The Daily Me - Laverne Shawanna

Thank you, Laverne Shawanna, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, according to Executive Creative Director of Ogilvy Group Rory Sutherland, marketing was "too heavily directed toward rational argument." As we drank our beer and wondered where all the supermodels the ads had promised us were, we considered installing an Absurd Ironyometer in our office to warn us when public figures were making head explodey statements.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

It Would Help Market The Experience If A Couple Of Drivers Were Permanently Disfigured...

Two more chunks fell out of the Gardiner Expressway this past week. Fortunately, neither hurt a driver, although the city's reputation was maimed. Politicians were outraged that the problem hadn't been fixed, but I would argue that that outrage was misplaced.

Toronto should be charging a toll for people to drive under the Gardiner, marketing it as "an exciting journey you'll never forget!" Unlike amusement park rides, which offer safe thrills, there is real danger in this ride. Not only would this save the city the cost of fixing the Expressway, but it could actually generate substantial revenue.

SOURCE: The Matrixxx

[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/city/news/chicken-little-was-an-optimist/]
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Namedropping Is So Uncool (Unless You're The One Doing It, Fool!)

I Like /Writers/ I Like

Robert J. Sawyer
Is near future's voyeur.
Stephen Pearl
Sure can create a fascinating world.
John Scalzi
Is pretty ballsy.
J. M. Frey
Can write! (My, oh, my!)
Michael Swanwick
Writes with a kick.
Nicole Chardenet
Likes to play.
Karl Schroeder
Is a great future narrator.
William Freedman
Is so funny, I peed, man.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/607.html]
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Funny How Easily Magic Can Morph Into Magical Thinking

Officials at the Canada Food Inspection Agency say that planned changes to the way meat is inspected on farms - which include allowing dead animals into the food supply - should not alarm consumers.

"People who die from eating tainted meat can always switch where they buy their food," said Agency spokesperson Tim O'Connor. "That's the magic of the free enterprise system."

SOURCE: Canadian Depress

[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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Our Money Was On Islam :-(

"And, it's Judaism quick out of the gate. Judaism. Judaism. Judaism, followed closely by Paganism. Judaism, followed closely by Paganism with Christianity closing in. Christianity passes Paganism for second place. It's Judaism, Christianity and Paganism. Judaism, Christianity and Paganism. Judaism, Christianity and Paganism, with Christianity losing steam. Judaism and Christiani - no! Christianity falls behind Paganism! It's Judaism, then Paganism, then Christianity dropping back to a distant third. Judaism. Paganism. Judaism. Paganism. Judaism widens its lead. It's Judaism. Judaism. Judaism. Judaism. They're at the wire, and the winner is CHRISTIANITY by a country mile!"

The Religious Suffering Sweepstakes, as called by Michael Coren.

SOURCE: The National Whipping Post

[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=9ec9ecda-b6e6-0c18-bf0b-01b012cc01ec]
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Conservative Can't Get His Head On Straight - It Tilts To The Right!

Parliament's backbenches are an incubator for the crazy. Sitting there, day in and day out, watching your party's leaders make grand speeches and propose sweeping laws while you have to smile and pretend that acting like the duck with the bobbing head and occasionally voting on something is what you entered public life to accomplish would make even the sanest person indulge in bizarre personal reveries. And, most politicians are not the sanest people to begin with.

In utero bullying? Thanks to Conservative MP Maurice Vellacott, I have images of gangs of fetuses invading wombs and demanding that the rightful residents hand over their lunch money, or making fun of the goofy way their telomeres look. That's an image that I'm going to need years of therapy to get out of my head.

Thanks, Maurice. Thanks a lot.

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Wow! Somebody Declared Total War On The Memo That They Can Neither Confirm Nor Deny That They Didn't Get!

"As we do, we must also reaffirm that the United States is not - and never will be - at war with Islam. I've made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam." - President Barack Obama on the death of Osama bin Laden

 "We have now come to understand that there is no such thing as 'moderate Islam.' It is therefore time for the United States to make our true intentions clear. This barbaric ideology will no longer be tolerated. Islam must change or we will facilitate its self-destruction... Ultimately, we can do very little in the West to decide this matter, short of waging total war." - Lt. Col. Matthew A. Dooley, as part of a course of training for military officers

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Somewhere, Brian Mulroney Pumps His Fist And Shouts In Exultation, "Yes! Yes, I Did Make A Difference To The Country!"

Conventional wisdom suggests that Canada has Dutch Disease: a high currency due to oil exports that undermines the competitiveness of its industrial base. Not so, a report by the Institute for Research on Public Policy concludes.

"Decades of free trade agreements that make it cheaper to manufacture finished products overseas have made a major contribution to the devastation of the sector," the report states. "We wish that people would keep that straight!"

SOURCE: The Irrational

[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2012/05/16/tradingdecimalplaces120516]
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DETENTION DIARY: The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

WEEK TWENTY-ONE

The days drag on as I wait for my lawyer.

SOURCE: Harpo's

http://harpos.org/archive/2012/05/27/dd-9000021
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Oh. So, You Found That Clause, Did You? Oh, Well.

Buried in the Conservative Government's budget bill is a measure that will end the 27 year-old Fair Wages and Hours of Labour Act, which would allow federal contractors to stop paying prevailing wages in a region ($20 to $30 an hour) and pay the minimum wage (from $9.27 to $10.25 an hour).

Does this mean that they believe in unfair wages and hours?

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
9088591831813&call_pageid=768335278492&col=568666972154]
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The White House Did Not Comment On The Proposed Ad Campaign
The Washington Press Pretty Much Ignored It

Presumptive Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney has distanced himself from a proposed ad campaign that would have linked President Barack Obama to the perceived radical pastor reverend Jeremiah Wright. Joe Rickets, the billionaire founder of TD Ameritrade who runs the Ending Spending Action Fund Super PAC, claimed that he wasn't aware of the plan. The Ending Spending Action Fund has announced that it will not be running the campaign after all.

Oh, god! Can we please fast forward to the convention where Romney will get the nomination so we can have some actual news to report?

SOURCE: The Postington Wash

[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2012May18.html]
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