"Thank you for inviting me to speak to your meeting of the Farnsworth-Swoggleton City Council. Governor Snideman appreciates the fact that you were willing to see me on such short notice. The Governor wanted me to relay this heartfelt message: Mister Mayor, Mister Speaker, esteemed Councillors, you're fired."
"What?" That's outrageous! "You shouldn't -" "You wouldn't -" "You can't -" "You mustn't -" "Zzzzzzz - umph - urgh - what's all the commotion about, eh?"
"Outrageous, you say? I couldn't agree more. It's a total power grab - I mean, really! Where in any Constitution does it say that a Governor has the power to take over a city and fire all of its elected officials? Nowhere that I know of! Still. There it is. Until it's overturned by the Supreme Court - either at the state or federal level - it is the law. The Governor has appointed me to throw you all out of your jobs and run the city in your place. My name is Martin. Now, now - no need to say it. It's more than outrageous - it's practically dictatorial! Speaking of which - can you all pack up your things and leave your offices by three o'clock this afternoon?"
"You can't be serious!" "That's outrageous!" "Somebody already said 'outrageous.'" "That's beyond outrageous!" "That's better." "This can't be happening!" "I wasn't asleep. I...I have a rare medical condition..."
"You're right. We'll be changing the locks immediately. If you let us know where you would like us to send your personal belongings, we'll do so...eventually..."
"You're firing us? For what cause?" "That's right, you need to show just cause." "Can't fire anybody without just cause." "Least of all duly elected public officials." "We're being fired? Of all the times to fall a - uuuuuunder the spell of my medical condition!"
"Firing you all without just cause? That would be terrible - it could open the state up to all manner of civil litigation. And, yes, okay, maybe it wouldn't be right, either. You know...a little. Somewhat. If you look at it in a certain light. But, the Governor has just cause to fire you all. You see...umm...there is...err...there! Look at the ashes on the carpet. This place is a pigsty. Clearly, if you cannot be trusted to keep City Hall clean, you can't be trusted to run the joint."
"You just knocked over an ashtray!" "Yeah! You were the one!" "It was you!" "We weren't responsible for that!" "Why are we being fired? You gotta have just cause to - what? We've already gone over that? Sorry. I was...taking my medicine..."
"Agreed. I did knock over the ashtray. Very clever of you to notice. Still, you should have stopped me. Ah ah ah - and, even if you couldn't have known I was about to do it - you aren't mind readers, after all - it really doesn't matter. Have you read the law the Governor signed? It's looser than a Chicago debutante on a Saturday night! Honestly, the fact that you're all breathing would be grounds for your dismissal. All except for you, of course, Councillor."
"I already told you, it's a medical condition!"
"Okay, just between us, you've been an exemplary city government. You balanced your last five budgets in the midst of a financial meltdown. And, you did that by holding the line on tax rates, cutting social services to the bone. The Governor loves that! The problem is those pesky civil service union contracts - there is no way for you to get out of them. Damn those fat cats!"
"Fat cats? You mean, like, teachers?" "Are you talking about firefighters?" "I...I never thought of librarians as fat cats..." "Fat cats, eh? I'm sure there's a joke about cops at donut shops in there somewhere..."
"Fine people, to be sure. Hard workers. Good, family people. But, this just illustrates the problem with local government. You're too close to local conditions. You don't see the bigger picture. If the Governor declares an emergency in Farnsworth-Swoggleton, he can abrogate all union contracts. This will effectively destroy public sector unions in the city - destroying a substantial segment of the Democratic base and ensuring Republican governments long into the future. Fear not, brave councillors of Farnsworth-Swoggleton! Your sacrifice will long be remembered in the annals of the secret battle for right-wing hegemony!"
"So...we're heroes? For getting fired?" "Should we take a vote to dissolve City Council?" "Don't have to - that decision has already been made for us." "How is the severance package?" "Will this affect my pension?" " I wo - came out of an attack of my medical condition...for this? I may as well have stayed asleep!"
"Humph. Democracy in action is a wondrous thing to behold!"