Thank you, theonetruewebgoddess037, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we checked into rehab on the same day that Billy Joe Armstrong of Green Day checked into rehab. We know, right? Could our timing have been any worse? Of course, our rehab was for heart problems and his was for substance abuse. Still, we're doing our best to recover from the results of bad life choices - don't we deserve at least some massive tabloid coverage?
Enjoy,If You Look Around The Table And You Can't See The Government-Dependent Victim Who Will Never Take Personal Responsibility For His Life, It's You
Okay, see, here's the thing: if you insult almost half of the voters in an election, you make it pretty much impossible to win. That's not politics. That's math. I know that Republicans have a troubled relationship with reality, but, if they cannot count to 100, why should anybody trust them with an economy that requires people to talk about trillions?
What makes this statement so terrible? It's not that the Mittwit earned so much of his wealth the old-fashioned way (by inheriting it - don't tell me you didn't see that one coming: it's been around since the 1800s, coincidentally the time the Republicans want to take us back to!). It's not that his company is responsible for so many Americans collecting government benefits because it shipped their jobs to other countries. It's not the equation of Democrats with Welfare queens (in fact, people on public assistance are more likely to vote Republican). IT'S ALL OF THESE THINGS, AND SO MUCH MORE!
But, you know how it goes. Mood lighting. Soft music. Everybody has had a little wine and is feeling really good. That's when you think it's a good idea to admit that you lost your virginity to the captain of the football team when you were 16. This was Mitt Romney's "I lost my virginity to the captain of the football team when I was 16" moment. Of course, he might not have grown up to be so contemptuous of so many people if he had lost his virginity to the captain of the football team when he was 16!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Look Forward To The Sequel: The Centre Of Middles
The End of Endings: And the Rise of History (Again)History. Men. Vegemite. Books have been written about the end of all of those things. And, guess what - they're all still here. Especially vegemite. The people who wrote those books, well, unfortunately, they're still here, too, mostly explaining how they were being metaphorical all over the place so how could anybody have taken them literally when their books were first published and, in any case, they have new books now about things other than endings - like, beginnings! - and can we please concentrate on those, instead?
Hanna Fukayama, in The End of Endings, makes fun of these and other triumphalist vampires. Given such a worthy pursuit, 567 pages doesn't feel like enough...
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.43.33/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Hmm...Not Exactly Quebec Levels Of Outrage, But Every Movement's Got To Start Somewhere...
Ontario students are complaining about a $200 art history textbook that has blank spaces where illustrative examples of paintings should be.
"It's not a rip-off," explained the publisher. "It's an example of post-modernism."
"Oh. Thanks for the lesson," the students said to themselves, and went back to their studies.
SOURCE: Art Splorts
[http://www.artsplorts.com/diary/id=9334]
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Admirable Self-restraint - Or...Is It?
So. A fringe possibly white supremacist group puts a short video on YouTube mocking Mohammed, sparking deadly riots throughout the Muslim world. What's the best way to calm frazzled nerves and defuse tensions?
I'm pretty sure Charlie Hebdo publishing cartoons making fun of Mohammed isn't it.
Listen up, asshole magazine editor! Just because you have freedom of speech doesn't mean you have to express every thought that enters your pointy head! I could say that the NHL lockout means that people will have to spend some winter evenings doing something productive with their lives, but I don't. Because there is a very good chance that it would start a riot. I could say that when the government comes for your wife's uterus, no amount of guns in the world will save her, but I don't. Because the last thing I want to do is piss off people with so many guns. I could say you're not big-boned, you're obese, but I don't. Because that would just be mean.
With great power comes great responsibility. If Peter Parker can learn that, surely you can!
SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole
[http://www.(^!$%!$#_)!(*)!*)*)*#%!&&%(.com/index.html]
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DETENTION DIARY: Somebody Let The Christmas Tree Out Of The Bag
WEEK THIRTY-NINE
I was getting the sense that my wife was losing patience with me.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, PHIL?" she shouted. "Seriously! Get the hell out of there! Get the hell out of there, now! You're scaring the children! You're scaring ME! I can't take much more of this, Phil! DO YOU HEAR ME? I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS! YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW!"
It was subtle - Gertrude was always a little guarded about her emotions - but when you've been married to a woman for almost 15 years, you get pretty good at reading her vibe. And, Gertrude was putting out a bit of an unhappy vibe.
"AAAARGH!" she roared and stomped out of the bedroom.
I had only been camped out under the blankets in our bedroom for three days. Under the circumstances, three days didn't seem unreasonable. The circumstances? Photographs had made their way to the Internet, which were then picked up by newspapers, which then appeared on television news shows (which were then criticized for showing the photos by bloggers on the Internet, thus completing the circle). Grainy, black and white photographs, but clear enough: in a filthy prison, American soldiers were siccing dogs on naked men, chaining naked men up to walls and...and...
And, there was I, the star on the top of the Christmas tree.
Gertrude stopped bringing me food after a day. She had caught on quickly that I wasn't actually physically ill. I think the screaming started when I tried to explain to her what had triggered my anxious flight to the bed. Still, we have a strong marriage. We support each other through thick and thin. I'm sure she just needs time to fully understand what I'm going through.
In the meantime, I really need to do something about that gurgling in my stomach...
SOURCE: Harpo's
[http://harpos.org/archive/2012/09/30/dd-9000039]
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After living on its own for several decades, Canada has decided to move back into embassies with its mother, the United Kingdom.
"Times are tough," Canada explained. "I've tried making diplomacy on my own, really, I have, but I just can't afford it any more."
"It will be good to have the boys back in the house," the UK stated. "If Australia and New Zealand also return to our embassies, it will be just like old times. And, as long as they remember that it's my house, my rules, we should all get along just fine."
Is this not embarrassing for a country that is 145 years old? Canada shrugged and gave the excuse that all children returning home as adults give: "It's only temporary. Once I get on my feet, I'll get my own place again. I promise."
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=756&dir=bb]
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