My Writer's So-called Life

Cause, Lord Knows, Not Much Else Of Interest Happens There

Tourists often flock to my bedroom to see the Ritual Changing of the Binders.

As Institutions Go, It May Not Rival The Elora Cheese Grater Festival, But It's Not Without Its Charms...

The Globe and Mail ran an article critical of Robert Lepage's production of Wagner's Ring Cycle at the Met. The headline read: "Lepage aux Folles." Well! I could not allow this to pass uncommented upon!

I wrote a letter to the editor saying that, having seen Lepage's Ring Cycle, I thought it was magnificent, the criticism clearly misplaced. Then, I added that I had been using Les Pages aux Folles as the name of my Web site for almost a decade, and that I appreciated the homage in the newspaper's headline. It had to be an homage, didn't it? I mean, they had to be aware of such a long-lived Canadian cultural institution, right?

Oddly enough, this letter was never published.

Looking from the desk where I do most of my writing towards my bookshelf, I wondered: Do the bedrooms of most writers come to resemble book warehouses over time?

Hi, Mom!

For the first time since I started attending science fiction conventions a couple of years ago, one was in a hotel just down the street from where I live. Yaaaaaay, Ad Astra! Way to go! Okay, it's a long street, and there's a bit of a jag, but, if you look really close, you can almost make out my house! (Unhelpful arrow has been added for maximum reader confusion.)

If Only All Protest Movements Could Be So Successful!

I arrived at the hotel about an hour before Ad Astra officially started. Unlike other cons I've been to, the tables set out in the hallways for the small dealers didn't have barely decipherable scraps of paper telling us where to set up. I suggested that we squat at tables, which, for one of the other dealers, sparked the idea of Occupy Ad Astra.

Topical. Almost political. Okay, I thought, I can run with this...into the ground. We're Occupy Ad Astra! And, we demand...to get our tables. Oh, and world peace! (Always have to throw in a negotiable demand, right?) We won't leave this space until we're told which space we should be in.

And, eventually, we were.

Personally, I Would Have Preferred To Bathe In Public Adoration...

The writers were tucked away in an area of the hotel that bordered on the pool. In any given hour, more people in bathing suits passed by us than con-goers. When I explained to people how to find us, I told them to follow the scent of chlorine. Not that I have a bad word to say about our placement. At least, not before I get my voice back...

My Web Goddess had been telling me for the longest time that I wasn't doing enough to promote the fact that I had won the 2010 Swift Satire Writing Contest. "You should do more to promote the fact that you won the 2010 Swift Satire Writing Contest," she repeatedly told me, "because it's awesome that you won the 2010 Swift Satire Writing Contest and people would be impressed that you won the 2010 Swift Satire Writing Contest if only they knew that you won the 2010 Swift Satire Writing Contest. If I was you, the fact that I won the 2010 Swift Satire Writing Contest would be prominent in all my publicity."

When she volunteered to design posters for my books for Ad Astra, I should have known what would happen, but, well, see for yourself...

See Peter. Peter is a Guest of Honour. Be a Guest of Honour, Peter, be a Guest of Honour. See Peter's Guest of Honour badge. That is how you know Peter is a Guest of Honour.

See Peter hold up Ira's book. Hold up Ira's book, Peter, hold up Ira's book. Peter does not have to hold up Ira's book. Peter Is a Guest of Honour. See Peter support a Canadian author. Support a Canadian author, Peter, support a Canadian author. That is why Peter is a Guest of Honour.

As A Photographer, I'm A Great Sous Chef/International Man Of Mystery

This is me being artsy. It's good, every so often, to remind the world why some people's artsy inclinations should not be indulged.

I had three new books to sell at Ad Astra: the third collection of Alternate Reality News Service stories and two anthologies that had stories I had written in them. One of the highlights of the con for me was when people came up to my table and bought the new ARNS book because they had enjoyed reading one or both of the previous books.

Of course, I also had to deal with one person who told me that he had started reading my first book and didn't much care for it. But, he was just another writer, so how much store can we really put in his opinion?

Science Fiction Author Shares Pearls Of Wisdom As Punster Is Thwapped Mercilessly!

Author Stephen Pearl makes an important point (about the optimum size of a watermelon to take on a space voyage?) to an amused science fiction fan. And, isn't this what conventions are all about? Wearing a Dr. Who Scarf?

The floating head was a brilliant promotional idea for Stephen's new book, Nukekubi. The book is about a demon who detaches his head from his body at night, finding people to scare to death so that it can feed off of their negative emotions.

Virtually nobody at the con saw the floating head. Those who were tall enough, however, felt it, banging their noggins on it as they approached our table. I suggested that Stephen and Joy, his wife, sell people books while they were stunned. We all laughed. But, by Sunday afternoon, were they looking at the floating head a bit wistfully...?

I've Always Thought Of Myself More As An Aardvark Than A Camel...

4 pm You're Getting Punchy! Go Home!

Sunday is always a giddy time at science fiction conventions, a combination of too much rich food and poor beverage choices, too little sleep and unbearable amounts of sexual tension, both fulfilled and, especially, unfulfilled. Somebody suggested panel mashups (ie: The Lost Sherlock, combining Sherlock with The Lost Girl) where one or both of the scheduled panels are sparsely attended. I just thought the idea would keep people on their toes.