Thank you, Ferguson Frogwalk, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, a woman in England dressed as a giant vagina stopped a physical attack on a man dressed as a giant penis. And, we thought, Aren't you supposed to be a buttoned down, stiff upper lip, boring country? When's the next flight?
Enjoy,Crazy Is Not An Exact Science
Reformation Church pastor Kevin Swanson has a radio show. This is the sort of thing he says on it.
As it happens, Swanson is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Evolution doesn't happen when species cross-mate. That's ridiculous! Everybody knows that evolution happens when the mating pixies wave their magic...err...wands over animals of two different species and they melt together to create a completely new species. Seriously, if you're going to criticize science, you need to get your facts straight!
Swanson should stick with what he knows best: calling feminists "family-destroying whores." Umm, no, maybe not that. He should stay with his more reality-based positions: that allowing gay marriage will cause the government to swoop in and abduct the children of straight couples to give to gay couples, and straights will be burned at the stake. Ooh. No. Not that either. Well, there's always...well, no, no, the Jim Henson Corporation didn't deserve that.
Still, if Swanson ever loses his day job, he should be comforted by the knowledge that Radio Free Bag of Crazy is always looking for on-air personalities...
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Last year Transport Canada gave the Montreal, Maine and Atlantic Railway (MMA), whose 73 car train blew up, devastating a substantial portion of the Quebec town of Lac-Megantic, permission to run trains with only a single engineer on board. In response to current criticism of the move, Prime Minister Stephen Harper said: "This just goes to prove once again that Justin Trudeau does not have the experience to run a country!"
Meanwhile, Ed Burkhardt, chairman of the MMA, argued that his company was not responsible for the conflagration. "Ahh...sunspots! Justin Beiber! Global warming! Spiders in the brake pads! The New Deal! The qwerty keyboard! Medical - no, wait! Not spiders in the brake pads! Not insects of any kind anywhere in our trains! Where was - oh, yeah - medical marijuana users! Styptic pencils! Illegal immigrants! Loose women! Those tiny little...you know...earbud things that are destroying everybody's hearing! Yeah, global warming, definitely global warming! Let's not rush to judgment about who is responsible for this tragedy until all the facts are in!"
Taking a deep breath, Burkhardt added: "The world is a mysterious and ultimately unknowable place, isn't it?"
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088412831773
&call_pageid=238335206092&col=924166972129]
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Bad Social Science At Its Bad Social Scienceyist
3rd down and Rorschach to go) What does the image below represent?
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Actually, I've Never Heard Of Tampon Violence - Were They An 80s Punk Band?
Twenty-seven people were killed and over 40 injured when a crazed pro-abortion protester let loose with a tampon she had smuggled into the Texas legislature.
"The country laughed at us for confiscating tampons during the debates over abortion," said Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst. "Sure, they did. We heard them! Well, who's laughing now, hunh? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?" After a moment's reflection, he added, "Umm, not us, of course. This is a tragedy, a terrible, terrible tragedy. There's nothing here to laugh at."
When asked why the people who carried concealed guns into the legislature didn't use them to stop the massacre, Dewhurst defensively stated, "Well, they were too stunned, weren't they? I mean, everybody has heard about tampon violence, but you never think it's gonna happen to you!"
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2013-07-05-they-do-everything-dumber-in-texas_x.htm]
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1) How Badly Do You Want This Job? (Take Your Time. Answer Truthfully.)
Excerpt from a psychological questionnaire the Harper Government of Canada is asking candidates for the position of Parliamentary Budget Officer to fill out:
7) On a scale of one to 27, with one being "I wouldn't date him if he was the last man on earth" and 27 being "If he doesn't allow me to bear his children, I will stalk him on the Internet," how much would you say you love Prime Minister Stephen Harper?
11) On a scale of one to 134, with one being "I would rather French kiss Don Cherry" and 134 being "I have a tattoo of the Cabinet on my chest; the Minister of Public Safety looks especially lifelike when I do chin-ups," how much would you say you love the Harper Government of Canada?
34) When your boss gives you an order that you don't agree with, do you:87) When the dust fairies insist that you dance around the office of the Speaker of the House naked singing "Sweet Child in Time" in order to keep them from destroying Moosejaw, how do you respond? (Use the back of the sheet if you need more room to answer.)
217) If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be? AND, HOW, EXACTLY, DO YOU THINK THAT WOULD HELP THE PRIME MINISTER CARRY OUT HIS AGENDA?
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-47341837815063cahs01.html]
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