Headlines Are The Devil's Bocce Balls

Which We Will Ignore

"Valuable energy lessons" - National Post

Out Of Both Of Their Mouths And, Oddly, Their Left Ears

"A Reactor Russians Say Is Safe" - New York Times

Attacking Them All These Years Has Paid Off!
(And, David Frum Thought It Wouldn't Work!)

"Coalitions: A way of the world Canadians don't embrace" - Globe and Mail

They're Hoping That The Bank Will Soon Offer A Take Out Menu

"Termites eat currency worth $22,000 in vault" - Toronto Star

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE QUESTION!

"CHERNOBYL MAY BE THE ANSWER" - National Post

CEOs Preparing For Quick Getaway

"Rebound in orders for business jets gives boost to Bombardier" - Globe and Mail

You Start Off Arguing Across The Table About Who Should Pay For The Chocolate Mouse You Shared - Before You Know It, You're Exchanging Mortar Fire Across Your Bedroom

"EVERY BIG WAR STARTS SMALL" - National Post

That's Why The US Is Happy With Continuing Military Rule
With Maybe A Little Less Repression
And A Touch More Journalistic Freedom
Thanks For Playing Name That Revolution
Feel Free To Try Again In 20 -
You Know What? Make It 50 Years

"Democracy Is Messy" - New York Times

For One Thing, Outsourcing Seems To Have Accomplished Its Goal...

"An unadjusted - and positive - view of U.S. employment" - National Post

Do We Have To Talk About Stephen Harper's Bits?

"Harper is indeed a conservative (by a bit)" - Globe and Mail

Satan Taking Notes

"Coal becomes 'less evil'" - National Post

Would Consider Offer From United States Or Japan, But Burkina Faso?

"Australia rejects takeover offer" - Toronto Star

They're So Needy And They Start To Cry At The Worst Times
(And, Yes, We Know You Meant Corporate Partners)

"The Problem With Partners" - New York Times

Admit It! You've Always Wanted Gills

"Turn down the dial on radiation fears" - National Post

"The Ponze" Is Everywhere (Aaaaaayyyy)

"Venezuela caught up in a U.S. Ponzi scheme" - Globe and Mail

"Pastor accused of Ponzi scheme" - Globe and Mail

They Need A Good Laugh

"Bet on the rich" - National Post

The Death Of The Body Hasn't Reached The Brain Yet

"Globe readership climbs" - Globe and Mail

"Star remains on top in readership survey" - Toronto Star

Nimble Applying, In This Case, Primarily To Their Fingers

"Unrest means options for nimble traders" - National Post

Just Ask Our Nimble Traders...

"If you can't live with volatility and fear, you have options" - National Post

The Motor Company, The Mayor Or The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Character?

"Thousands protest Ford plans" - Toronto Star

Newspaper Gets Tenses Mixed Up Again

"Schwarzenegger to be cartoon character" - Globe and Mail

100% Of Pollsters Approve Of Polling 10 Times Out Of 10 With 0 Margin Of Error

"Pollsters say concerns about accuracy are overblown" - National Post

More About The Politician's Personal Life Than I Ever Wanted To Know!

"Quebec's shifting winds may leave Duceppe flagging" - Toronto Star

Economic Analyses That Pander To Business High On List

"G20 confronts threat to global economic recovery" - Globe and Mail

AGGRESSIVE FEMALE COMICS SCARE MALE AUDIENCES
Remember Roseanne Barr?

"WHY ARE THE JOKES ALWAYS ON HER?
The world laughs with Tina Fey, but she insists on laughing at herself" - National Post

British Fourteenth Royal Flasher Regiment Not As Effective As Hoped

"NATO's mission creep in Libya" - Toronto Star

They Should Have Bet On The Rich While They Had The Chance

"Fury of poor would erupt without unions" - National Post

Modern Art Gets Down And Dirty...I Think

"HOW SHE TROMPES YOUR OEIL" - National Post

The Right Page Doesn't Know What The Left Page Is Doing

"Gas may hit $1.40 a litre as demand drives up" - Globe and Mail

"Oil prices slump despite Saudi production cut
Move taken as another sign of weakening global demand" - opposite page of Globe and Mail

By Destroying It?
How Positively Nixonian Of You!

"Saving the American welfare state" - National Post

Libyan Rebels Respond: "Thanks. Who Are You, Again?"

"McCain backs rebels in Libya" - Toronto Star

It Will Become A Morass In Due Time
Quagmire Expected To Eventually Follow

"'Stalemate' on ground in Libya, Obama says" - National Post

To Find The Good News In A Bad Economy, Sometimes You Have To Read Between The Lines

"Alstom to cut jobs in three countries" - Globe and Mail

"CN Rail chief's 2010 pay spikes 45 per cent" - Toronto Star

"Lobopharm cuts nearly 30% of staff" - Globe and Mail

"VW Chief's pay surged 41% in 2010" - Globe and Mail

"Finnair to slash 450 among tech staff" - Globe and Mail

"CEO of CIBC gets 50% raise in annual compensation" - Globe and Mail

"AOL cutting 900 jobs in India, U.S. - Globe and Mail

"Manulife's CEO paid $9.29-million in 2010" - Globe and Mail

"U.K.'s Royal Mail to cut up to 3,451 jobs" - Globe and Mail