Thank you, Liderazgo Transformador, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we saw a picture of trichobatrachus robustus on the Internet. A freaky picture. Nasty freaky. It's a frog that has hair and extendable claws. That's right, a hairy frog with extendable claws. Apparently, it produces them by breaking its own bones and then puncturing its toe pads with them.
And, we thought, It's a strange day when we have to watch The Evil Dead just TO CALM DOWN!
Enjoy,The All Seeing One Also Had Complaints About Changes To The Interface
Shares of Amazon.com dropped by a third on news that its takeover of the Web site Godreads had resulted in a plague of locusts descending on the company's corporate headquarters.
"Yeah, that happened," stated Vice-Prophet in Charge of Media Relations Azaria, son of Beppi. "I gather that Yawheh was unhappy about the preference tracking software that we use. But, honestly, how can a being who boasts of omniscience begrudge us a little information?"
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=27ddccd7-f7f7-3r0r-0f21-a2eb4cc6a852]
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Aww, They're So Darn Cute And Fluffy - Why Would They Want To Spoil Themselves Running Large Corporations?
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1343533766]
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Sorry, But We Can't Translate What Your Boyfriend Says To You
STATEMENT: Meetings between Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird and Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas were "very productive." TRANSLATION: When we weren't yelling at each other, I did a lot of knitting and he finished a jigsaw puzzle.
STATEMENT: "We have some profound differences of opinion on the way forward, but not on the need to go forward." TRANSLATION: It's hot, and they don't even know how to make a proper donut. Why did I want this Cabinet position again?
STATEMENT: "We are looking forward to continuous Canadian support in believing in institution building and trying to help building the capacity of the Palestinian authority toward statehood." TRANSLATION: Maybe we'll have better luck with the Americans...
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=764&dir=bb]
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It's Heartbreaking Because It's True
The National Rifle Association is spending millions of dollars to block a United Nations arms trade treaty.
"We have to draw a line somewhere," stated NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre. "If Sudan cannot buy armoured combat vehicles, the next thing you know, the UN will be coming after your BB guns!"
When it was pointed out that the Second Amendment didn't have anything to do with the right of arms manufacturers to sell armoured combat vehicles to Sudan, LaPierre responded: "It, uhh, it's implied. You know, Original Intent and all... The Founding Fathers could be very...foresightful that way..."
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1306749887463590.xml]
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The Captain Renault Schtick Never Gets Old
The Harper Government of Canada is shocked, shocked, I say, to find out that wealthy Canadians are shifting their money offshore in order to avoid taxes. To help the Canadian Revenue Agency track the miscreants down and recover some of the money, the government has cut $47 million from its budget.
The absurd ironyometer wonders if Leona Helmsley could have been on to something...
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Hang Up! Hang Up!
Your country has strong social servicesSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/630.html]
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Fleyebi-Knight - Wasn't That A Rush Album?
The Harper Government of Canada is investigating the Royal Bank of Canada's plan to fire some of its employees and outsource their jobs to temporary foreign workers.
The Government has hired Fleyebi-Knight Investigations to conduct the inquiry. "We will be sure to get to the bottom of this, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes," said chief detective Dilip "Lederhosen" Khan. "We will earn every penny of our three dollars and fifty cents a day. Oh, wait - your country no longer has pennies, does it? Well, we'll...we will work hard, we will. Very hard. You know, investigating. You can rest assured of that!"
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20130408.eladvote0408_@/BNStory/newsWedidn'twritethis2013/]
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"There Is No Such Thing As Margaret Thatcher," Said Society.
The Iron Lady has rusted out.
Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has died of a stroke at the age of 87.
Police at her funeral were ordered to keep out anybody who looked like an anarchist, a soccer hooligan or Elvis Costello.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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He Thought They Were Talking About Drought Beer, And Asked For A Tall, Cool One
Canada's decision to withdraw from the United Nations convention to combat drought likely has nothing to do with its cost, which, at $350,000 a year, is probably less than Prime Minister Stephen Harper spends annually on sweater and smiling consultants. And, it certainly has nothing to do with climate change being the root cause of worsening drought conditions because, you know, climate change is a figment of Al Gore (and 30,000 scientists, who might also be a figment of Al Gore)'s imagination.
No. According to International Co-operation Minister Julian Fantino, it's because drought has been given a raw deal in the media. "Think of the potential for sand sculptures," he pointed out. "Not to mention a thriving hourglass industry!"
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2013/04/07/130407]
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