Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
I love hard liquor and easy women. I love that I don't even realize that that's a quote from a famous book because I've never read it. I love cars that go so fast they make the driver dizzy. I love movies that go "KA-BOOOOOOOOM!" I love language that could peel the paint off a rhinoceros' hide. I love meat wrapped in meat coated with meat with meat on the side (and, sometimes, a pickle - but, a big, meaty one!). I love summer, which allows me to enjoy two of my great passions: barbecuing the subject of the previous sentence and ogling the subject of the second clause of the first sentence in skimpy clothing. I love talking about the things I love, even when nobody wants to hear it. Especially when nobody wants to hear it.
Okay, now that I have proven my guy bona fides, you know what I really love? Sailor Moon. The magic. The schoolgirl uniform. Those big, round eyes. The schoolgirl uniform. The magic powers Serena gets when she puts on the broach and says the magic words. But, yeah, okay, mostly the schoolgirl uniform.
Anyhoo, I want to share my love of Sailor Moon on discussion boards dedicated to the kick ass anime character with the long blond hair. Unfortunately, this runs afoul (no pun intend - well, maybe a little pun somewhat intended) of my love expressed in sentence five from two paragraphs ago.
So. How can I indulge my love of Sailor Moon without compromising my masculinity?
Sincerely,Yo, Tibor,
I know exactly what you mean. The Tech Answer Guy himself has fallen under the spell of Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch. I, too, want to discuss it in appropriate places, and I, too, find myself expressing my admiration for it in inappropriate language.
One tactic that I have found efficacious is to substitute innocent, ordinary words for the naughtier ones I would ordinarily use. So, for instance, where I would use the word "fuck," I now use the word "flake." Snow comes in flakes. Cereal comes in flakes. Okay, flakes come in flakes, but, uhh, overall I think we can safely say that the word has more positive meanings than negative.
When somebody on the message board innocently asks why I responded to a post I disagreed with by writing, "Flake you!", I can say that I was merely suggesting that they eat some cereal. "Flake off?" It means remember to take some cereal with you when you leave the house. "Flakin' A!," I explain, means that I got a good mark in...breakfast studies.
Of course, not all scatological phrases translate equally well. I once had to explain that the phrase "I'll flake you legless," meant that I would force somebody to eat cereal until they were so fat that they could no longer walk. That was disturbing on a whole different level, one that was almost as inappropriate as the phrase I was trying to disguise.
That's not the only swear word you can use this way: I often substitute "shirt" for the word "shit." Many people respond to my use of the phrase "bull shirt" with LOLs and ROTFLs, conjuring up, as it does, images of cows in clothing. You and I may know that the phrase, "sad sack o' shirt" does not refer to a small bag of used clothes for the Salvation Army, but innocent readers don't have to know that.
Combining curses in this manner requires a certain amount of creative dexterity, but that's not to say that it can't be done. Consider a phrase like: "They were flaked up the apse." You and I know that that expresses a very naughty thought. However, for innocent readers of the discussion board, it can mean that some people had breakfast in the recessed area of the Church. Language doesn't get more appropriate than that.
Occasionally, this kind of word substitution will have the awkward effect of making an innocent phrase less so. "He'd give you the shirt off his back," when considered in this light, becomes rather disgusting. Overall, though, it is an excellent way to express your true feelings in venues where to do so would be highly inappropriate.
Or, you could find an adults only board to post to. Up to you.
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: it's okay to snicker when somebody mentions caulking, but not so much that you actually allow leaks in your floors to undermine the foundation of your house.