Ask the Tech Answer Guy About The High Cs

Yo, Tech Answer Guy,

Can you please explain the difference between causation and correlation?

Yo, Ari,

Umm...pfffffft - you got me. How many beers you've had that evening?

I can't believe you blew off Aristotle's question like that. Do you have any idea who he is? Naah - me neither. Still, he's a mortal...probably...he certainly seems Greek, and that gets him halfway there, and, well, anyway, he asked a straight question so he deserves a straight answer.

Causation and correlation - what's the diff?

Yo, Plats,

Yeah, well, you know, The Tech Answer Guy could respond to the question - it's not like you've stumped him or nothing. But, it just so happens that the Tech Answer Guy had taken his chopper - the Harley Roller - in to Phil, the mechanic from the shop down the street and idly brought up the question while he was filling a tire with completely coincidentally low air pressure. And, as it happened, Phil, the mechanic from the shop down the street - who is really smart for his pay grade - put it better than the Tech Answer Guy ever could.

According to Phil, the mechanic from the shop down the street, correlation is what happens when you notice that the onboard navigation system of your Specific Motors Rabid Lemur starts spitting out routes for traveling through the Andromeda star system at the same time as the ratchet housing of the ball bearing crankcase springs a leak. Causation, on the other hand, is what happens when you believe that the onboard navigation system of your Specific Motors Rabid Lemur spitting out routes for traveling through the Andromeda star system has caused the ratchet housing of the ball bearing crankcase to spring a leak.

There. I couldn't have put it better myself. Trust me on that one.

Umm, yeah. I'm sure that that answer is profound to people who eat motor oil for breakfast and know who won the 1900 Gordon Bennett Cup (formally titled the I Coupe Internationale). But, for those of us who maybe don't love our cars too much, can you please translate that answer into English?

Yo, Socks,

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I can, umm, do that. Sure.

Correlation is when you...uhh...notice that your cat is coughing up furballs at the same time that...that...and, this is the really clever bit - at the same time as your neighbour threatens to call the fire department because the smoke from your summer barbecue is setting off alarms in his house...half a block away. Causation, on the other hand, is what happens when you - what did I say? - when you believe that your cat coughing up furballs is the cause of - sorry, is the cause of your neighbour threatening to call the fire department because the smoke from your summer barbecue is setting off alarms in his house...half a block away.

Easy peasy queasy sneezy.

Oh, and, I happened to run into Phil, the mechanic from the shop down the street, being questioned by police in regards to certain unauthorized middle-of-the-night auto body customizations, and he told me that Fernand Charron won the 1900 Gordon Bennett Cup (formally titled the I Coupe Internationale). Smart guy, that Phil, the mechanic from the shop down the street.

You don't really understand the difference between correlation and causation, do you? It looks like you just mimicked the form of what Phil, the mechanic from the shop down the street said. Anybody can do that.

Correlation is what happens when you notice that you sneezed at the same time as the heat death of the universe. Causation is what happens when you believe that your sneeze caused the heat death of the universe.

That doesn't really prove anything, does it?

Yo, Ari,

Seems to me that you busting my balls over this question is caused by the fact that you've been dead for over 25 hundred years. How's that for causation, pal?

The Tech Answer Guy

If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: being necrotic does not mean that you get a thrill from staring at other people's necks. Please stop trying to use the language to justify your creepiness. Oh, and, you might want to cut back on watching True Blood.