Thank you, Ben Gawzy, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, is there a more redundant phrase in the English language than: "It goes without saying?" We mean, if it really goes without saying, why do people say it anyway? Do they not listen to themselves speak? Do they not think about what they're actually saying? Were they raised by sea monkeys? It goes without saying that people who use the phrase "It goes without saying" are -
Nice try.
Enjoy,Caught In The Anders Fogh Rasmussen Of War
Libyan rebels, having taken over most of the country, are now using their power to hunt down and kill supporters of former dictator Moammar Gadhafi. This has put NATO in the position of having to use air power against the rebels to keep them from committing war crimes against their powerless enemies.
"Whoa," said NATO Secretary-General Anders Fogh Rasmussen. "This whole 'responsibility to protect' thing is more complicated than I thought."
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQ107MFSM6WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/p119/Os/14/DJ141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/
s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=27593]
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The Stache Has Soaked Up Foam From Its Last Glass Of Milk
New Democratic Party leader Jack Layton has died of cancer at the age of 61. Let the insincere praise from people who opposed everything he stood for begin.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Oh, And, While You're At It, Might As Well Start Undermining His Legacy Before It Has Even Been Written
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1385835218]
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Those Who Forget Their Clio Are Doomed To Repeat Her
Police have made seven arrests in a child pornography ring based in London, England that spanned three continents. They seized over a dozen computers that contained hundreds of photographs of children aged seven to 12 in skimpy clothing and sexualized poses. The police are still investigating the channels through which the images were distributed, and suggested that additional arrests would be forthcoming.
"My clients are completely innocent," said Justine LeVanMcMacDerr, lawyer for the arrested men and women, all of whom were employees of the MercedesCambridgeMcMoonbat Advertising Agency. "Besides, the Mimi's Lingerie 'Let Girls Be Sluts' campaign was a huge success! It won three Clio Awards!"
SOURCE: Peephole
[http://peephole.aol.com/peephole/articles/0,19736,1196349,80.html]
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Don't Be So Quick To Reach A Conclusion - It Really Depends...
It was an earthquake that shook my chair? Oh, phew! I thought I was losing control of my sphincter muscles!
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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How Is It Possible You Even Have Left-wing Friends?
How to piss off your left-wing friends:
"Stephen Harper is the best friend Israel ever had."
Oh, please! On what do you base that absurd statement?
"Stephen Harper is the best friend Israel ever had."
Repeating a statement doesn't make it so. What proof do you have?
"Stephen Harper is the best friend Israel ever had."
Why? Because he kisses the ass of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu? You know, supporting a particular Israeli government doesn't mean you're being a good friend of Israel.
"Stephen Harper is the best friend Israel ever had."
Look. The Israeli government's actions are prolonging tensions in the area, and Canada isn't helping. If you saw your best friend driving towards a cliff, would you praise him for staying on the road?
"All Liberals are anti-Semites."
WHAT? Even the Jewish ones? Even the ones who always support Israel? That's the most ridiculous -
"Stephen Harper is the best friend Israel ever had."
Aaargh!
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec0ecda-b5e4-3c18-bf9b-07b963cc48ec]
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In Order To Keep It Off The Market To Maintain Artificially High Prices?
The mysterious backer of a human expedition to explore pulsar J1719-1438, even though it is 4,000 light-years from Earth, has been revealed. It is the De Beers diamond company.
"Imagine it! A diamond the size of a planet!" enthused Bucky Unnamed, De Beers President. "When I first heard that, I thought: me want! ME WANT!"
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc004&articleID=1624AH3EC-2B145-20K5-AA1582614B385111]
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So, You're Saying That Marriage Is...Two Hydrogen Atoms And One Oxygen Atom?
No Bag of Crazy would be complete without Republican former Senator and current Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum. "It's like saying this glass of water is a glass of beer," he said. It's like saying this table is a 15th century scimitar. It's like saying this pen is the javelin Tatyana Biryulina used to win 1980's best throw in the world. It's like saying deconstruction didn't show us the ultimately arbitrary nature of words. But, it is especially like saying that a social construction such as marriage can be compared to a physical object.
Those kinds of apples and hand grenades comparisons only make sense in the Bag of Crazy.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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You Don't Have To Be A Genetic Engineer To Figure Out The DNA Of This Turkey!
Jurassic ChickenBy altering the DNA of chicken embryos in the early stage of their development, a team of scientists 'undo' evolutionary progress and give the creatures snouts which are thought to have been lost in the cretaceous period millions of years ago. But, will these dinosaur-like creatures be content to be the main attraction of a theme park?
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0126354/]
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You Gotta Love Art With A Message
Marsha Dubuque-Litany has paid $1,000 to name a urinal in the Cedar Rapids Legion Arts building after her late husband, Philbert. This seemed an odd thing to do considering that they had only recently finalized their divorce after an acrimonious split almost 10 years ago.
"I'm a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] patron of the arts, ain't I?" Dubuque-Litany rasped through the cigarette smoke-filled haze that seemed to engulf her head wherever she went.
Still, it seemed like an unusual thing to do for somebody who had threatened to kill her husband on at least 47 occasions. "Forty-seven?" Dubuque-Litany asked. "Really?" Court documents don't lie, Marsha.
"Okay, okay," Dubuque-Litany allowed. "I bought the naming rights to the urinal because I like the idea of men pissing all over my late husband. What can I say? Art is in the eye of the beholder, ain't it!"
SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer
[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2011Aug27.html]
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