The Little Science Fiction Convention That Could

Because Nothing Shows Your Fans How Much You Appreciate Them Like A Communicable Illness

On Monday, I got a flu shot. By Wednesday, the flu was raging through my body. By Friday, the first day of SFContario, I was coughing and sneezing and ached all over. I find it's a good idea to come prepared to these things.

I Write Alternate Universe Stories And I'm Not All There - Does That Count?

Vampire fiction author Karen Dales was pale from pneumonia through most of the convention. When I first saw her, I thought, "Wow. This is somebody who is really willing to go the extra mile to promote her writing!"

If You Look Around The Circle Of Petri Dishes And You Don't See It, The Disease Vector Is You

On the first day of SFContario, a woman walked up to my table in the dealer's room and told me how much she had enjoyed reading my first book. I didn't feel sick for the rest of the con. I swear, praise is better than penicillin!

How Not To Ingratiate Yourself With A Well Known Writer

In the last time slot of the convention, I was the moderator of a panel called "Cyberpunk: Is It Dead? Did It Ever Really Exist?" It's the end of the con, the tired and achy have returned to my body and, although the panel went well, the following exchange occurred afterwards:

ME: We met at last year's SFContario. I told you how much I enjoyed reading Lady of the Mazes.

CONVENTION GUEST OF HONOUR KARL SCHROEDER: Well, thank you.

ME: If you don't mind my saying so, you look much better now than you did then.

SCHROEDER: Oh, I feel much better, too. After my surgery, I actually felt better than I had for years. (laughs)

ME: I know what you mean. I had heart surgery and had exactly the same reaction. (crickets) So, umm, thanks for being on the panel. It was great.

SCHROEDER: Yeah. Umm. My pleasure.

CON RULE #237: When a well-known author talks to you about details of his personal life, it's a confidence to be cherished. When you talk about details of your personal life with a well-known author, it's creepy oversharing.

How To Avoid Not Ingratiating Yourself With A Well Known Writer

I walked past Author Guest of Honour John Scalzi in the hallway, and I didn't have the urge to walk up to him and say, "You know that book Old Man's War that seems so damn popular? Well, I'm a pacifist, so I have studiously avoided military science fiction. Unfortunately, somebody in my science fiction book club recommended Old Man's War, so I kind of had to read it. And, I hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it. Hated it with a passion undying. Hated it on the molecular level. Hated it with a passion so pure it will probably be passed down to 23 generations of my progeny. Hated it, hated it, hated it, hated it. Understand what I'm saying? I just didn't enjoy it very much."

Of course, if I had said something like that, Scalzi would probably not have signed a copy of the book for me...

SFContario 2 Photo Gallery

Two science fiction awards that I will not be winning. And, not just because they aren't being awarded any more...

Joy Pearl marvels at the disembodied head of a demon while her author husband Stephen asks me, "Why should you have all the fun with floating heads?" Absolutely no reason, Stephen, no reason at all.

It is gratifying to know that so many people were keen to attend the panel I moderated on whether or not there were any new stories in science fiction.

Or, they could have come out to see multiple award winning author Michael Swanwick (second from left, third from right or one of the four from the top). Hard to know, really.

I think the alien creatures speak for themselves...

I include this photograph so that when J. M. Frey becomes an internationally renowned author, I will have proof that I knew her back when she was waiting tables in a Middle Earth tavern. (But, seriously, if John Scalzi had those legs, I probably wouldn't have hated Old Man's War quite so much!)

As Kierkegaard Truly Noted, Science Fiction Conventions Can Only Be Understood Backwards

My first panel at SFContario was called "Are There Any New Stories?" After the con, I realized that it should have been flipped with the cyberpunk panel. Then, when the question "How can you come up with new science fiction stories?" was asked, I could have answered: "Simple. You just have to be Karl Schroeder."

That's Doctor That Dude To You, My Good Man!

Throughout SFContario, I wore my red vest with the "Ask me about fantasy and science fiction" pin. On the subway home on Saturday night, I got on the train around the same time as half a dozen frat boys, each at least a head taller than me. One gestured vaguely in my direction and asked in a voice louder, no doubt, than he had intended: "What's with that dude?"

You have no idea, friend. You really have no idea...