Thank you, Andrew Look Youngman, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, Sarah Palin advised Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan to "Go rogue." And, we thought, Where did we store the tranquilizer darts? Apparently, today going rogue means bypassing the "liberal media" to get their message out. Really? Wouldn't they have to agree on their message first? And, stick to it?
Enjoy,On The Other Hand, He May Be A Full-throated Alaskan Snow Elephant - That's How Hard It Is To Tell
Some people were surprised that Status of Women Minister Rona Ambrose voted against the interests of women on a bill to determine when personhood starts. (HINT: it's in the womb.) They shouldn't have been: Ambrose has just revealed that she is a member of the Harper Government of Canada's Double Think Caucus.
The Double Think Caucus includes Public Safety Minister Vic Toews, who supported the elimination of the long gun registry against the advice of criminologists and police chiefs across the country; Labour Minister Lisa Raitt, who supports back to work and other union busting legislation, and; Environment Minister Peter Kent, a supporter of decreased energy company regulation and increased tar sands development.
Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who ran on a platform of open government, may be the leader of the Double Think Caucus, given his centralized control of information. However, given his centralized control of information, it's hard to tell.
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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Good To Know That If He Doesn't Win The Presidency, Romney Has A Bright Career Ahead Of Him As A Social Planner
According to Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, Democratic President Barack Obama disrespected Benjamin Netanyahu when they were both at the United Nations General Assembly because he didn't kiss the Israeli Prime Minister's ring.
In response, President Obama said: "I - what? Is that, that's not even a Jewish thing, is it? I don't - I don't think - I don't think that's - what?"
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1006849806723460.xml]
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From Small Akins, Mighty D'oh!s Grow
You know, I really was planning on taking a vacation this week. No, seriously - I had the bus tickets in my pocket and was looking forward to slathering on the sunscreen so I wouldn't burn under the bright glare of the casino lights. Then, somebody asked Missouri Republican Todd Akin for his opinion of the Lilly Ledbetter Act, and my dream fell apart faster than a Mitt Romney budget proposal.
Akin's position on civil rights gives new meaning to the phrase, "Giving somebody the business," doesn't it? I wonder what his position would be if every individual in the country incorporated. Akin's head would probably explode. I would be willing to clean up the aftermath.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take a shower. Sunscreen can get really itchy if you leave it on too long without going out into the sun!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Scalia May Be The Only Person In The Country Breathing More Easily
The Supreme Court of the United States of America has declared that it will no longer be deciding cases involving civil rights. "These cases involve the careful weighing of competing interests," Chief Justice John Roberts explained. "Clearly, we are not up to the task. Fortunately, we know somebody who is."
Ann Coulter? Really? "I think civil rights are for blacks," not feminists or gay people looking to get married Anne Coulter?
"Ann Coulter," Roberts confirmed. "Her certainty as to who deserves civil rights and who doesn't is much better than our constant arguments!"
"Phew!" exclaimed Justice Antonin Scalia. "Thank goodness there is somebody who knows how to deal with this. To quote my favourite legal scholar, Supreme Court Barbie, 'Civil rights cases are hard!'"
SOURCE: Business Law Daily
[http://biz.mcferber.biz/pubs/BLD/login]
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Some Americans are upset at the perception that the Israeli government, usually neutral on the subject of American politics, favours Mitt Romney in the upcoming election.
"Israel has gotten billions of dollars in aid from the United States over the years," said Hugh Shai, a car rental clerk in Jerusalem, New York. "You would have thought Benjamin Netanyahu would have recognized that his government is one of the 47 per cent Romney thinks is mooching off the American government!"
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1398941597435]
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Is It Too Late To Coptic A Plea?
The Vatican has strongly denounced a recent translation of an ancient text written in Egyptian Coptic, claiming that there is no basis for the belief that Jesus was an adept breakdancer.
"All of the texts we have indicate that Jesus could not carry a tune," an editorial in L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican's newspaper, stated. "Obviously, our texts are definitive and this is just an inept forgery."
"That's not what I claimed," said Harvard scholar Karen King. "I said that early Christians debated whether Jesus could do the Electric Boogaloo - this does not necessarily mean that he did. I mean, really! How can the Vatican be trusted to interpret ancient texts when it can't even properly interpret a modern text!"
SOURCE: Unicycle
[http://www.unicycle.com/new.php?p=articles&id=527&but=allis1]
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As Gandhi Truly Said: Be The Change You Want To Impose On Others In The World
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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When Did Apologizing For Other People's Shortcomings Become The Norm?
Margaret Wente, in an article supposedly apologizing for her self-professed "journalistic lapses," wrote that she was "sorry we live in an age where attacks on people's character and reputation seem to have become the norm."
After cleaning up the Irish mocha latte half-caf it had spit up (getting a score of 8.2 - even the Austrian judges were impressed), the Absurd Ironyometer wondered: does Wente not read her own writing?
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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