by HAL MOUNTSAUERKRAUTEN, Alternate Reality News Service Court Writer
The usually volatile courtroom of Justice Roberta Padwihller was a sea of calm as she adjourned the trial of Marcy McMahon, who is accused of killing Jason Medasko with kindness - actually, a .40 calibre rifle named "Kindness" - in order to consider a defense motion to dismiss all charges because McMahon's confession was coerced.
McMahon was questioned using an electronic form on a desktop computer. What he didn't know was that the computer was running the Truthrecht 2500 programme, which monitors the typist's brain and actually outputs what he was thinking rather than what he ty -
W...wait a second. This Truthrecht 2500 sounds...familiar. It sounds...very familiar. It sounds like -
"The Psychrect 2000?" asked Mutant Technologies CEO Theodoric Monangahela.
No. No, that's not it...although, now that you mention it, yes, yes, that's exactly it!
"It's a total coincidence," Monangahela stated.
When McMahon was arrested, he was placed in an interrogation room with a computer running GoodCop/BadCop v2017.2.3e. The Bad Cop avatar told him that he needed to put on a harness that was lying on the table in front of him. The Good Cop avatar asked him if he wanted a soda. The Bad Cop avatar insisted that he would be in "real trouble" if he did not put on the harness. The Good Cop avatar asked him if maybe he wanted a little something to help him relax - they had a wide selection of popular magazines, or perhaps extract of heroin. The Bad Cop turned on the Good Cop and told him to stop mollycoddling the perp. The Good Cop argued that they always got better results when they treated the perp like a human being, not a...a perp. The Bad Cop turned towards McMahon and told him they would be right back; both avatars immediately left the screen.
When the avatars returned, the Bad Cop avatar had a nasty smile and the chastened Good Cop avatar quietly said, "I think it would be for the best if you put on the harness."
McMahon did as he was told. When he typed in his name, the Truthrecht 2500 read his brainwaves and found a complete description of the crime, including: the name of the greeter at the Walmart where he bought the ammunition (Furnestina); the music McMahon was listening to when he affixed the scope and silencer to the rifle (a potent mixture of Black Sabbath, Rihanna and the Bonzo Dog Doodah Band); the underwear he was wearing at the time of the murder (red with little white hearts - an unfortunate detail that has thankfully not been entered into evidence at the trial), and; how he disposed of the gun after the shooting (he put it back in the drawer in the basement where he kept it).
Oddly, the Truthrecht 2500 did not reveal the name of the person who hired McMahon to kill Medasko. "No technology is perfect," Monangahela shrugged.
McMahon's lawyer, April Raines (yes, that really is her name - her mother was a big fan of The Spirit), argued that use of the Truthrecht 2500 was tantamount to forcing her client to incriminate himself, a violation of the bible of the TV show Law and Order. "The use -" she began.
"Aww, save it for appeal!" the Bad Cop avatar interrupted from its computer screen several blocks away. "He didn't say - or even type - a single incriminating word!"
The Good Cop avatar mumbled something about "doing our best under difficult circumstances."
Raines countered that the Truthrecht 2500 was an unproven technology and, as such, was similar to the lie detector, which anybody who had seen an episode of Hill Street Blues knows is not admissible in a court of law. "The Truthrecht 2500 is -" she started.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the Bad Cop avatar shouted. "I bust my hump every day - okay, it's small and I cover it up with prosthetic shoulder pads, but I do have one! - trying to put bad people behind bars. And, bastard defense lawyers like you - no offense - get them off on...technicalities!"
"He used to be a good cop," the Good Cop avatar whispered. "I don't know what happened - it's the job. The job changes you..."
One thing I've wondered since I started covering this trial: why is the company called Mutant Technologies? "Mutant has an element of danger to it," explained Monangahela. "It seems to be somewhat out of control, releasing the sort of creative energies that were there at the Big Bang. Well, that and the fact that the name Hybrid Technologies was already taken!" Oh. That was...mildly disappointing.
Justice Padwihller is expected to rule on the admissibility of information gathered by the Truthrecht 2500 some time before the sun goes nova.