapers on their heads and squawk like castrated roosters whenever they talk in public. The articles went on to suggest that Shaikh Razak said that non-Muslims should be painted a variety of colours and used as pinatas on birthdays and during Ramadan. In fact, Shaikh Razak did not mention adulterers or non-Muslims. Oops. But, given that they are prominently mentioned in the Koran, you can understand our error.
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2013/11/17/509727.html]
more
The Victory Lap Around The Cabinet Meeting Room Was A Bit Much
El Salvadoran prisoners are held in holding cells with over 20 other people. There is so little room, that they have to sleep sitting up. There are no toilets; inmates pass feces out of the cell on plates. And, of course, people who are only suspected of minor crimes spend time with hardened criminals, often learning how to become more serious criminals themselves.
When he heard the news, Canadian Justice Minister Peter MacKay pumped his fist in the air and shouted, "Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about!"
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ieh=0ec0oecd-b6e6-3c18-bf9b-07b657bb48ec]
more
Being Evil Never Tasted So Good!
Okay, we know Girl Scouts are emotionally manipulative in their mad competition to sell cookies wihch, frankly, taste like sugar coated cardboard. But, agents of the lesbocalypse? Hard to believe. Fortunately, we have Pastor Kevin Swanson to show us that this is, in fact, the case.
Because there it is in the book of Owtyerassicus, Chapter four, Verse Sixty-nine (!): "And, lo, thou shalt not partake of the Thanks-a-Lot, the Do-si-do, the Peanut Butter Patty, the Samoa or the Thin Mint, for yea, verily, wilt these turn you queer, which is an abomination in the sight of the Lord. Especially the Thin Mint."
I'm sure Pastor Kevin will be happy to know that there are no Girl Scouts in the Bag of Crazy. They're too busy trying to do well in high school and worrying about boys to have the time or energy to turn him into a lesbian. His neighbours in the Bag of Crazy, on the other hand...
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
more
Sorry About That - The Way You Lean Over To Listen To The Conversation Three Tables Down Gave Me The Wrong Impression...
OVERHEARD IN A DOWNTOWN RESTAURANT
"Do you know what the American President said to the Russian Premier at the G20 summit in Toronto in 2010?"
"No."
"Oh. I guess you're not a member of the National Security Agency, then."
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
more
