Thank you, SANOU IS RECRUITING, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, conservatives voted for George W. Bush because he was the kind of person they could go out and have a drink with. Those same people are planning on voting for Mitt Romney despite the fact that they can't see themselves going out and having a drink with him (unless they regularly drink thousand buck a bottle champagne). Can somebody please explain this to us? Anybody? Please?
Enjoy,DETENTION DIARY: The Waiting Doesn't Get Any Easier
WEEK TWENTY-TWO
I mean, if I'm going to trial, I have to consult with my lawyer, don't I?SOURCE: Harpo's
[http://harpos.org/archive/2012/06/03/dd-9000022]
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That Joke's In Poor Taste!
(Like Much Of Modern Television...)
Eugene Polley, inventor of the first wireless TV channel changer, has died of natural causes at the age of 96. Those who attend the funeral will be given clickers that will allow them to adjust the speed at which the casket is lowered into the grave, as well as give them the choice of viewing one of six eulogies from three major religions.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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A Black Joke On Canada
I have been inspired by Conrad Black's presecution to start a campaign to Free the Oppressed Newspaper Tycoons of the World. Sorry: Free the Oppressed Newspaper Tycoons of the World!!!! (slogans for such campaigns are taken more seriously the more exclamation marks they employ). Oppressed Newspaper Tycoons of the World should not have to spend time in jail just because they were convicted of fraud!!! They shouldn't have to wait a whole 24 hours to get a temporary permit to live in Canada for a year before they had even been released from an American prison for fraud!!!! They certainly shouldn't have to be subjected to critical comments about their patriotism just because they renounced their Canadian citizenship in order to obtain a foreign honour, or their fitness for renewed Canadian citizenship just because they spent time in an American prison for fraud!!!!!!!!
It's wrong. It's so very, very wrong.
Or, I could just let Lord Black of Crossharbour express the sentiment in his own crazy way. Yeah. That sounds like a lot more fun.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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He's Obviously Hoping For High Turnout From The Sleep-voters Demographic
ROMNEY: "Listen, my friend. I speak in calm, even tones. I could say the most outrageous thing, and many people would nod their heads. Bats are using coded messages in episodes of Two Broke Girls to send my campaign slogans to use in print and television advertising. Yes, you heard me correctly, my friend, Two Broke Girls. You see how that works? Totally nutsoid, but said in such reassuring tones that you want to believe that it is true. George Washington was the inventor of Velcro. Paul Ryan's budget plan is good for the economy. Oh, I'm in no danger of running out of ideas, my friend, each crazier than the last. But, as long as I deliver them with assured self-confidence, I still have a good shot of becoming President."
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/romneytothegroin.shtml]
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On The Other Hand, They ARE Learning A Valuable Lesson In The Pettiness Of Local Politics
It looks like ball hockey is not going to come to Pine Street in downtown Toronto after all. The speed limit on the street is 40 kilometres per hour and a study of traffic patterns over the last three years shows that it averages only 127 cars a day, much less than the 1,000 car daily maximum set by a city by-law. Unfortunately, a survey of neighbourhood residents showed that only 78 per cent supported the game, two percentage points less than the threshold designated by the by-law.
"Well, that sucks," said Timmy, who was looking forward to getting an elbow in the face and skinning his knee this summer. "I guess we'll just have to wait until next summer to recanvas the neighbourhood. Until then, I'm thinking of an outdoor ad campaign..."
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#52230633427]
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The Character Is Canadian - You Know What They Are Like!
Marvel Comics has announced that Northstar, one of its first openly gay superheroes, will be marrying his mate in Astonishing X-Men issue 51. This has caused some consternation among those Marvel comics readers who are openly homophobic.
"I was planning on seeing The Avengers another 30 times," commented Duke Cunningshard. "But, I'm so upset by this announcement, that I might only see it another 25 times...26 at the most!"
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/110711/geeklynews/01stanthemansurelycanlifttheban.htm]
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He Was Honoured...With A Subpoena
On a royal visit to Canada, Prince Charles was awarded the title of Honorary Commissioner of the RCMP.
Before he could tell an indifferent nation how grateful he was, he was asked to give testimony at an investigation of police conduct at the G20 summit in Toronto.
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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Their Economy May Be A Mess, But They Still Make A Great Salad
2 bad, sucker) Why has the Facebook Initial Public Offering done so poorly?SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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It's An Exciting Time For Canadian Employers
Although the Harper Government of Canada has eliminated many provisions of Employment Insurance in C38, the big bus budget bill, new rules to replace them have not been announced. This has led to come confusion about what will constitute an acceptable job offer.
"Hand jobs should not be ruled out by those who would otherwise be on EI," said Minister of Finance Jim Flaherty. "We have all had to accept jobs that were less than what we would have liked, but there is no bad job. The only bad job is not giving a hand job."
"People should be willing to travel an hour or more," Fisheries Minister Keith Ashfield added, "if it means they can make a viable income, although if they are going to travel all that way, they should be willing to give blowjobs, not just hand jobs."
"WHAT?" shouted Canadian evangelical Christian leader Charles H. McVety loud enough to be heard in three provinces, two territories and at least four American states.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20120520.eladvote0520_@/BNStory/news2012/]
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