Ask the Tech Answer Guy: Are Men Obsolete?

Yo, Tech Answer Guy,

Are men obsolete? Because, you know, my Derek is ever so sweet, and I think it would just about break his heart if I gave him the news, you know?

Yo, Myrts,

Obsolete? Men? Wha - whatever gave you that idea?

Yo, Tech Answer Guy,

Only there was this man on the telly the other afternoon, right? And, he were saying all about how women are becoming more powerful and don't really need men any more. That's where I got the idea that men were obsolete. So, are they? I got three sons - how am I supposed to tell them summit like that?

Yo, Myr,

Of course, men aren't obsolete! We're young and vital and...and...and we have good teeth!

Women need men to...to have children! Of course, a lot of women don't want to have children...and, anyway, with advances in artificial insemination and cloning, it's only a matter of time before they can have children on their own...but...but, they need men to pleasure them in bed...even though most women get more pleasure from vibrators and other artificial stimulators...but - aha! A bloody ha! - vibrators won't cuddle you afterwards.

Okay, granted a lot of men won't cuddle you afterwards, either. But, those who do...will get competition from the Cuddletastic 1550. Damn research into androids with servo-mechanisms that can mimic human physical intimacy! Unlike a man, they never have to leave your side to go to the bathroom! Damn it, I say!

Umm...women need men to...to...to change flat tires. Yeah, that's it. You're driving along the highway, on your own, without a man, because you think you don't need a man any more, and - BAM! - your tire gets punctured by a stray eagle talon on the road (but not the talon of a Bald Eagle, because they're an endangered species). Then, what do you do? Eh? Eh? What do you do then?

Well, okay, you probably wait for the self-repairing nanofibres in the tire to repair the puncture and carefully drive to the next gas station where you refill the tire with air. Damn research into self-repairing nanofibres! Damn it, I say!

Still, women need men to...to...to...to kill spiders for them. Because killing insects is icky, but men seem to enjoy it. Of course, you could just get out your spidermonica and play such a sad tune on it that the spider would hang itself from its own web. Or, if you are a more compassionate sort, you could play a tune on the instrument that would make the spider pine for the freedom of an outdoor life, leading it to voluntarily leave your house.

Damn research into melodic insect control, which allows women to be their own pied spiderpipers! Damn it, I say!

Okay, but we still haven't considered - well, no, there's a good reason we haven't considered that. On the other hand - no, that makes no sense in seven states and Omaha. Still, maybe we should - no, I'm blushing just thinking about it!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Women need men to...to...to...to...to help keep the culture diverse because men think differently than women. If there are no men, who will justify giving tax breaks to the wealthy while cutting services for the poor? Okay, bad example. But, without men, who will argue in favour of pointless wars of aggression? No, that's not really convincing, either, is it? But, uhh, without men, who will support the National Football League?

Wow. I talked myself out of that one without even having to refer to artificial intelligence research!

Okay, you know, maybe I can't think of a reason why women need men. But, that doesn't mean that such reasons don't exist. Yeah. Sure, they do. And, I'm sure that some day, some clever social science researcher - or, maybe, a semiotic confectionary artist - will come up with it!

So, obsolescence it is, then? That wasn't very helpful.

Yo, Myr,

No! Wait! I've got it! Women need men to have somebody to feel superior to, somebody that they can pat on the head when things go wrong - as things inevitably will for us - and coo, "Oh, that's too bad," to while secretly feeling that warm glow of "I'm so glad I'm not you!"

Is that fair? Well...men have felt superior to women for thousands of years, so I guess it was your turn. Be gentle.

If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: there IS an "us" in penis. If you say the word the right way...