Headlines Think It's Too Soon for That Joke

The Pun You'll Be Able To Make If The Native Leader Dies Will Be A Killer!

"Spence hungry for more" - Toronto Sun

"She was starved for some attention" - Toronto Sun

Which Headline Is About The NHL Lockout And Which About The "Fiscal Cliff?"

"Now it's down to real negotiating" - Toronto Star

"Last points of dispute settled" - Toronto Star

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
NEVER SAY THAT! NOT EVER!

"How bad can one meal be?" - Globe and Mail

"Why the housing market won't crash" - Toronto Star

Looking...Loooooooking...Aaaand - Nope, I Can't See A Connection There

"How I triumphed over bone cancer and reshaped my investing strategy" - Globe and Mail

What Do You Mean That's Not A Typo?

"Can he a-Ford not to?" - metro

Would Have Been Better Before Mission Started

"Military soul-searching near mission's end" - Toronto Star

Actually, Crack Was The New Food
Which Would Mean That Food Is The New Food

"Is food the new crack?" - NOW

Because, With The Liberal Party In A Shambles, No Man Wants The Position
(Anybody Remember Kim Campbell?)

"Ontario on verge of first female premier" - Toronto Star

Yet BP And Shell Still Expected To Make Record Profits

"Global energy bullies losing stronghold" - Globe and Mail

Defence Counterspell May Not Be Legal In This Jurisdiction

"Witchcraft case casts new charges" - Toronto Star

I Would Have Said Logic...Or, Possibly Compassion...

"Is diversity our weakness?" - Toronto Sun

When TV Reality Programming Gets Desperate

"A love connection for Maritime moose" - Globe and Mail

There's A Silver Lining Buried Deep In These Headlines...

"U.S. data points to slow jobs healing" - Globe and Mail

"Spain's unions brace for more job cuts" - Globe and Mail

"Tofas to cut jobs, reduce shifts" - Globe and Mail

"Vodafone eyes job cuts" - Globe and Mail

"Bell cuts 90 jobs" - Toronto Sun

"Citigroup cuts 100 staff on Long Island" - Globe and Mail

"PULP AND PAPER
N.S. mill closing, 135 to lose jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Montreal takes brunt of Pfizer's 300 job cuts" - Toronto Star

"FINANCIAL SERVICES
National Bank cutting 300 jobs" - Globe and Mail

"EBay cutting 325 PayPal jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Sun Media to cut 500 positions
Quebecor will close printing plants in Kingston and Ottawa" - Toronto Star

"Cookie factory to close
550 will lose jobs at Mr. Christie's Bakery as owner eyes condos" - Toronto Star

"Air France to cut up to 600 crew jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Honda to cut 800 jobs in England" - Globe and Mail

"Morgan to cut 1,600 investment bankers" - Globe and Mail

"CONSUMER PRODUCTS
Newell eliminating more than 1,900 jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Barclays joining the cost-cutting crowd
Plans to eliminate as many as 2,000 investment banking jobs as part of overall restructuring" - Globe and Mail

"CP Rail to cut 4,500 jobs by 2016" - Toronto Star

"Renault to shed 7,500 workers" - Globe and Mail

"UBS readies axe for 10,000 positions in radical overhaul" - Globe and Mail

"Harper government axes more than 10,000 jobs" - Toronto Star

"New Citi chief cuts 11,000 jobs
U.S. bank makes sweeping cost-cutting moves amid sluggish fortunes and tougher financial rules" - Globe and Mail

"South African platinum miner says it will cut 14,000 jobs" - Toronto Star

(Didn't find it? HINT: It Affects Some Of The People Who Were Responsible For The Near Collapse Of The Financial System)






(Still Nothing? FINAL HINT: It Rhymes With "Old Testament Wankers")

Has Hacker Corrupted The Naughty/Nice Lists?

"Santa brings rally for needy RIM investors" - Toronto Star

Porcupines: The Balloon Fetishist's Best Friend

"Volatility: The growth investor's friend" - Globe and Mail

Don't Expect It To Give Us Back Our Youths, Though

"NHL owes fans more than an apology" - Toronto Sun

Bet They're Sorry They Opposed Government Funding Now

"And now a word from our sponsor...
Why CBC's plan to put advertising on Radio 2 is rankling some competitors" - Globe and Mail

More Like A Meteor Shower

"Economists predict bumpy road ahead for Canada in 2013
Next year probably won't be 'stellar,' experts say - Toronto Star

It's Never Too Early To Teach Your Children The Guilt Involved With Not Keeping Them

"Resolutions aren't just for adults" - Globe and Mail

We Do It For The Presents

"Universal appeal
Memories of a Christmas past celebrated by non-Christians" - Toronto Sun

It Wants To Date Your Widowed Mother!

"Shedding light on algae threat" - Toronto Star

I'll Bet The Labourers Aren't As Impressed

"Cheap Labor for Carmakers Offers Hope for Spain" - New York Times

That Was Quick

"TB drug may be 'game changer'" - Toronto Star Life section

"New TB drug wins approval
Will help battle drug-resistant forms of infectious disease" - Business section of the same day's Toronto Star

Because We're So Cheery?

"It's a dangerous world and an armed response is the only choice" - Toronto Sun

"Beacon to the world
Canada a bright spot in an otherwise dark planet" - Toronto Sun

Call That Living?

"Band members outlive solo acts" - Toronto Star

Apparently, With Our Noses

"How to Read in 2013" - New York Times

What Are The Odds Of A Correcsion?

"Older women more likely to believe pregnancy at risk
Skewed perception may boost c-cections, report says, but caregivers reduce anxiety" - Toronto Star

The Irony Could Dismember A Horse

"Syria blames 'terrorists' for car bomb at Damascus gas station that killed 11" - Globe and Mail

Yeah, But If We Don't Let Our Husbands Watch It, They May Insist Upon Talking To Us

"Pro football can be hard on the brain" - Globe and Mail

Janitorial Staff Says: "I Ain't Cleaning THAT Up!"

"Shoplifter explodes in court" - Toronto Star

Diabetics May Want To Take Insulin Before Reading

"Warning: Cute baby penguin story" - Toronto Sun

Just One?

"Investment guru's mental health questioned" - Toronto Star

I'm Sure He Appreciates It, Too

"Mozart - still modern after all these years" - Toronto Star

The Snake Never Needs Tums To Digest The Rat

"Sun Life's possible Malaysian deal seen as 'very digestible'" - Globe and Mail