"Welcome to Indigo/Chapters. How may I help you?"
"I'm looking for What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys."
"What is that?"
"It...it's a book."
"A book?"
"Umm, yeah."
"What's that?"
"What's what?"
"A book. What is a book?"
"You don't know what a book is?"
"Uhh...maybe I do. I mean, we have just about anything you could want at Indigo/Chapters. So, umm, if you just describe it to me, I'm sure I'll be able to figure it out..."
"Oookay. A book is made of paper -"
"Oh. Like stationery!"
"Not exactly."
"That's easy enough. Just go to the 17th floor and walk past small appliances, roto rooter to vacuum cleaner. Stationery is on your left, right next to the 17th floor Barstucks! You can't miss it!"
"Thank you, but that's not what I'm looking for. A book is made up of pages with words on them."
"Words?"
"You know, that you can read. On every page."
"Is it something like a Bonfire e-reader?"
"Sort of, except it's made of paper."
"Why don't you just get a Bonfire e-reader?"
"Because I don't want a Bonfire e-reader, I want a book."
"Oh, look. According to my monitor, you can buy What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys on the Bonfire e-reader for only $19.99!"
"Look. I don't want to buy What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys on e-reader! I want the print version!"
"CUSTOMER SERVICE to Checkout Counter 127! Mabel, to Checkout Counter 127, please!"
"What did you do that for?"
"I'm afraid I may be in over my head, sir. I've just called in some retail reinforcement."
"Maybe I've come to the wrong place."
"Not at all. We sell everything you could possibly want at Indigo/Chapters. It's just a matter of finding out where in the store what you wa - oh, hi, Mabel."
"Hi, Margaret. What's up?"
"This gentleman is looking for something called a book."
"What's that?"
"He says it's made out of paper."
"Did you direct him to stationery?"
"Well, that's the funny part, Mabes. A book is made up of paper that already has words on it."
"You don't say!"
"Actually, I don't. He does."
"Look, if this is going to be a problem..."
"No. No problem at all, sir. Books...books...books. I'm pretty sure I know what they are. Marg, don't we keep them on the...fourth floor? You know, next to the ferret neutering implements?"
"No. The ferret neutering implements are next to the flickercladding display."
"Right! I forgot about the flickercladding display!"
"Well, if you're not a robot looking to maximize its reflective properties on the surface of the moon, you would, wouldn't you?"
"Very pretty, though."
"If you like that sort of thing."
"Umm...about the book...?"
"Right, sir. Sorry. Just getting our bearings. Ball bearings."
"What about them?"
"I'm sure I saw something that looked like what the customer has described next to ball bearings on floor 23."
"No, dear. Monochrome toasters are next to ball bearings."
"Are you sure? I thought monochrome toasters were on floor 32, next to the bear ballings."
"You're thinking of the tricolour toasters next to Ruben Bolling."
"Riiiiiight. Right. I never understood why we had an in-house editorial cartoonist."
"They are expensive, but you only have to sell one of them."
"But, wait a second. Monochrome toasters may be to the left of the ball bearings display - could these...book things be on the other side of it?"
"To the right of ball bearings?"
"Exactly."
"Isn't that a fitting room?"
"Before you get to the fitting room."
"Isn't that where the anteater chow display is?"
"Oh! So it is."
"You don't have any idea what a book is, do you?"
"Umm..."
"Well..."
"You know, when I was growing up, Indigo/Chapters was a book store."
"Oh! I get it!"
"You do?"
"You're looking for nostalgia!"
"Nostalgia?"
"That's right. Nostalgia's on the 44th floor, right between human rights and flannel underwear."
"It's kind of a small display -"
"Not one of the bigger ones, no."
"Easy to miss."
"If you like, I'll be happy to show you where it is."
"You know, I didn't really want to have to do this, but I think I'll just look for the book online."
"Look for a product online? Really, sir, there's no need for that kind of language!"