The Daily Me - marlin.messopotatios

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The Daily Me Staff

Trust The Military To Bales On Its Most Damaged Soldiers

Q: Staff Sergeant Robert Bales went on a shooting spree and killed 16 Afghani civilians, mostly women and children. Why is everybody making such a big deal out of it?

A: Bales wasn't following orders.

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=742&dir=bb]
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Besides, I'm More Of A Crochet Man, Myself...

You know, I'm not sure that being allowed to sign other people up for Facebook groups is such a good idea. I got a notice the other day that somebody had signed me up for the Nazi Satan Worshippers and Needlepoint Group.

Don't get me wrong; I mean, they seem like a great bunch of guys. It's just that, you know, being Jewish and all, I just don't think that I would fit in...

SOURCE: Computers Byte Magazine

[http://www.computersbyte.com/s=8279/compsbyt1234727696921/]
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The Bag Of Crazy - Want Friess With That?

You think you know the Bag of Crazy? Take this simple test to find out: match the person in the Bag with their name, a recent quote and my opinion of their quote. Those of you who have studied the Commutative Law of Crazy will know that it's not as easy as it sounds!

i) Bill O'Reilly
ii) Sarah Palin
iii) Foster Friess
iv) Michele Bachmann

one) "Back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn't that costly."
two) "Kathleen Sebelius, the Health and Human Services Secretary - she said that it's important that we have contraceptives because that prevents pregnancy, and pregnancy is more expensive to the federal government. Going with this logic...it isn't far-fetched to think that the President of the United States could say, we need to save health-care expenses - the federal government will only pay for one baby to be born in the hospital per family, or two babies to be born per family. That could happen."
three) "Sandra Fluke... believes that all of us should pay for her sexual activities."
four) "Now, it has taken all these years for many Americans to understand that that gravity, that mistake, took place before the Civil War and why the Civil War had to really start changing America. What Barack Obama seems to want to do is go back to before those days when we were in different classes based on income, based on color of skin."

une) So, the black President, who happens to be black, wants to the United States go back to a time (did I mention that the President is black? Because, the fact that the President is black is kind of important, so try to keep the fact that the President is black in mind) before the Civil War when blacks (you know, people like him) were slaves? There's got to be a flaw in that logic somewhere...
deux) I know, right - I thought it was Limbaugh, too! Maybe they get their talking points from the same Chinese laundry/Conservative think tank...
trois) It isn't far fetched? You should really gauge how high the ceiling is before you jump to those kinds of conclusions!
quatre) That must have made doing the Funky Chicken easier...

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Detention Diary: "I'm Mandy, Fly Me?"

WEEK TWELVE

Back in the interrogation room, I thought that the interrogator was a little taller than he was the last time I was here. He seemed a bit too old to be going through a growth spurt. Maybe he was the subject of some bizarre military supersoldier experiment. If so, though, why waste him on me?

His hair looked a little blonder, too, and perhaps a little thicker. But, I had difficulty knowing for sure. After a while, the interrogators seemed to morph into each other, not unlike a time lapsed version of the video for that song by Godley and Creme...you know the song I'm talking about...the song...umm, for the song..."An Englishman in New York?"

"Okay, we're not getting anywhere with the methods we have been using, so we're going to try a different approach," the interrogator said. "Who is your contact with Oskar Ibn Rachim?"

"Sting?" He sang "An Englishman in New York," didn't he? No, wait. He did do a version of the song, but Godley and Creme did their own version of the song. Not versions - I mean, they were actually different songs with the same title. Wait - did I say that out loud?

"The lead singer for the band The Police?" the interrogator, confused, asked.

"No, sorry," I hastily replied, "I...I was thinking of something else."

The interrogator stared at me, not sure what to make of this. That gave me the time to consider "Snack Attack." Was there even a video for "Snack Attack?" Great song, but probably not the one I'm thinking of. "Under Your Thumb?"

"Are you having trouble concentrating on the matter at hand?" the interrogator asked, harshly. "Because, you know, there's a simple solution for that problem..."

"What...what was the question, again?"

"Who is your contact with Oskar Ibn Rachim?"

"My...contact?" I looked at him blankly. No, that was a Rolling Stones song. No, the Rolling Stones song was "Under My Thumb." My thumb. Mine. "Under Your Thumb" was definitely a Godley and Creme song. But, did it have a video?

The interrogator made a gesture with his hand. A man I had never seen before walked out of the corner of the room with a device that looked like a battery with spare wires sticking out of it.

"I want you to understand that we are at war," the interrogator told me as the other man pulled down my pants and underwear. "And, in war, there are no rules. Only results." The other man got the engine humming. "Despite the fact that you have left us no choice, the American government would like to apologize, in advance, for what it is about to do to you. Please try to keep in mind that this is what makes us different from our savage enemies." The interrogator nodded. The other man leaned towards me.

Every nerve of my body was set on fire, centred on my groin and radiating outwards. "Cry!" I cried.

The interrogator nodded and the pain stopped. "Cry?" he blandly asked. "Is that part of the code by which you communicated with Oskar Ibn Rachim?"

"N...n...no," I gasped. "Video. Morphing...faces..."

The interrogator shook his head sadly. "They never make sense...at first," he said, to nobody in particular. Not even himself.

The pain started up again. Having answered the question, I had nothing else to look forward to, so I passed out.

SOURCE: Harpo's

[http://harpos.org/archive/2012/03/25/dd-9000012]
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Yes, The United States And Egypt Sure Can Learn A Lot From Each Other

For the third time in as many consecutive legislative sessions, a bill to require women to undergo a sonogram prior to receiving an abortion gained Senate approval Thursday. The case had sparked a national outcry and getting it into court was considered a victory for the female protesters who were subjected to the tests and had raised hopes of further trials of those accused of abuse.

Women said they were beaten, given electric shocks, subjected to strip searches while being photographed by male soldiers, then forced to submit to "virginity tests" and threatened with prostitution charges. The legislation requires doctors to perform the ultrasound and offer women a chance to see the image and hear the fetal heartbeat, if it is present. Physicians must also give a verbal description of the image, including whether the fetus has limbs or internal organs.

SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups

[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Ask Ottawa No Questions, They'll Telco You No Lies

"Ottawa dials up competition in wireless
Tories bet on a modest boost in airwaves, network access and foreign cash to empower newcomers and educe consumers' bills" - front page of Globe and Mail

"New telco rules: 'Total disaster'" - front page of Globe and Mail business section

SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines

\[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1078833724]
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I Wish I Could Say That Hate Makes You Stupid, But, Frankly, Stupidity Makes You Stupid

A company called Stumpy's Stickers is selling t-shirts, coffee mugs, bumper stickers and, for all we know, bowling balls and bed sheets with the slogan: "Don't re-nig 2012."

"I know it's racist," said Stumpy Stickers' employee Joe "Stickers" Peeps, "but I wasn't racist when I designed, produced and put the bumper stickers and other things up for sale. I just hate our president that much."

SOURCE: CBBS News

[http://www.cbbsnews.com/stories/2012/03/11/politics/main542815.shtml]
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To Be Fair, Things That Don't Exist Rarely Show Up On Radar...

The United States government has cancelled production of the F-35 stealth fighter. This makes sense: after 25 years and untold billions of dollars in development, none of the fighter planes were actually produced.

In response to the US move, the Harper Government of Canada is having second thoughts about buying 65 of the planes.

SOURCE: The Irrational

[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2012/03/13/theplanetruth120313]
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