Get Phillip Glass To Do The Music And You'll Have An Instant Modern Classic!
You know how you've always wanted to see a performance of the opera Rigoletto set in 1960s Las Vegas? Neither have I. However, in their on-going effort to enculturate me, some friends and I went to see just that.
About halfway through the first act, I expected Rigoletto to dangle another major character out of the window and gasp, "Duke, I am your father." Of course, that would have made it a very different production, and opera lovers can only take so much change at one time.
Can you imagine the reaction of the actor who got the part Gilda to the new approach to Rigoletto? "The good news is that I have a major singing role in an opera at the Met. The bad news is that I have to spend most of the third act in the trunk of a car!"
Not that the original opera is without flaws. The ending, for example, does allow for some closure (Rigoletto's drive for revenge leads to tragedy), but it leaves open several questions, such as "Will the Duke die of a disfiguring STD?" or "Will the murderer Sparafucile be jailed for trying to claim knife sharpening as a business expense?"
Clearly, Rigoletto needs a sequel. I'm thinking Rigoletto II: Who's the Clown, Now? Or, possibly Rigoletto 2: Clown Harder. Or, perhaps Episode Five: The Rigoletto Strikes Back!
I mean, if we're going to re-imagine the classics...
Because Confusing Potential Reviewers Is A Great Way Of Raising Your Public Profile
I managed to pull off a great joke recently - well, one that would likely only amuse me, but it amused me a hell of a lot.
You probably know fantasy writer Charles de Lint - he reviews books for Fantasy and Science Fiction magazine. He gave my first two Alternate Reality News Service books very positive reviews. I've wanted to thank him, but he lives in Ottawa and doesn't get to Toronto all that often. Well, he gave a reading and answered questions at the awesomely named Academy of the Impossible, so I knew I had to go. While they were setting up, he was sitting in the back of the room, so I took the opportunity to walk up to him and say, "Hello, Mister de Lint. You're my biggest fan."
The look of confusion on his face was priceless!
Well...In 1,237 Years, Maybe...
When I started heart rehab, I was given several tests and weighed. At the three month point, I was given the tests and weighed again to see if I had improved. And, I had! I had lost a pound, maybe a pound and a half! If I keep this up, I'll be a scarecrow in no time!
Distance: Killer Of Great Comic Possibilities
It's the sort of thing I always respond to by saying, "If you saw this on TV, you'd be laughing your ass off. In real life, not so much."
I booked an appointment with my heart specialist six months in advance. I booked an appointment with my dentist three months in advance. What are the odds that they ended up being on the same day? For a normal person, very small. For a bad comedy magnet like me, inevitable.
Remember those cheesy sitcoms from the 1970s where a guy (it was always a guy) made a date with two women at the same time, and ran from one restaurant to the other (or, sometimes, one table to another in the same restaurant) trying to keep up the pretense of separate dates? I felt sort of like that. In the middle of get scaling done, I imagined I would hold up a hand and ask to go to the bathroom. Then, I would run to my cardiologist's office and have an EEG done. As I fumbled for an explanation for why I was wearing a blood-stained bib, hilarity would ensue.
Unfortunately, the offices are on opposite sides of the city, making them too far away from each other to make it work...