Thank you, Daisuke Yamanaka, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, the transit of Venus happened. Zalman King fans were disappointed to find out that it was only the rare passage of the planet Venus across the sun.
Enjoy,Science Fiction LOLCats: On The Road Again...
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Lord Have Amercia On Our Souls
People have been making fun of A Phone app for Mitt Romney's Presidential campaign that said that a vote for him was a vote for "A Better Amercia" (until the Internet a-mercilessly made fun of it, at which point "Amercia" was changed to "USA"). What most people fail to grasp is that this wasn't a typo: it was a description of a Republican alternate reality.
Amercia is an alternate universe where making millions of dollars at an investment firm that specializes in breaking up companies and firing workers qualifies you to hold office on a platform of job creation.
Amercia is an alternate universe where a sitting President can give the order to kill an official enemy the previous President swore (but failed) to kill, but be accused of politicizing the military because he doesn't belong to the right political party.
Amercia is an alternate universe where underage unicorns happily work in sweatshops for whatever the owners are willing to pay them. Under polluted skies that look like rainbows.
Amercia is Mitt Romney's home.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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Home Is Where The Novartis
The closing of a Novartis plant in Nebraska has resulted in shortages of the company's drugs in Canada. This is causing headaches for Canadians who can no longer find its popular heartburn relief product Maalox.
On the bright side, at least Excedrin is still available for that...for now!
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1124H6EC-2C145-20K5-AAA1502614B718741]
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Great Scott! (Okay, That May Be An Overstatement...)
RAY MANCINI: That was an exciting first round, wasn't it, Marv?
MARV ALBERT: It sure was, Ray. Attorney General Eric Holder came out swinging against Florida Governor Rick Scott on the issue of voter purges. He made a solid body blow on the issue of the law banning voter purges within 90 days of an election. Then, he followed that up with a brutal overhand smash to the jaw on the issue of getting preclearance from the federal government for changes to state voting laws. To be honest with you, I thought that was a knockout blow for sure!
MANCINI: Keep in mind, though, that Scott can bob and weave with the best of them. In the next round, expect a flurry of memos on the constitutionality of Florida's voter purges. Individually, the blows may not seem like much, but, in combination, they can set Holder back on his heels.
ALBERT: Anything else we should watch out for?
MANCINI: Well, Marv, the Supreme Court, acting as referee for the bout, hasn't been required to make any calls, yet. However, the longer the match goes, the more pressure will grow on the ref to step in. And, although the Supreme Court is supposed to be impartial, boxing fans have known for years that it favours right-handers.
ALBERT: So, Holder better hope he lands a knockout blow soon?
MANCINI: Absolutely.
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/thelawsinaholderingpattern.shtml]
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Tentacle Bento is a Japanese card game that places players in the role of a "horrid, tentacle flailing, slime oozing monster from outer-space," who, disguised as a student at an all-girl's school, sets after the other girls and "snatches" them in order to violate them. Tentacly. It was good clean fun, a parody of card games as well as a satire of Japan's obsession with young girls and tentacled creatures.
The sequel, Tentacle Bento 2: The Tentacle is on the Other Foot, is a card game where you play the monster trying to rape innocent victims, only this time the victims are young men. This is just disgusting.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/110711/geeklynews/01thetentaclerisesatdawn.htm]
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Progress Sometimes Looks Like Failure, But You Have To Keep In Mind That...Umm...That...Other Times...So, Yeah...
Cut funding to mental health care. Mental health care facilities are forced to kick patients out. Mentally ill people end up living on the street. Some mentally ill people turn to crime to survive. Increase penalties for street crime in response. Prisons start to overflow with mentally ill people, for which they are ill-equipped to cope. 
Tell the United Nations that Canada sets a shining example unto the world of humane prisoner treatment (because we say we do) and that it should mind its own business set up an exchange programme for policing information with China and Saudi Arabia criminalize having mental problems (justifying it by saying that it's merely a codification in law of existing judicial practice)
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=752&dir=bb]
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Walkering All Over Democracy
The attempt to recall Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker was complicated by the fact that automatic phone calls advised Wisconsinians that they could vote psychically. They were told to simply stay at home and, any time while the polls were open, think about how they wanted to vote, and it would be automatically tallied by psychic scrutineers.
"I figured out that the calls were bogus," said Wisconsin native Beth Tarbelly. "If psychics were really being used in the election, they wouldn't have had to call us to tell us, would they?"
Another series of phone calls advised Wisconsineers that voting for the recall would turn them gay. "I immediately knew that that wasn't right," stated Cutlinger Barbour. "Sex education in public schools turns you gay, not voting. Republicans must think Wisconsininnies are stupid or something."
In the wake of his victory, Governor Walker is calling for a state constitutional amendment that would ban recalls of government officials. "I'm just trying to save my friends some money," Governor Walker explained. "A lot of money, actually. Great, heaping shit-loads of money, if you must know. It's the least I can do for them."
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2012-06-06-walkering-small_x.htm]
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