Thank you, Polyester Padmini, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we were tempted to look at the Republican debates as a form of beauty pageant, except we couldn't imagine any of the candidates winning the Congeniality Award...
Enjoy,But He'll Probably Be Grateful 24 Hours From Now
After careful consideration, we have decided to take the step of throwing our support behind Mitt Romney for the Republican nomination for President.
Some Republicans have accused Romney of being a flip-flopper. Really? This from the party that was for an individual mandate in health care until it was against it? This from the party that was for an American intervention in Libya until it was against it? This from a party that had long supported infrastructure spending until it was against it? This from the party that was all for budget deficits when George W. Bush was running them up until it was against them when Barack Obama became President? Romney would be the perfect leader for this Republican party!
When we contacted Romney to tell him of our endorsement, he responded, "Uhh, thanks, but I think I can manage on my own. No, really, I'm good."
SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer
[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2011Dec03.html]
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We'd Say It Was The End Of Reality TV, But We Were Wrong The 27 Previous Times We Said That
Monday. 9pm. Fox. Real Nerds of Boston. Rowland hooks up with Bettina in the back of MIT's particle physics lab, much to the chagrin of Doctor Mephisto, who is trying to hold a class there. Meanwhile, Sonoma, The Imitation and Brad figure that the whole idea of a reality series that riffs on The Big Bang Theory is lame and decide to abandon the whole thing and grab a pizza.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Wasn't He One Of The Four Puppies Of The Apocalypse?
So, I was on the subway on my way to the Nothing to do with Sex Show, when I saw the following image on a seat:
I know, right? It's Jesus, Mary and Joseph's pet puppy Abednego! Now, I wouldn't say that I'm a religious man, but even I know about the three legged dog with the rope tail, as described in the apocryphal Book of Ben & Jeremiah's!
When I called the TTC to try and explain the significance of the image, they thanked me for my concern and said that they would get somebody to clean it right away. When I told them that it was sacred and that the seat should be taken out of the subway car and placed in a shrine in a church, there was a long pause, after which they thanked me for my concern and said that they would get somebody to clean it right away. Then, they quickly hung up before I could comment further. I used my phone to take a picture of the image, just in case, but I'm not worried that the image is going to be cleaned off the seat any time soon.
I mean, we are talking about the TTC here.
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/city/seen/we-are-convinced/]
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Supply Your Own Rimshot
Newt Gingrich will be the Republican candidate for President? Really? Dude's got more baggage than a bus depot on a Friday afternoon!
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue]
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Remind Me: Is Doug The Cute One, The Intellectual One Or The Thuggish One?
Councillor Doug Ford's office has suggested Toronto schools consider an initiative called Ultimate Fighting Championship Community Works. According to its brochure, the programme promotes "the development of discipline, respect, teamwork, honesty, time management and physical fitness by having children beat each other to a bloody pulp."
Toronto District School Board Chair Chris Bolton, who has been trying to find ways to decrease violence in public schools, threw up his hands and stated, "If anybody wants me in the next couple of months, I'll be at lunch."
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
1082395561813&call_pageid=906330178492&col=968932908154]
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Learner's Kermit
Kermit. Kermit. Kermit. Kermit. You just couldn't stick with your felt Borscht belt shtick, could you? You hadda be relevant. The villain in your new movie is a greedy oilman named Tex Richman. Really? Did you think nobody would notice that you and your felt fellow travelers are brainwashing the nation's children to hate success? Especially success in the oil patch - The Muppet Movie is obviously a thinly veiled liberal attack on President George W. Bush! You know, there's only one thing this sort of infant class warfare can lead to: increased bedwetting and the Occupy Wall Street movement! I suppose we shouldn't be surprised: Kermit always did say that "It's not easy being Green." Could his anti-progress agenda have been stated more plainly?
SOURCE: The O'Meilly Factor
[http://www.foxynews.com/story/0,2503,96477,01.html]
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How Do You Think Santa Keeps Up The Productivity Of His Elves?
German Chancellor Una Merkel told a packed Bundestag that it was "absurd" to claim that Germany was trying to "dominate" Europe.
When asked why she was wearing multi-studded leather bondage gear, Merkel said that she was in costume for an early Christmas party. Nobody dared ask her for what kind of Christmas party multi-studded leather bondage gear would be an appropriate costume.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/
DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=31218]
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The Aboriginal JIG Is Up
EXT. HOUSE ON KITCHENUHMAYKOOSIB INNINUWUG LAND - NIGHT
DUDLEY DO-RIGHT: Hey, man. Like, what's happenin'?
DONNY MORRIS: Do I know you?
DO-RIGHT: Sure. I'm a member of the Kitchenyoumakemelunch -
MORRIS: Kitchenuhmaykoosib Inninuwug?
DO-RIGHT: Yeah. That tribe. You know, the one you are Chief of, Chief?
MORRIS: Why are you wearing a Mountie hat?
DO-RIGHT: I, uhh, I'm in a play? About, you know, how native people have been historically oppressed by the man and stuff, man.
MORRIS: Un hunh.
DO-RIGHT: I'm certainly not part of the Aboriginal Joint Intelligence Group gathering information about extreme or subversive activity on the Kitchenyoumakecouscous Inawig -
MORRIS: Kitchenuhmaykoosib Inninuwug.
DO-RIGHT: Right. On...that tribe's land. Our tribe's land.
MORRIS: Look. We have a right to protect our land - there is nothing extreme or subversive about that.
DO-RIGHT: Absolutely not, man. Could you - could I ask you to talk more directly into the left sleeve of my authentic First Nation's Green Day American Idiot tour t-shirt? I find I...I hear better that way...
MORRIS: (sighs)
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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