"Aldo Schmucklinberg."
"Sir?"
"I have made more money in the two and a half days of the new year than Aldo Schmucklinberg of Sparrow's Backside, Newfoundland will make in a year."
"Oh, I see."
"And, that's before taxes, too! None of your namby-pamby after tax income for me! No, sir! That's not the way it's done in a real man's corporate head office!"
"Only, I thought you had forgotten my name again and were going through all the names you could think of hoping that one of them would be correct."
"I do that?"
"You do."
"Well, I'm a busy man, CEO of Omnivore Industries. I can't recall the personal details of every man, woman and antelope who works for our company!"
"I have been your Personal Amanuensis for over 16 years, sir."
"I have...one of those?"
"Indeed, you do."
"And, what does a...what do you do?"
"I remind you when it's time to get back to work, sir."
"Ah. Interesting job. I wonder how much -"
"It's time to get back to work, sir."
"In a minute, in a minute! At the moment, I'm having too much fun!"
"Perhaps, but I really think -"
"Geraldine Concatenation! My income to today just surpassed Geraldine Concatenation's annual income! It says here that she's a single mother of three who works as a waitress in Egret's Regrets, Nova Scotia! I'm surprised a single mother made it this far into the year! What do you think the odds are that she's dealing drugs on the side?"
"I wouldn't know, sir."
"I'll bet she doesn't catch up to Antoine Foo-Barre for another minute and 27 seconds! That bastard may be the CEO of MultiNatCorp, but that doesn't mean he can keep up with me! What do you say to a friendly little wager?"
"I'm afraid I'm not a betting man, sir."
"What have you got to lose? One thousand? Ten thousand? Dollars? Euros? Yak intestines? Really, it's just money!"
"As you say, sir. And, yet, I cannot help but feel that you should get back to work. Perhaps you could delay this game until the weekend?"
"Pfah! By the weekend, my income will already be greater than the annual income of 92 per cent of the Canadian population. What would be the fun in that?"
"It is not for me to presume, sir. And, yet, I can't help but feel that the shareholders would appreciate it if you -"
"Oh, fine, fine!"
RING RING.
"Cedric?"
"Tony?"
"Yes. We're buying you out. I suggest you take the golden parachute we'll be offering you and bugger off to some island in the Bahamas. What do you say?"
"Great. I'm sick to death of this job. Oh, by the by, did you know that my income just surpassed the annual income of Geraldine Concatenation?"
"Of the Nova Scotia Concatenations?"
"That's the one!"
"My income surpassed her annual income a minute and 12 seconds ago!"
"Damn! I should have known better than to try and compete with you!"
"The papers from our lawyers will be on your desk first thing in the morning. Enjoy your retirement in the Bahamas."
"Right. Cheerio!"
CLICK.
"That deal will add half a billion dollars to our bottom line. Think that will please the shareholders?"
"Sir."
"Ooh! Look here! Montalban Portobello!"
"Sir?"
"My income has just surpassed the annual income of some poor sap from Toad the Wet Sprocket, Ontario named Montalban Portobello!"
"SIR! I am Montalban Portobello!"
"Oh! Ah. You are,? Well, perhaps it's another Montalban Portobello."
"Sir, with all due respect, I am the only Montalban Portobello from Toad the Wet Sprocket."
"Oh. Ah...do I get any credit for remembering your name?"
"I shall cherish the humiliation until the day I die."
"Oh, don't be like that! Making money - Gilligan Fenescue of English Porridge, Alberta - I totally own you! Ha! As I was saying, making money isn't as much fun as it used to be - the fun stops when you've got more than you can possibly spend. Life can be deucedly unfair that way! So, you have to find new ways of keeping track. And - Adrianne Philpotts of No Excuses, British Colombia! Double ha! Ha ha! You have to admit, the Rich Man's Salary app for my iPhone is a brilliant way of keeping track of how wealthy I am - just brilliant!"