Thank you, Baratunde Thurston, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we hope you had a happy Brigadoon day (as opposed to happy freakin' Tuesday, which couldn't possibly be good for anybody - you really need to get your telephone connection looked at). At least, those of you we don't wish would disappear for the next four years...
Enjoy,According to the Liberals and NDP, robo-calls to potential voters in the last election misinformed them about changes to polling stations, an illegal tactic that may have been used in as many as 29 ridings. Wow. Stephen Harper must have been taking notes when he met with Karl Rove early in his first term. Allegedly. Met with Rove, I mean; not, alas, had a first term.
I can't help but wonder, though, if the Conservatives couldn't have given their voter suppression tactics a Canadian face. The pre-recorded calls could, for example, have:
Voter suppression is still a sleazy tactic. But, at least these steps would have made it a sleazy Canadian tactic.
SOURCE: Canada: Still A Country?
[http://www.irritationnation.ca/whattolookat.asp?ID=299423174-7/]
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At 140, It's Still 20 Characters Longer Than The Average National Inquirer Article
I was reading a newspaper article about basketball star Jeremy Lin moving to a new apartment when I had an epiphany: Twitter is just tabloid journalism for the rest of us!
SOURCE: Jennifer's Brain Blorts
[http://weblogger.brainblorts.home.html]
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Gunboat Diplomacy (Minus The Boat)
I guess somebody had to signal that it was okay to make remarks about violence against Democrats now that a full year has passed since the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords. Thanks to Oklahoma Republican John Sullivan for filling that obvious void.
You know, it wasn't really my intention to make the Bag of Crazy a daily thing, but conservative politicians make it too hard to resist.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Detention Diary: The Man Who Ibn Who You Think He Is
WEEK TEN
Today's interrogator looked different. More interrogatory. I think. Lately, I've been having trouble focusing. I think I'm gonna need glasses. Shit.
"Who is the White Mercator?" the interrogator asked.
I wanted to say something witty and clever, but when I opened my mouth, "Awww gwab gwabny awww fwink," came out.
I was splashed with water that came in a bucket conveniently placed in a corner of the room. I had not noticed the bucket before. If I had been more on the ball, I might have recognized dramatic foreshadowing in effect. As it was, I was just happy that the water woke me up a little.
"Who is the White Mercator?" the interrogator asked again.
I shook my head. Before I could even think about whether the phrase was appropriate, I blurted, "Beats me."
The interrogator allowed himself a small smile, which, under the circumstances, chilled me more than a wicked grin would have. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves," he advised.
In the silence that followed, the implications of the interrogator's statement sank in like a body tied to an anvil sinks to the bottom of a lake. Having always had the uncanny knack of filling an awkward silence with even more awkward conversation, I asked, "Can you, umm, do something about the cockroach in my room?"
"There is no cockroach in your room."
"But, I've seen it. We..." I trailed off. It occurred to me that continuing "...'ve had long conversations about the absurdity of life" might give the interrogator the wrong impression. Or, the right impression.
He was too offended to notice. Pulling himself straight in his chair, the interrogator insisted, "This is a clean facility. We wash out your cell every day while you're in the exercise yard. Really! We're not barbarians!"
As if to underline the point, the guard standing behind me swatted me on the back of the head.
After sufficient time had passed to the pain to subside, the interrogator asked: "When you met with Oskar Ibn Rachim in Istanbul, did he tell you who his arms dealer was?"
"Who is Oskar I..." I started.
"Ibn Rachim."
"Bibble Rackem?"
"Ibn Rachim."
"I Bin Rakin?"
"Oskar. Ibn. Rachim."
"Who is...he?"
"The man you met in Istanbul."
"But, I've never been Istanbul."
"You had to have been to Istanbul."
"Why would I have had to have been to Istanbul?"
"Because that's where you met with Oskar Ibn Rachim."
I knew there was a flaw in that logic somewhere, but I couldn't focus clearly enough to find it...
SOURCE: Harpo's
[http://harpos.org/archive/2012/03/11/dd-9000010]
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To Appreciate The Logic, You Must Free Your Mind Of Preconceptions...
Then, Free Your Mind Of Facts...
And, Finally, Free Your Mind Of Logic...
Yeah, yeah, I know that the strength of Alberta's oil sands investments has been driving up the value of the Canadian dollar, which has brutalized manufacturing in central Canada. Still, I stand by my statement.
Ontario should support Alberta's oil industry because it will create jobs in Ontario. If it doesn't seem that way, it's just because all of those Ontario jobs will be created in Alberta.
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2012/02/29/519767.html]
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To Show That They Are Serious About Not Wanting Racists In Their Party, The Republicans Are Forcing Him To File All Of His Paperwork In Triplicate
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Jolie Good Show
The frequent attempts by one of Angela Jolie's limbs to escape her dress at the Oscar ceremonies has finally been explained. According to her publicist, Jolie was trying to do the hokey pokey, but she couldn't remember any of the words beyond: "Put your right foot in."
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2012/2012/02/29/hokeypokeylogic/]
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Unless The Liberals Dare To Use Conservative Internet Snooping Laws When They Next Take Power, In Which Case Their Assault On Basic Liberties Is An Egregious Affront To All That Is Decent! Egregious, I Say! Egregious!
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1474833115]
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Pay Attention To The (Not So) Fine Print
Astrophysicists have discovered a new type of planet: a "hot ice" water world with a thick, steaming atmosphere.
Researchers have found a flaw in the setup of an experiment that startled the science world last year by appearing to show particles travelling faster than the speed of light. If they are correct, the speed of light remains the upper limit to how fast something can travel in the universe.
The grad student who discovered the planet originally called it Kevin, after the actor Costner who starred - what? Buzzing? What bu - oh, that buzzing? Don't pay any attention to it, it's nothing - in the film Waterworld. However, it is officially called GJ1214b.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1124H3EC-2C175-20CK5-AA1582614B717841]
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God Big Or God Home
On his first radio broadcast, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said: "We lost the vote on the Eglinton subway. Now, it's up to god...if god chooses not, I think personally that's political suicide. But, you know what? That's up to his congregation the next time they go to church."
God's representative on earth, Pope Benedict XVI, replied, "Well! Somebody certainly has an inflated sense of his own importance, doesn't he?"
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1082251831813
&call_pageid=968335201092&col=923766972154]
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