The year 2084 is past. Why do people read Twenty Eighty-four? Is it doubleplusgood? Unyes. Plusunyes.
Writer Eric Arthur Blair has thinked a strange, uneasy world.
In Twenty Eighty-four there are plus 200 countries. Each country has a Big Brother. But unyes. Unone has a true Big Brother. Each Big Brother is different. It is uncalled Big Brother. It unworks like Big Brother. I unsee it.
How can man undie with no Big Brother? Who gives food and home? Who keeps people safe? Who tells people who to hate?
In Twenty Eighty-four, Mona works at Unseparate Nations. The UN is where Big Brothers meet to talk unwar. Yes! Unall Big Brothers are at war! What unsane person could think such a thing?
Mona translates. Different countries speak different languages. Yes! Everybody unspeaks Newspeak! I unsee it. Newspeak is perfect. Why need other languages? It is almost a thinkcrime.
Phillip photos. Phillip goes places ungood things happen and photos the things. But not to show in the Two Minutes Hate. To show on smarts. All people have a smart. A smart is like a TV, but different. A smart is unon all the time. People talk to each other on a smart. People put photos on a smart. Why have a smart when there is TV? I unknow.
Laura hatters.
Mona doubleplusunhates Phillip. Phillip unhates Mona. But Phillip doubleplusunhates Laura. It is unsimple. I unsee it.
Pairs are simple: a man and a woman have a pair to have babies. Big Brother chooses who is in pairs. When you have a baby, the pair is over. Wanting your own pair is sure thinkcrime. Choosing your own pair is actcrime.
Mona smarts Phillip. Phillip ignores smarts of Mona. Phillip smarts Laura. Laura unhates Phillip. But Laura doubleplusunhates Gemaine. But Gemaine died years before Twenty Eighty-four starts. Laura is unready for a new pair.
This is how Twenty Eighty-four is written: "Laura okays meeting with Phillip at Ferkin & Ferret, a foodstore downtown. Phillip is nervous. Phillip arrives plusearly. Laura is unearly. Phillip is plusokay to see her. Laura orders maple mush and red wine. Phillip orders mushroom mush and water. Phillip undrinks wine. Wine makes Phillip unsmart. Phillip unloves being unsmart. Phillip unwants to be unsmart with Laura.
"'You look doubleplusunugly,' Phillip says.
"'Thank you,' Laura says, unloud. Phillip knows she is thinking, but he unknows what. Drinks are served. Phillip unknows what to say. Phillip plays with knife and fork on table, unsure.
"'I...I unhate your hats,' Phillip says.
"Laura puts down her drink. Laura looks at Phillip. 'You looked at my hats?' she asks.
"'I looked at your hats on the smart,' Phillip says. 'They were doubleplusunugly.'
"Laura blushes. Phillip thinks he said the right thing. But Phillip is unsure."
Think that is doubleplusungood? It gets doubleplusungooder.
"'I hate you,' says Phillip.
"'I uncare!' Mona says. 'I doubleplusunhate you. I doubleplusunhate you with all my heart! I uncare as long as we are a pair!'
"Phillip looks at Mona. The eyes of Phillip are cold. 'Are you going to Ukberkustan in the morning? To photo?' Mona asks.
"'Yes,' Phillip says. 'I go for 10 days.'
"'Ten days!" Mona says. "A lot happens in 10 days.'"
I uncare what happens in 10 days! I hate these people! I yawn! They bore! This is an unmirror held up to reality! This is a doubleplusunmirror held up to reality!
SPOIL ALERT: everybody is unhappy when Twenty Eighty-four ends. Mona loses work, has a pair with Jack. Jack steals her BBeuros and hits her. Phillip dies in the war. Some war. I unsee which. Laura undies alone with manyplus cats.
I could uncare less. You will uncare, too.
Twenty Eighty-four is like Unhappy Old World by Huxley. I plushated Unhappy Old World, too. I unknow why people unhate Twenty Eighty-four and Unhappy Old World.
The first book by Blair was for childs. It was called Animals on Farm. At first, animals in Animals on Farm are funny. But Animals on Farm becomes unlight. Animals die. Animals sell other animals. It was plusunlight, maybe doubleplusunlight. I doubleplushated it.
I only plushated Twenty Eighty-four. Maybe next time, Blair will write a book I unhate. Maybe.
Amanda Q. Pratt is a reviewer for the Big Brother Times and Picayune. Her first collection of reviews, Books I Unhate, is due out from Big Brother Press in the fall.