Jessica (fourth from the left, fifth from the right or second from the bottom) would give you the teeth out of her mouth. That's just the kind of vampire she is.
Thank you, Erika Thorkelson, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we were given a choice between a red pill and a blue pill. To the surprise of the man who was holding them out to us, we snatched and scarfed both. Almost immediately, gigantic squids flew through the air above our heads and Ryan Seacrest was the President of the United States. The man who offered us the pills shook his head sadly and said, "Wow. You are so not the one."
Enjoy,Oh, There's Enough Contempt To go Around...
Transcript of a discussion between Michigan State Representative Lisa Brown and Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamas on the subject of a Draconian anti-abortion bill.
BROWN: I'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina, but no means no!
STAMAS: Please don't use that word.
BROWN: Excuse me?
STAMAS: Please do not use that word.
BROWN: What? No?
STAMAS: No. Not that word.
BROWN: Oh. Do you have a problem with the word vagina?
STAMAS: The V Word. Yes. Please do not use it again.
BROWN: Vagina is a perfectly good, scientific word for a woman's reproductive organs - I'm certainly not going to call it the V Word.
STAMAS: If you use that word one more time, I will hold you in contempt and revoke your right to speak to this chamber.
BROWN: What word should I use?
STAMAS: How about vagitation?
BROWN: That's ridiculous!
STAMAS: Perhaps you could use vagihaha?
BROWN: I don't think so.
STAMAS: Vaginamagina?
BROWN: Are you serious?
STAMAS: Va...guely unsettling part of a woman's anatomy?
BROWN: To you, maybe.
STAMAS: Vaggie-aggie?
BROWN: This is childish. The word vagina is -
STAMAS: That's it. You're in contempt of the House. You will not be allowed to speak on this issue any further.
BROWN: This is absurd! You want to ban abortions after 20 weeks, even for dead fetuses or when the woman's life is in jeopardy, and otherwise make it so onerous that it is almost impossible for women under 20 weeks to have the perfectly legal procedure, and just for using the word vagina I'm the one in contempt?
STAMAS: You got it. Now, step away from the mike or I will have it shut off.
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/contemptlevelinfinite.shtml]
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Chicken Hawk Chickenshit
As a young man, Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney "longed" to be in Vietnam. He yearned to stand in its rice paddies. He ached to spend time in third world poverty. He positively mooned over the country. He wrote bad poetry about it. He wouldn't shut up about it in his private journal. But, alas, all his longing was to be unrequited: he was given four military deferrals and never did make it to the war.
It's like Romeo and Juliet, really, only with carpet bombing and Agent Orange.
SOURCE: The Day To Day Show, with Jon Tudor
[http://www.comedycentric.com/tv_shows/thedaytodayshowwithjontudor/headlines_pol.jhtml]
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I'll Get My Revenge With Lavish Praise - That'll Teach Her!
I have a friend - let's call her...Jessica, if only because that's her name. She has a novel out called Triptych, which has had a lot of positive reviews, including a starred review in Publisher's Weekly. This got her an agent, which is helping her get other work published. Last week, for example, I attended the launch of her new novella, The Dark Side of the Glass.
In the time-honoured tradition of publishing, I know I should be lividly green with envy over Jessica's success. However, she was generous with her time and talent in acting in the pilot for my radio series. And, she arranged to have me read at Faery Fest. And, she gave me a guest spot on a podcast she hosted. And, she helps promote other writers at her publisher, Dragon Moon Press. And, she still makes time for the fan community. For these and other reasons, much as I would like to be jealous of her success, I have to kind of admire her.
Bitch.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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It Is Easier For A Camel To Pass Through The Eye Of A Glass Darkly...
Reflections on Democracy After Wisconsin
It's fucked.
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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In other news, Ray Dolin, who is hitchhiking across the US and writing a memoir called The Kindness of America, was shot in the arm while sitting by Highway 2 in Montana.
The Absurd Ironyometer was considering quoting Blanche Dubois when the valley County Sheriff's office announced that Dolin had confessed to shooting himself, quite likely to gain publicity for his book. The Absurd Ironyometer breathed a sigh of relief that the world would be spared that cultural reference; then, it realized that an author of a book on kindness didn't trust Americans to be kind enough to want to buy his book. Sadly, the Absurd Ironyometer thought, my job has only just beginning...
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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And, These Are The People Who Are Supposed To Be All Gung Ho About Racial Profiling?
In an attempt to win over Latino voters, the Republican National Committee developed a Web site entirely in Spanish. Perhaps embarrassingly (it's hard to tell with people who have no shame), the illustration at the top of the page was of Asian children. In order to avoid similar scenarios in future, I offer the following tips to the RNC on how to tell the difference between Latinos and Asians:
Of course, the easiest way to determine the differences between Latinos and Asians would be to talk to them. Given the Republican position on immigration, though, I can see why this might be hard to do...
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=753&dir=bb]
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