The Space Adventures of Scarlett Brushfire on Twitter
0. This month will feature quotes from my best-selling scifi novel Scarlett Brushfire and the Polaris Azimuth.
1. The Polaris Azimuth was a legend among spacefaring folk and people who don't get out much.
2. When Kemal Ataturk pulled out his phaser, all hell broke loose at the Rye and Ginger space bar and cheese shop.
3. The android actors performing Karl Kapek's RUR couldn't wait to get their Turing company on the road.
4. Scarlett gazed fondly on the Lilac Destroyer. It may've been a rusty bucket o' bolts, but it was HER rusty bucket o' bolts!
5. The two moons of Femdor rose like two...things not safe for work rising.
6. Primrose adjusted his mirror shades and said: "Now, let's have some fun!"
7. 48 hours later, Scarlett cursed the day she was talked into buying the discount Sleep Inhibitor(TM).
8. Meanwhile, in another part of the galaxy, other things were happening.
9. "Everybody stand back!" Bill shouted. "I'm about to perform science!"
10. Once the nano got into the pipes, it was only a matter of time before the whole building was turned into Fruity Pebbles.
11. "I guess all those hours playing Star Blap Online paid off!" she chorkled. Yes, chorkle is the only word for it.
12. As the tentacles slowly slithered towards Scarlett, she felt she had seen this movie before, and she hated reruns!
13. The quadralithium crystals ate my baby - and it hadn't even been conceived yet!
14. Scarlett prayed the time slip wouldn't mean she had to sit through The Bounty Hunter again.
15. Philately Rose levelled her steam-powered phaser and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." He didn't.
16. The appearance of the Kerplatzen battle fleet made all existential questions temporarily irrelevant.
17. "I don't like the way that android is looking at me," sneered the chap in chaps.
18. The virus caused eno's entire body to explode, but he was determined not to let it spoil his evening out.
19. "You want to destroy me with...an Epimenides paradox?" the AI scoffed. "I think 7 impossible paradoxes before breakfast!"
20. "Drop your pants," she said, "or feel the wrath of the WARTHOG OF DOOM!" "Damn mutants!" Scarlett thought out loud.
21. The Kreelan invasion was momentarily stymied because their generals couldn't agree on slide 37 of the PowerPoint.
22. The battle of Round Corners left everybody with terrible noogies.
23. "Dust bunnies!" Captain Jack muttered. "Vicious bastards. And, you've gone and killed their queen!"
24. "We can't eat kill, kill it or mate with it," Scarlett said, "so I guess we'll just have to leave the damn monolith alone!"
25. She levelled her gaze at him and said: "Did you know that there are 237 ways to kill a man with salmon sashimi?"
26. Their love was forbidden - by society...or the EPA...or Major League Baseball - whoever - but, dammit, it was forbidden!
27. "This can't be a computer simulation," eno complained. "I have a hair appointment on Thursday!"
28. S. patted her Pleasurator X20. Old Yeller got her through another lonely night, but how much longer? How. Much. Longer?
29. However, the email never arrived, so it was war with the mud, people."
30. "If this was in a novel, I would never buy it," she added ex officioly.
31. Scarlett, Captain Jack and the chap in chaps threw their hair back at another adventure well survived.
0. This month will feature quotes from my best-selling scifi novel sequel Scarlett Brushfire and the Mutant Checkerboard.
1. "Sequels are never as good as the originals!" the chap in chaps complained.
2. "Self-reference isn't as clever as it once was!" Scarlett Brushfire responded as she donned her meta suit.
3. Billy Van soon learned that you can't put out a fire with quantum foam.
4. The trip between star systems was only half over, and Scarlett was already sick to death of euchre!
5. By the time the guards had finished comparing battle scars, Morbo had completely vanished!
6. Low-born Ham Chouder would prove his worth to the Council of 127...just as soon as he found his pants!
7. "Can I help you fix that flat warp drive?" asked T-Fal, the psychotic symbiote.
8. A mother will do anything to save a family. But, female flartbottles take this to a disgusting extreme...
9. "Suck it up!" Scarlett responded as she beheaded a Ventrosian Squiggle.
10. Captain Jack was surprised to find that Big Brother was so small where it counted. It explained a lot, though...
11. The Being of Light said, "So, this is unbearableness!"
12. The Zellbergs didn't kvascent as well as they did last year, but everybody agreed the schmantel was exquisite!
13. "When I said, ‘Let's blow this popsicle stand,'" Scarlet sighed, "I didn't mean..."
14. The Floopstein Empire hated cats, and they had the weapons to do something about it...
15. The Purple Unguent peeled back his face to reveal that he wasn't wearing a mask. Much space sickness ensued.
16. "Full house!" Chouder exclaimed. "Great," Scarlett said, shooting a Zentropi trooper, "except, we're not playing poker!"
17. Scarlett stopped the battle in order to fill out the Federation census before the deadline.
18. He hadn't had a mate in so long, he was seriously considering carbon dating.
19. "I am beyond time," the voice vocalized. "I am beyond space. However, I am not beyond the reach of a good Cuban cigar."
20. Madeleine Splatt broke a nail on her way out of the black hole AND SOMEBODY WAS GOING TO PAY!
21. Scarlett looked sadly at the Vortex Manipulator. With nary a vortex in sight, it would have to wait for another novel...
22. With the fate of the universe hanging in the balance, the last thing Scarlett wanted to see was the "mailbox full" message!
23. "Of all the historical figures to run into," Chouder mumbled, "William McGonagall would not have been my first choice!"
24. There were 12 backup plans and an escape hatch, but would that be enough?
25. "Pawn to queen sex!" the chap in chaps exultantly shouted, erroneously thinking it would win him the game.
26. By the 37th Insight, all concerned felt the Oracle was running dry...
27. Scarlett's best intentions didn't work. Not that her worst intentions helped, either...
28. After Interzone was closed down, the Mugwumps applied for jobs in the chorus line at Radio City Music Hall.
29. The crude clown clone clapped creepily.
30. It was the death of hope. But, it was the birth of Hope, 2.0...
31. Scarlett, Captain Jack and the chap in chaps threw back their bald heads at another adventure well survived.
