would like to give Lohan the benefit of the doubt, but the orangutan was adamant...When Canada refused to give Emirates and Etihad Airways more flights into Toronto, the United Arab Emirates withdrew its permission for Canada to have a military base in their country. In retaliation, Canadian cabinet ministers will be banned from flying on Emirates and Etihad Airways flights. Gee, Prime Minister Harper sure knows how to play hardball...CONSUMER ALERT: The Rally to Restore Sanity was not sanctioned by any psychiatric association. Do not use Jon Stewart to self-medicate! If in doubt, consult a psychiatrist...or a television critic...Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad praised the (old) new coalition government in Iraq. We're doomed...November is Empathy Month. Punch a mime - those he has caused pain will be grateful for your understanding...In a speech at an international conference on combating anti-Semitism, Prime Minister Stephen Harper suggested that anti-Semitism was to blame for Canada not winning a seat on the United Nations Security Council. Oh, really? When did he convert?...Hockey Canada has authorized the creation of a Quebec team to play in an international tournament featuring teams from countries such as France, Italy and Switzerland. This should surprise no one. In Canada, hockey is politics by other means...Hug a Homophobe Day? You might want to rethink that: homophobes also often own guns...The United States recently passed a milestone: their war in Afghanistan has lasted longer than the Russian war in Afghanistan. To celebrate the milestone, the United States ignored it completely...Is there any irony in the fact that Rob Ford, who won the race to be Toronto's next Mayor on a platform of vehement deficit reduction, had the biggest campaign deficit of any of the candidates? "Absolutely not!" said Ford supporter Don Cherry, "And anybody who says different is a bicycle riding pinko kook!" We're so doomed...Some pundits have suggested that North Korea's unprovoked attack on South Korea was a way for the country, which felt spurned or isolated as it often does, to get attention. Jeez - hasn't Kim Jong-Il ever heard of Craigslist?...President Obama has apologized to Republicans, saying that he should have worked more with them. Oh, my god - he's Canadian! Don't let the birthers know about this...Florida has pardoned rock legend Jim Morrison for his conviction on indecency charges in 1969. I'm sure his grandchildren are grateful. Oh... Hamas Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh told a crowd of 200,000 supporters that the group will never recognize Israel. To the cheers of the crowd, he then added: "Not only that, but we will never, never, never recognize Tuesday. After Monday, Palestinians go straight to Wednesday!" ...With the defection of two Democrats, Texas Governor Rick Perry now has a Republican supermajority. Still, people wonder about his agenda: will he secede?...The country of Sri Lanka, with a population of only 20 million, has 10,000 accountants. In an unrelated story, the United Nations has declared Sri Lanka the most boring country on the planet. At least, we're pretty sure they're unrelated...Julian Fantino stuck with the script at his swearing in ceremony as the new MP for Vaughan. Then, he donned the cloak of invisibility that every Conservative backbencher is given; he is expected not to be seen or heard from until the next election...At the same event, when Public Safety Minister Vic Toews was asked for a full accounting of the costs of the G20 summit, he channelled his inner Holly Johnson and said, "Relax." If I had to chose a lyric that summed up the city's experience with the summit, I would have gone with "Don't Do It," but that's probably why he's in the Conservative cabinet and I'm not...With a decisive vote in the Senate, the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy on gays in the military has ended, proving that President Obama can repeal bad Democratic policies. Now, if only he could repeal bad Republican policies - maybe if he polled the military on tax cuts for the uberwealthy...Former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney has come out in favour of a deal with the US that would erode Canadian sovereignty and diminish Canadians' right to privacy without necessarily giving Canadian companies easier access to the American market. It's good to see that, in private life, Mulroney's keen ability to marshal facts, analyze data and come to the wrong conclusion has not changed. Yep, we're doomed. Doomed as doomed can be. Doomed, I tells ya. Doomed...