From the pamphlet "AIDS Hysteria and YOU:"
Do you suffer from AIDS hysteria?
Matt Boland didn't think he did. Matt is tall, muscular and very, very macho. He is also very, very heterosexual, with two children, a contented wife and a large German Shepherd dog named Dr. Spot. In short, not the sort of person you would think would be afraid of contracting AIDS. Yet, one day, Matt met a man on a bus whom he recognized from the evening news as a person with AIDS. How did he react?
"Please! Oh, please!" Matt babbled, falling to his knees, "Don't breath in my direction! I have children...a wife...a mortgage! I can't afford to die!"
Later, Matt (not his real name) was reluctant to discuss the embarrassing episode. "It was so demeaning," he admitted. "You...you don't expect it...I mean, this sort of thing always happens to the other guy, right?"
We have all heard of AIDS, Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. But, how many of us really know what the disease is? Far too few - this is why AIDS hysteria is sweeping the continent. Most doctors fear that the hysteria, a highly contagious ignorance spread by word of mouth and media, is spreading faster than AIDS itself.
How can you tell if you suffer from AIDS hysteria? Researchers have compiled a list of symptoms that might indicate whether you, too, have this dreaded affliction.
1. When giving blood, do you insist that all needles and other medical instruments be sterilized in your presence? Must the person taking the blood swear on a stack of bibles that he or she does not have AIDS?
2. Have you pulled your children out of public schools until all the teachers and other pupils have been tested for AIDS? Do you find yourself becoming fearful if your child brings home an unfamiliar textbook?
3. Do you repeatedly wipe off cutlery and dishes in restaurants, worrying about the health of the people who used them before you and the people who handled them in the kitchen? Are you prepared to cause a scene in public in order to get clean cutlery? Are you prepared to walk out of the restaurant if dishes aren't cleaned to your satisfaction?
4. Do you wear gloves going into unfamiliar buildings because you are afraid of touching doorknobs? How about walls?
5. Do you avoid public washrooms for fear of contracting AIDS from a tap, sink or toilet seat? Do you carry a can of Lysol on your person on the off chance that you will have no choice but to use a public facility despite yourself?
6. Do you take your own glasses to bars, not wanting to drink out of glasses used by people you don't know? Do you take your own alcohol to bars, not wanting to get a drink from a bottle drunk out of by a person you don't know? Do you still go to bars?
7. Do you refuse to use any public telephones for fear that somebody with AIDS has drooled all over the mouthpiece? Do you refuse to use telephones anywhere other than the safety of your own home, where you make sure to sterilize the mouthpiece and receiver at least once a week?
8. Do you replace your toothbrushes every two weeks (as opposed to the recommended three months) because you are afraid that a person with AIDS, for some reason unable to purchase a toothbrush of his or her own, sneaks into your house during the day and uses yours?
9. Are you afraid to use a company typewriter or computer Video Display Terminal for fear that the person who used it before you has AIDS and sweated on the keyboard?
10. Do you find yourself staying at home more frequently than you used to? Are you afraid to make new friends? Are you starting to question the sexual orientation of the friends you do have?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you are an idiot.
AIDS has killed thousands, and doctors agree that the number of cases is increasing dramatically. The disease attacks the immune system of those who have it, leaving them susceptible to a variety of illnesses. Approximately 90 per cent of people with AIDS are homosexual. AIDS is transmitted through the exchange of bodily fluids: through sexual contact, shared needs and transfusions involving infected blood. The Red Cross is now screening blood for the virus, and research into a cure is being conducted on many fronts.
AIDS hysteria has affected millions, and sociologists agree that the number of cases is increasing dramatically. The disease affects the intelligence of those who have it, leaving them susceptible to a variety of inane ideas. Undoubtedly, most of those who suffer from AIDS hysteria are heterosexual. AIDS hysteria is transmitted through casual contact will improperly researched media reports on AIDS and through gossip.
Don't succumb to AIDS hysteria. Educate yourself.
