Thank you, Prem Watsa, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, Waaaaaatsaaaaaaaa?!
Yeah, yeah, we know that meme has run its course. Jeez Louise, why didn't you sign up for The Daily Me a decade ago when making fun of your name would actually have been culturally relevant?
Enjoy,Prime Minister Stephen Harper, on the subject of the Northern Gateway pipeline, recently stated: "The only way governments can handle controversial projects of this manner is to ensure that things are evaluated on an independent basis scientifically, and not simply on political criteria."
The Absurd Ironyometer wishes it had invested in Eli Lilly back in the 90s when it had the chance. Given how much Prozac it uses, it might now be able to afford to put its absurdly large number of children through university.
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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There's A Six Month Waiting List, You Know
Former Republican Maryland Governor Robert Ehrlich wrote a column for the Baltimore Sun arguing that charges of racism are being used by progressives seeking to discredit the Tea Party.
In response, Ozark Tea Party member Inge Marler made the following joke:
In humour there is often a lot of truth, and the truth conveyed by this joke is certainly that there is no racism in the Tea Party. However, this is not the only example of argumentatum ad humerus. Consider the joke circulated by the branch of the Tea Party known as the Northeast Pennsylvania Spirit of 1776:
Nyuuuuuh…okay. Strictly speaking, President Obama is a Christian, not a Muslim. Otherwise, there's nothing racist about the first black President of the United States of America getting the crap beaten out of him, just as there would not have been anything disrespectful if you replaced Obama with, I don't know, Ronald Reagan?
The Tea Party is clearly a movement that supports tolerance and diversity. This can be seen clearly in Tea Party Activist Jerome Corsi's response to President's Obama's announcement of his support for gay marriage:
Umm…yeah. Okay. I can see as how such statements could be misinterpreted as hateful. Given such a possibility, you may be wondering why Governor Ehrlich isn't in the Bag of Crazy. Listen: the condo boom in the Bag of Crazy may be bigger than anywhere in the sane world, but that doesn't mean people can move in right away!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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I Think We Need To - Wait - What?
Confronted by a looming 2020 deadline for curbing greenhouse gas emissions, the Harper Government of Canada will ramp up its efforts to reduce climate change pollutants. Ottawa will allow Alberta to use its own greenhouse-gas rules - rather than federal regulations being drafted - to corral the soaring carbon emissions of the oil sands.
"We do recognize that the provinces have played a part," Environment Minister Peter Kent said. "But, the federal government has played its part and will over the next eight years assume an even larger part in getting those emissions down." Another key element: the provinces would be able to set their own rules to achieve federal targets.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Hold On - You Thought I Meant THIS Tuesday?
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Although, To Be Fair, The Competition For That Distinction Is Currently Fierce
Republican consumptive Presidential nominee Mitt Romney has announced that his running mate will be Congressman Paul Ryan. You know what this means? Exactly: Romney managed to choose somebody whose credibility on job creation is even worse than his own.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2012/ALLPOLITICS/08/11/reps.main/index.html]
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They Need To Work On Their Empathy Circuits A Bit More
"There have been some recent spills and, as a government, we're not happy with that," Natural Resources Minister Joe Oliver commented about energy company Enbridge.
When asked what the Harper Government of Canada would do about it, Oliver answered, "I just told you."
Reporters looked at each other, confused. When pressed about what actions his government would take, the minister sighed and said, "I just expressed our unhappiness. That was an 'action,' wasn't it? What? You don't think speaking is acting? You would rather I sent F15s into Calgary to strafe the headquarters of oil companies while soldiers evacuated women and children from the area? Would that be 'action' enough for you?"
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2012/08/08/509727.html]
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You Know, Statements Like That Will Keep You From Being Popular With The Fish Fetish Community
Researchers from National Tsing Hua University in Taiwan and the Karlsruhe Institute of Technology in Germany recently used DNA from chum salmon testes to build a data storage device. They did warn, though, that, once written, stored data could not be written over, as is standard with today's computers.
But, honestly, who would want to? Isn't using fish testes once bad enough?
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1124G3DP-2F145-20L5-EEE1582614Q711711]
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Gun Ownership - Wawra Rah
An American tourist killed three people and injured at least a dozen in Calgary. According to the police report, a man walked up to Walt Wawra and asked him if he had been to the Calgary Stampede.
"I was sure he was going to pull a weapon of some sort," Wawra stated. "So, I took out my Colt 45 and blew him away. And, maybe, some other people, too. In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to tell."
Wawra cannot understand why he has been charged with murder, attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon and disrespecting the Calgary Stampede. "I was just protecting myself in a life or death situation," he explained. "I mean, do people in this country often just walk up to complete strangers, smile at them and ask them how their day is going? What kind of barbarians are you?"
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=50022641310041314002fx]
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