Thank you, Reem Wasah, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we couldn't stop giggling at your name. We're sorry, but we're juvenile that way. So, put that way, we don't actually appear to be sorry at all. We would say that we're sorry about being facile about being sorry, but that would just lead to a recursion that would make our search algorithms very sad and ultimately fry our hard drives. Since everything we know about computer programming we learned from Star Trek, we decided not to go there. Instead, let us just say that we were going to respond: "Wassuh!" but that meme has sailed, don't you think?
Enjoy,The Chairman Of The Board Always Gets The Last Word
"Politics is killing satire." (Socrates)
"Satire is killing politics." (Sartre)
"Doo be doo be doo." (Sinatra)
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=733&dir=bb]
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One Hand Doesn't Know What The Other Hand Is Whitewashing
After touring the Bombardier plant where transit vehicles are manufactured...NDP leader [Andrea Horvath] said her Buy Ontario policy would be the rule, not the exception. [Canadian] International Trade Minister Ed Fast said he was "very disappointed" when he learned of the Buy American clause.
"We will be able to put Ontario workers back to work," she told reporters. "The rule has to be Buy Ontario." If enacted, "it's going to stall growth, it's going to kill jobs, it's going to negatively impact our long-term economic prosperity," Mr. Fast predicted.
The Ontario Chamber of Commerce has also endorsed a beefed-up Buy Ontario Policy. "This is exactly what we don't need right now," said Jayson Myers, president and CEO of Canadian Manufacturers and Exporters.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Still, Smart Investors Know Where Their Towel Is
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1402542738]
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Then, He Added: "Pandering? I'm Not Pandering! That's Something That [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Rob Ford Would Do!"
First, Councillor Jaye Robinson said that she wouldn't support Mayor Rob Ford's waterfront plan. Then, it was revealed that the marketing and polling firm of Nick Kouvalis, Ford's first chief of staff as mayor, has been hired by firefighters to fight cuts to their budget. But, perhaps the most surprising defection has yet to come.
Ford himself.
"Who is this Rob Ford jerk?" Rob Ford asked reporters. "I mean, he promises to stop the gravy train and have greater transparency at City Hall, then he goes and gives his friends backroom deals with no public input! What an [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. I tell you, if Rob Ford was running for Mayor today, I, Mayor Rob Ford, wouldn't vote for him!"
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
1088591631813&call_pageid=968335270492&col=968646972154]
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Funny You Shouldn't Say That
SATIRE: The following article is satire. It is intended to provoke thought by provoking laughter. It is not meant to be taken literally. Please, therefore, do not take it literally, because, as satire, the following article is metaphorical in nature. That's how satire works. And, the following article is satire. We're sorry if we're repeating ourselves on this point, but some people do not "get" satire, and are prone to take it at face value, which, let's be honest, can often be quite harsh, even offensive; that's how it provokes thought after it provokes laughter. Then, we get angry letters from people who thought we were spreading lies about their favourite celebrity or work of art or sexual position. Satire is a form of fiction; while it reflects reality, it isn't a direct representation of reality. And, as we have been saying, the following article is satire.
Not to worry. As long as we keep repeating this disclaimer, sooner or later you'll figure it out.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20110902.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/opinionWereFunnyThatWay2011/]
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And, Speaking Of Satire Sure To Offend People...
Canada supports a two-state solution to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. But, there's a catch.
A catch?
A catch. Canada will only support a Palestinian state after a negotiated settlement between the Palestinians and Israelis.
But, the Israelis have no incentive to negotiate with the Palestinians. If we get recognition of statehood from the United Nations, this will put pressure on the Israelis to come to the table.
I told you there was a catch.
So, in order to get statehood, we must negotiate, but we cannot negotiate until we have statehood?
That sounds about right.
Hoo boy! That's some catch!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Can We Phone In The Outrage This Time?
Scarlett Johansson has confirmed that naked photos of her were taken off her cellphone. The pictures reveal conclusively that Johansson has breasts and a bum; anybody who is surprised by this really needs to attend a grade three refresher course on human anatomy.
One has to wonder, though: did the Murdoch phone hacking scandal not happen? Who in their right mind, seeing how easy it is to hack a cellphone, would keep nude photos of themselves on one? Even in Hollywood...
Johansson's lawyers have gotten Web sites that contained the photos to remove them, but the damage has already been done: untold numbers of teenage boys now have them on their hard drives.
SOURCE: Peephole
[http://peephole.aol.com/peephole/articles/0,18836,1462849,07.html]
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It Takes A Lot Of Oil To Keep That Slick!
British Prime Minister David Cameron and French President Nicolas Sarkozy were given a hero's welcome in Tripoli; they are the first western leaders to visit since the city fell to anti-Khadaffi rebels. The cheering slowed as they said, in harmony, "Where's the oil?"
The President's office released a statement saying that Sarkozy was asking about oil for his salad - everybody knows that it isn't a proper dressing unless it contains oil. The Prime Minister's office released a statement that Cameron was asking about oil for his hair.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFPACFYIMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s149/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s157/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3hammysq2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21493]
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Doctor Hudak Can Only Wish He Had A Time Machine
INT. PRESS ROOM - DAY
HUDAK: If elected, I will cut $3.2 billion out of Ontario's budget. However, I have no intention of cutting Welfare rates.
REPORTER: Like Mike Harris had no intention of cutting Welfare rates?
HUDAK: Ha. Nice try. No, not like that. If elected, I guarantee that I will not be cutting Welfare rates.
REPORTER: Like Rob Ford guaranteed he wouldn't cut services?
HUDAK: This is going to be along election, isn't it?
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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