One can't help but wonder about a government whose major policy for the economic prosperity of its people depends on the whims of another, far less interested country.
If, as one might reasonably suspect, the Conservative government has no other economic plans, there must be a great deal of pressure on it to come away with a free trade deal. Any free trade deal. The extra innings win in the American Senate Finance Committee that gave the free trade talks the green light (a case of victory snatched from the jaws of defeat, or possibly vice versa) indicates that considerable pressure will come from the American side (which, to nobody's surprise but Ottawa's, is no less protectionist than the Canadian side).
I fear the talks may go something like this:
PETER MURPHY: (American side) Hey, I like your shirt. Where'd you get it?
SIMON REISMAN: (Canadian side) What, this old thing? Why...I...umm...
MURPHY: Well, enough chit-chat. Let's make a deal! (laughs)
REISMAN: (unamused) Oh? Yes?
MURPHY: (laughing) What concessions are behind door number three, Monty?
REISMAN: (bristling) Concessions? Who said anything about concessions?
MURPHY: Lighten up, Simon. It was just a joke. Besides, he's one of yours, isn't he? Monty Hall, I mean...
REISMAN: I suppose so. If we could get down to business -
MURPHY: Sure. Now, about this Auto Pact thing...
REISMAN: Yes?
MURPHY: It's been hurting our boys on the assembly lines ever since we agreed to it. It's got to go.
REISMAN: Well...what part of it do you want to negotiate?
MURPHY: Negotiate? Who said anything about negotiating? It's just got to go.
REISMAN: But, that could seriously hurt the Canadian auto industry.
MURPHY: (hot) Did you come here to talk free trade, boy, or to waste my time with a lot of protectionist hot air?
REISMAN: (small) Talk free trade...
MURPHY: Alright, then. If you want to talk free trade, listen to me when I speak.
REISMAN: (gulps) If Canada is willing to renegotiate the Auto Pact, what is the United States willing to negotiate in return?
MURPHY: We can talk about that later. First things first. Now, about this lumber business...
REISMAN: Wait a minute! What do you mean we can talk about that later?
MURPHY: Now, the way I see it, your government has got to stop subsidizing lumber exports.
REISMAN: (defensively) We don't subsidize lumber!
MURPHY: (lecturing) Now, calm down, son. Duties, tariffs and other forms of government intervention in the workings of the international marketplace only create a spiral of protectionism that hurts everybody in the end. No matter what you call it. At least, that's what your government said when it suggested we hold these little talks. You do remember, don't you, that it was your country that approached us?
REISMAN: Yes. But, look, we've already dismantled the Foreign Investment Review Agency and the National Energy Programme as a sign of our good faith...
MURPHY: (pleasantly) Yeah, and we appreciate it, too. But, that was before the talks began, and right now we're dealing with lumber.
REISMAN: (sighs) What are you willing to give us in return for doing what we can about the lumber situation?
MURPHY: (enthusiastically) Now you're talking! Do you think you could significantly cut your lumber exports to the United States, as well?
REISMAN: (desperate) What's in it for us?
MURPHY: Thanks.
REISMAN: (bitter) Don't mention it.
MURPHY: Ok. Now, there's a little question of magazine, books and TV...
REISMAN: Oh, no.
MURPHY: This Telefilm Canada deal you've got going. It's an unfair subsidy for Canadian film and television production. It's got to go. And, what's this I hear about Canadian content quotas for television stations? We certainly cannot allow that kind of protectionism! And, while I'm on the subject, you give tax breaks to companies that advertise in your magazines, which hurts our American product. Now, I don't want to be negative, I mean, things have been going very well up till now. Still, if we can't reach agreement on these issues, our talks will be useless!
REISMAN: (blustery) But...but, I can't!
MURPHY: (short) Why not?
REISMAN: My government has promised the Canadian people that our cultural identity will not be on the bargaining table!
MURPHY: So, who's talking about cultural identity? Keep your precious cultural identity - it's no skin off my nose. I'm talking about a few industries that have been getting an unfair break.
REISMAN: But, how can we create a national identity if we have no national cultural industries?
MURPHY: No, no, no, no, no, no! You're thinking like a protectionist again. Look, your culture has to compete with others in the marketplace of ideas. If it's viable, it'll survive. If it doesn't survive, it wasn't viable. You see my point?
REISMAN: I'm not sure you appreciate what culture is...
MURPHY: What do you want? I'm a businessman!
REISMAN: (dejected) Right. Me, too.
MURPHY: Good. I think we've made a lot of progress today. Do you want to talk about subsidies to unemployed fishermen today, or should we leave it for tomorrow?
REISMAN: Subsidies to unemployed fishermen? I'm sorry, but I have very explicit instructions that our system of unemployment insurance is not open to negotiation.
MURPHY: We'll leave it to tomorrow, then.
REISMAN: (angry) I'd like to talk about what the United States is willing to offer Canada.
MURPHY: (indignant) Hey! You've still got the shirt on your back, haven't you?
