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Enjoy,A Short Guide To Film Metaquette
Excerpt from the screenplay for the film Laugh.
INT. FOOD COURT - DAY
In an out of the way corner of a shopping mall food court, TIM and ROD are sitting at a table, picking at French fries and sipping ridiculously large beverages.
TIM: Look, all I'm saying is that if you're going to do a movie parody, do it right.
ROD: Un hunh.
TIM: There are rules to making these things work.
ROD: Rules. Sure. Like...?
TIM: Well, the first rule of parody is that it should be close enough to the original so that viewers can know what's being made fun of, but not so close that they can't tell the difference.
ROD: Mmm...how would that work?
TIM: Well, say you were doing a parody of horror films, and you wanted to parody a scene from Scream. You wouldn't just have two guys sitting in a mall food court talking about the genre of film they were in. There has to be a twist.
ROD: A twist?
TIM: Yeah. Something that makes it funny.
ROD: Like, they're wearing weird clothes?
Tim looks at his clown costume.
TIM: This isn't that weird.
ROD: Course not.
TIM: It...it makes me a chick magnet at clown school...
ROD: I hear you, brother.
TIM: Anyway...that idea's silly...
Goofy looking aliens enter and start blasting shoppers and stores behind Rod and Tim.
ROD: Oh oh oh - maybe goofy looking aliens invade the shopping mall, and the two guys keep talking like nothing's happening.
TIM: Where the hell did that come from?
The army arrives and beats back the aliens.
ROD: I'm just brainstorming, man.
TIM: You gotta do better than that. You can't just throw plot elements into the story that you're not gonna fully explore - that'll just confuse the viewer. And, anyway, it's lazy.
The battle moves out of frame. Except for the odd scorch mark on the wall, life in the mall returns to normal.
ROD: Wouldn't want to be lazy.
TIM: Damn straight.
ROD: How about this: one of them farts and the other wets himself laughing?
TIM: You've been watching Wayans brothers films again, haven't you?
ROD: Sorry.
Rod farts.
TIM: What'd I just say?
ROD: Come on, man - nothing?
Tim stifles a laugh.
TIM: No. That was cheap and vulgar!
ROD: Just a little one?
TIM: I - no - I won't dignify that with -
Tim laughs uproariously. After a couple of seconds, he abruptly stops.
TIM (CONTINUING): Oh, crap!
ROD: No probs, man. We can get that cleaned up in no time.
TIM: Whatever. Anyway, another rule, maybe the most important one, is never, never, never have a character mention the fact that you are doing a parody.
ROD: Why not?
TIM: Aww, man, there's nothing worse than a parody that thinks it's so clever that it winks at the viewer!
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/laughsnoriot.shtml]
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When I think of Marines, the first thing that comes to my mind is giggly girly-men who are afraid that women will laugh uproariously if they get a good look at the men's junk. Okay, I don't really think that way. That does, however, seem to be the way infantryman Ryan Smith thinks, if his op-ed piece for the Wall Street Journal is any indication.
Which societal norms is Smith so worried about breaking by allowing women to fight on the front lines? The norm "Thou shalt not kill?" Clearly not. The norm that all people should be treated with respect and dignity? Please! - have you never seen Full Metal Jacket? The norm that conflicts should be resolved by peaceful means? Oh, why don't we just admit that military men, in the immortal words of Michael Jackson, are not like the other boys?
What makes this crazy is the realization that the United States of America is sending men who think like 12 year-olds to other countries to kill people.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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And, Let's Be Honest, It Wasn't That High To Begin With...
An appeals court has struck down a ruling that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was in a conflict of interest.
"This was the right decision," said Ford lawyer Andrew Farley. "You don't want to criminalize arrogance and stupidity. If you did, three quarters of City Council would be behind bars!"
"This was the wrong decision," said Clayton Ruby, the lawyer who brought the case to court. "It sends the message that you can get away with anything if you're dumb enough. The average IQ of a City Councillor just went down twenty points!"
The ruling guarantees that City Council will return to its normal back-stabbing, petty, often irrational dysfunction.
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/politics/city/and-we-were-so-looking-forward-to-a-byelection-too/]
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Maybe Your Quickness To Waterboard Has Already Taught Them Something...
Efforts to end torture and other harsh coercive methods that are used in some Afghan intelligence and police detention centres have failed according to a recent United Nations report.
"Maybe we should waterboard the dumb Afghani bastards," a high Pentagon source stated. "That would teach them something about the rights of suspects!"
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1406781800267760.xml]
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A Cinematic Tank That Crushes All In Its Path
Movie fans were surprised by yesterday's announcement that for at least the next 20 years, every major science fiction and fantasy franchise film will be directed by J. J. Abrams.
"He did a great job with the Star Trek reboot," said uberfan Michael "Slappy" Funkerton, host of the Garrulous Geeks of Geekdom podcast. "His Star Wars was pretty good, and he seemed to have a handle on Batman, Iron Man, Green Lantern, Indiana Jones and Atomic Betty. Still, his take on Lord of the Rings was...redundant, and the less said about his attempt to revive Space: 1999, the better.
"Maybe J. J. should move over and let somebody else have some fun for a while..."
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0378761/]
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Persecution Is Complex
In order to discourage Roma from coming to the country and claiming refugee status, the Harper Government of Canada has started a billboard advertising campaign in Hungary. Tag lines include: "Canada - stinkier than three week old chicken paprikash left out in the sun!" "Canada - not as dysfunctional as the European Union, but we're working on it!" and "Canada - don't you get the feeling that we don't want you here? Because, you know, it's not like we're being subtle about it!"
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1067352124]
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