Curtain up on a fairly pleasant front room. Enter MR. REAGAN through the front door. He moves towards his chair and sits down.
MR. REAGAN: (singing) It's a wonderful day in my neighbourhood(talking) Well, hello, there, boys and girls. You know, my advisers have me studying so hard for my summit with Premier Gorbachev that I wasn't sure I would be able to talk to you today. Can you say Strategic Defense Initiative? (pause) I know it's hard - before yesterday, I couldn't say it, either! Let's just keep calling it SDI, okay? Remember that I told you last week that we would not deploy SDI until there were no more nuclear weapons? And, that we would share it with everybody else? Well, it looked like Mr. Reagan might have jumped the gun a bit, there. Can you say tactical error? (pause) I was afraid that you might. What I meant to say, of course, was that we would put our Star Wars defense system into operation immediately if Moscow wasn't willing to negotiate realistic, verifiable nuclear arms reductions. Can you say important bargaining chip? (pause) I knew you -
DI: (off) Yoo hoo! Mr. Reagan!
Enter CHUCK and DI.
MR. REAGAN: Well, if it isn't the Prince and Princess of Wales! (stands) What brings you to Mr. Reagan's neighbourhood?
CHUCK: (confused) You...you asked us to come.
MR. REAGAN: Well, never mind all that, now. Have a seat.
Chuck and Di sit on a couch opposite Mr. Reagan, who also sits.
MR. REAGAN: How are you enjoying your stay in the neighbourhood?
CHUCK: It's not -
DI: It's been grand! Everybody is so friendly!
MR. REAGAN: What have you been doing?
CHUCK: Well, we -
DI: Oh, we've been to receptions and gone shopping and attended fund-raising dinners and gone shopping and been feted and...and...
CHUCK: (dry) And, don't forget the shipping.
DI: Yes, there was always that.
MR. REAGAN: Why do you think everybody was so friendly?
CHUCK: Haven't the foggi -
DI: Our life has been like a child's fairy tale. The beautiful young virgin swept off her feet by the charming prince...
CHUCK: The charming, handsome prince.
DI: Humph, yes, dear. They were married in the biggest wedding in living memory, bigger even than Madonna's wedding to Sean Penn, and they lived happily ever after. He plays polo and she has babies. What could be more wonderful?
CHUCK: I always believed that most American were closet Monarchists.
MR. REAGAN: Well, isn't that something?
DI: We have to be leaving soon, but, before we go, I'd like to present you with a song I wrote to commemorate the good times we have had in America.
MR. REAGAN: Well, that's very nice of --
DI: Some people think that I am obsessed with dancing, but that's not true. I just wanted the people of the United States of America to know that.
MR. REAGAN: Well, that's -
DI: (clear throat, singing) Somewhere in Reagan's AmericaMR. REAGAN: (wiping a tear from his eye) Well, that was very pretty.
DI: Thank you.
MR. REAGAN: Well, we seem to be out of time, boys and girls. I'd like to thank Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer.
CHUCK: Goodbye boys and -
DI: Goodbye boys and girls.
MR. REAGAN: And, I hope to see you in the neighbourhood again soon.
ALL: Bye.
Curtain.
