Thank you, Yolanda Gampp, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, Cadbury, a subsidiary of Kraft Foods, won a trademark case brought by Nestle when a judge determined that it deserved exclusive use of the colour purple. Expect a lawsuit against Alice Walker any day, now. We would boycott Kraft products, but mmmmmm...Dairy Milk!
Enjoy,A Swift Romney To The Groin Of The Poor And Middle Class
The Heart is a Lonely Cost Accountant
When thinking about the lives of ordinary people and suchSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/614.html]
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He Might Want To Change His Name To Scott White To Avoid Confusion
If Scott Brown loses his Massachusetts Senate seat to Elizabeth Warren, he can always join the Arizona police force. I'm sure they would be happy to have somebody who knows a person's ethnicity just by looking at them.
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue]
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It'll Hit The Country Like A Walkerton Of Bricks
Sweeping changes that will lighten the red-tape burden on small businesses will not diminish public safety, Treasury Board President Tony Clement insists. Four years after the Conservative government was hit by a deadly outbreak of tainted meat, it has yet to produce a widely accepted assessment of whether Ottawa has enough inspectors to keep Canadian food safe.
Among the systematic reforms, Ottawa will require that when any new law is created, at least one existing one must be eliminated. Ms. Weatherill's independent report to the government concluded she was unable to determine whether Ottawa was spending enough on food inspection because of a lack of information and "differing views."
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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DETENTION DIARY: Easy To Be Ignored
WEEK FORTY-ONE
"Have you ever seen orange glowing wolves in the middle of a jungle clearing?" my father asked. He may as well have been asking me if I had ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. (I haven't.) (Danced with the devil.) (Under any circumstances.)
"There's no such thing," I responded.
"Not when you're in your right head," my dad allowed.
When Gertrude kicked me out of the house, I frantically asked everybody I knew to take me in; my father was the only one who said he would. So, I ended up in his trailer, bought and paid for by his military pension and certain odd jobs that the family was glad he never wanted to talk about (although he occasionally looked pouty that we didn't at least pretend that we wanted to know so that he could protest that he wasn't going to tell us). My dad was in his sixties, but he looked like he was in his eighties. Of course, given how much drugs and alcohol he had consumed in his life, he should have looked like he was in his hundred and twenties, so I guess he came out ahead on the deal.
Sitting at the small table in his cooking/eating area (which was too small to be dignified with the noun "kitchen"), my father told me of the strange visions he and his marine buddies had in the jungles of Vietnam. Guns growing on trees with bullet shrubs all around them. Cream cheese castles ruled over by mutant spider monkeys with the heads of sheep and the upper body strength of WWE stars, named Boris. A telephone you kept in your pocket that you could watch movies and play games on! Crazy, but he and the other soldiers in his platoon saw all that, and more!
When his tour ended, my father did some digging and found that their visions had been caused by a CIA programme to experiment with psychotropic drugs using American soldiers as their test subjects.
"That makes no sense, dad," I told him.
"Why not?" he grumbled.
"Because, this is the United States of America. We don't -" I stopped myself. Because, of course, we do. My dad had listened attentively when I described what had happened to me in my absence, but, when he tried to describe what had happened to him, my knee jerked. How easy it was just to deny it! Ultimately, though, somebody who had spent months talking to a cockroach couldn't condemn somebody who had seen orange glowing wolves in the jungle. "Umm...actually, dad, I believe that that could have happened."
"Good!" he responded. "Good. Now that we understand each other, there are some people that I think you should meet..."
SOURCE: Harpo's
[http://harpos.org/archive/2012/10/14/dd-9000041]
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Hey! Some Of The Schools We Helped Build For Them Haven't Been Bombed Into Oblivion!
The Connecticut State Supreme Court overturned the sexual assault conviction of a man because the woman he raped did not bite, kick or scratch him, or otherwise screech, groan or gesture that the sex was not consensual. The woman had cerebral palsy which not only made it hard for her to fight, but she had the intellectual functional equivalent of a 3 year-old and was unable to verbally communicate. There is a very good chance she didn't even have the capacity to know what was happening to her.
Remind me, again, how we're doing such a great job liberating the women of Afghanistan!
SOURCE: This Week in Medievalism
[http://hosted2.twIm.org/APDEFAULT/bbd825583c8542898e6fa7d440b9febc/Article_2012-10-05-
HealthBeat-Free%Rape/id-b426496b78574f468236f8786520b7fe]
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Weewee The People...
Okay, okay, okay. The average size of a man's...weewee is ten per cent smaller than it was fifty years ago. Ten per - I did not make that up, people. It's in an Italian study - of course, it would be the Italians who studied that kind of - okay, that's not important right now. It's scientific, okay? Okay. So, what's happened in the last fifty years? Right. The moon launch. What? No, what would the moon launch have to do - it made men feel so small relative to the size of the universe that their...peepees shrunk? Umm...okay, that's a theory. Let's keep that in mind. But, but, but what else happened in the last fifty years? Fluoride in the drinking water? No, no, no. I mean, yeah, sure. Fluoride in the drinking water is probably responsible for everything from the deficit to the decline in the popularity of American network television, but that's not what I'm thinking here. Can we please focus on my theory of - what? Obesity, stress, smoking and environmental pollutants? Where did you get that crackpot id- WHO LET THE AUTHOR OF THE STUDY IN HERE?
No, no, no. It's the women's movement. First, they wanted equal pay for work of equal value, then they wanted men to wear women's clothing, then our...man parts shrunk. I'm connecting the dots here, people! Scientifically! Hunh...fluoride in the drinking water!
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_062904/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
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Hardball - We're Talking Bocce, Right?
WESTERLY: Well, Chris, I think Mitt Romney saw that there was a minute left and he was down a goal and knew that if he wanted to pull the game out he had to give 110 per cent. And, I think he gave 120 per cent.
MATTHEWS: James, what was your impression of the first Obama/Romney Presidential debate?
SERVILLE: Oh, there's no doubt in my mind that Obama was ragging the puck hoping to run out the clock. Of course, that strategy hardly ever works. You gotta take the game to your opponent. There's an old saying in politics: your opponent can't score from his own end of the ice.
MATTHEWS: You two miss the NHL pre-season, don't you?
WESTERLY: Oh, yeah.
SERVILLE: Hell, yeah!
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/heshootshescores...alandlsidevictory.shtml]
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