A completely subjective, possibly deranged report on the science fiction and fantasy convention Polaris, 25:
I Considered An Imaginary Feud With Karl Schroeder, But It Just Wouldn't Be The Same
My imaginary feud with Robert J. Sawyer ended a couple of weeks before the con when, through no fault of my own, I actually met him, and he turned out to be a very decent guy. So, Polaris didn't have that frisson of phony anger to which I had become accustomed.
Of Course, If I Had To Get Naked, It Would Be Upgraded To Mortification
Definition of mixed feelings: having your first video interview with an Internet news programme be with an anchor for the Naked News. Don't get me wrong: at this point in my career, I'm happy for any publicity I can get; I just wish it was with a news outlet that I could tell my parents about without having to calculate the potential embarrassment first.
You Winsome, You Lose Some
If anybody could make my writing sexy, you would think it would be a Naked News anchor. Despite her most fetching efforts, Kat Curtis was not able to succeed. But, my heart goes out to her for trying.
The Sad Part Is: I Know Exactly What You Mean
My favourite quote by somebody who came up to my table: "I bought your book last year. I liked it. It was very...umm...it had a lot of...umm, you know...well, I liked it."
Who Needs Alcohol When You're Shooting Photos In Low Light Conditions?
The obligatory dark and out of focus Masquerade costume photo.
Lots Of Green Lanterns, But No Flash
The obligatory dark and out of focus child's Masquerade costume photo.
Some Memos You Just Don't Want To Get
The loudest and longest applause at the Masquerade was for the announcement that one of the performers was a soldier who had just come back from a seven month tour of duty in Afghanistan. When did Canada become Sparta?
Oh, Science! Is There Nothing You Cannot Explain?
The half-life of the panel audience, an experiment.
9pm, British Comedy: audience appears whole and stable.
10 pm, Politics in Science Fiction: audience has begun to throw off members, reducing it in size. (NOTE: it is now a proven scientific fact: fezzes are cool.)
12pm, Science Fiction and Humour: decay has quickly advanced.
CONCLUSION: This is just one decay sequence at a single science fiction convention, so any conclusions drawn from it have to be considered tentative pending more evidence. Having said that, our researchers have some confidence in the following conclusion: MIDNIGHT PANELS? ARE YOU INSANE? ANYBODY WHO ISN'T AT A ROOM PARTY IS PROBABLY COMING FROM A ROOM PARTY, AND WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT THEY WILL BE ABLE TO COHERENTLY DISCUSS ANYTHING OTHER THAN HOW AWESOME THE ROOM PARTY WAS?
Expect our article on this phenomenon to appear in the next issue of The Journal of Science Fiction Convention Physics and Awesome Room Parties.
Not What I Would Call A Plain Jayne
Okay, this requires a bit of explanation. One of the big guests at the con was Adam Baldwin, who used to play a character named Jayne on the TV series Firefly. A regular part of Jayne's costume was an orange and yellow knitted hat. To help...uhh...let's say make the actor feel at home in Toronto, there was a workshop on how to knit Jayne hats just like the one in the series. Now, on the one hand, it was a bit distracting to have somebody sitting in the front row of one of my panels (this one being on how the works of Philip K. Dick have been adapted into films) giving serious attention to knitting...
On the other hand, I didn't feel like pissing off this guy. I really, really, really, really, really didn't want to piss off this guy (and, that's five reallys, so you know I'm really, really, really, really serious). So, knit away, Firefly fans, knit with all your heart.
Especially The Klingons...
Can you please tell these people that the con is no longer called Toronto Trek? I don't have the heart...
If They're Not Related By Blood, Perhaps They Can Be Related By Blood Spilled...
By the Masquerade on Saturday night, I was so tired that I hallucinated Adam Baldwin getting Alec Baldwin in a headlock while Billy Baldwin cried like a little girl.
Thaaaaat's An Image That's Gonna Haunt My Dreams...!
PIECE OF POLARIS PARTING WISDOM: No matter how bad things might seem, life flows on around you. Try not to freak it out too much...
