You Can't Always Get the Headlines You Want,
But Sometimes You Get the Headlines You Deserve

But, That Could Just Be A Lot Of Hot Air

"Ontario's green energy hub fears winds of change" - Globe and Mail

It's The Mountains That Need To Worry

"Smooth flying ahead for U.S. stocks" - National Post

Have You Ever Noticed How It's The "Adults" In The Room Who Screw Things Up The Worst?

"Has NDP grown up?" - Toronto Star editorial

 "It's no time for NDP to 'grow up'" - Toronto Star op-ed piece

For Example, The Poor Learn To Enjoy Eating Dirt

"History lesson: Good things follow commodities bubbles" - Globe and Mail

Otherwise, It Becomes Adult Obesity, Which Is Somebody Else's Problem

"Child obesity must be dealt with now" - Toronto Star

Joins "It's Only Been Six Months, How Bad Can It Be?" And "What's The Worst Thing That Could Possibly Happen?" As Things You Don't Want To Say

"'You can't get me' Gaddafi tells NATO" - National Post

The Inmates Doing His Laundry Might Use Too Much Starch, Making His Back All Itchy

"Prison 'dangerous' for Black's health" - National Post

I'm Guessing Crack Was Involved In The Writing Of This Article

"Why Harper's majority is good news for the left" - Toronto Star

Ever Since 24 Went Off The Air, He Could Be Hired For Cheap

"Why Bauer is a scoring prospect" - Globe and Mail

 Is Bored With Flouting Old Laws
Needs New Challenges

"Mining industry open to new laws" - Toronto Star

Screw Retirement! If You Don't Blow Your Money Now, We Will

"CPP is a gamble, not a guarantee" - National Post

There Is No God

"Why does my healthy diet make me so flatulent?" - Globe and Mail

You Haven't Heard Of The Latest Diet Craze? No (Weight) Loss!

"Weight-loss industry offers 'quick fixes' at steep prices" - Toronto Star

 "Can't lose weight? These diet blunders may be to blame" - Globe and Mail

 "Do potatoes hold a key to weight loss?" - Toronto Star

 "Can a glass of water before dinner aid weight loss?" - Toronto Star

 "Svelte Pippa fuels Dukan diet craze
But as one of the 'five worst' weight-loss regimes of 2011, it prohibits too many food groups, health experts warn" - Globe and Mail

 "Jenny Craig: heavyweight champ of diet programs" - Globe and Mail

Maybe They Should Convince The Economy To Eat More Potatoes

"Conservatives vow to cut budget 'fat' - Toronto Star

From Conservative Budget Fat Trimming

"Where do chefs get all those 'wild' ingredients?" - THE GRID

Because We Can Afford To Rebuild Cities When Hockey Riots Destroy The Downtown Core?

"Why strength in commodities bodes well for NHL in Canada" - Globe and Mail

It's Hard To Move Around When Your Apartment Has No Floors

"Why you should never buy a pre-construction condo" - THE GRID

They're Quick

"The shifting sands of the Libyan mission" - Globe and Mail

You Mean: Straight?

"BEYOND GAY" - THE GRID

To Start: Have The Legs Of A Fashion Model

"How to pull off: workplace shorts" - Globe and Mail

It May Also Cause You To Hold On To A Stock Long After It Has Lost All Its Value

"Positive thinking may help you avoid selling a great company amid the gloom
Look on the bright side" - National Post

It Will Enhance Your Vocabulary For A Start

"'Transcoremation' will make you a pillar of strength" - Globe and Mail

 Billionaires Have Skill
Schmucks Like You Have Luck

"Separating skill from luck isn't easy" - National Post

Doug Henning Lives!

"The vanishing sovereignty of Greece" - Globe and Mail

Even If Greed Is Forever

"Not all government programs 'designed to go on forever'" - Toronto Star

But, It's Going Up, So That's Good, Right?

"IMF forecast warns of 'elevated downside risks'" - Globe and Mail

Imagine What Would Be Happening If Things Were Going Poorly

"Karzai says U.S., Taliban in peace talks
Discussions 'going well,' as suicide attackers spark Kabul gun battle" - Toronto Star

It Ranks Right Up There With Fezzes

"Why are so many young Quebecers still sovereigntists? Simple: It's cooler" - Globe and Mail

Because It's Every Boy's Dream To Never Grow Up And Play Soldier

"The Harper Doctrine, in black and white
Canada now has the political will and military might to back up a more muscular foreign policy" - Globe and Mail

Finally! An Explanation Of Your Newspaper's Editorial Policy!

"JUST A BUNCH OF STUFF CHOPPED UP" - National Post

You Gotta Love It When Headlines Explain Each Other!

"Why one of Canada's top investors is playing it safe" - Globe and Mail

 "Canadians score lower on risk tolerance" - Globe and Mail

Only Now, Instead Of From Qadaffi, It's From Our Bombs

"Protecting civilians still the mission" - Toronto Star

Their Ability To Parse A Sentence Has Been Spent...On Gumdrops And Cotton Candy!

"Going against the herd
Advertising guru John Hegarty has spent his career spent thumbing his nose at convention. They knighted him anyway" - Globe and Mail