"Okay kid, whadya got?"
"Oh, it's a doozy, Chief! Dame what's running against Harry Reid for his Senate seat in Nevada."
"Un hunh."
"She's fruitier dan a fruit bat! Nuttier dan a box of scorpions! I tell ya, Chief, she's so crazy she doesn't know if her elevator is goin' across town or up her skirt!"
"What...does dat even mean?
"It means dat da usual metaphors for whackoness just don't apply in her case!"
"Dis dame have a name?"
"Angle. Sharron Angle. And, I gotta tell ya, she's quite a piece of work. A real pip."
"Arright, arright, stop with da sales pitch. What's so...pippy 'bout her?"
"Get dis! She wants ta abolish da Department of Education!"
"Dat da best ya got?"
"Chief?"
"Cause, I gotta tell ya, kid, every Republican secretly wants ta abolish da department of Education. Dey figure when da states run education, dey'll go all Texas on our asses; den, when history becomes a branch of fiction, da South can finally win da Civil War!"
"Yeah, but...but Sharron Angle says it out loud!"
"Mmmm...what else ya got?"
"Okay, okay. Dis broad wants ta abolish da tax code! Waddya t'ink o' dat?"
"Not bad. Kinda Paulish..."
"Widaa name like Angle? It don't sound Polish ta me."
"No, Paulish. You know: Rand Paulish?"
"Oh."
"Anything else?"
"Oh, Chief, dere's always more with this Angle babe. She says da country's runnin' outta bullets. Seriously. Why, you may ask? Because Americans are getting' ready, and I quote, 'ta fight for deir liberty in a Second Amendment kind a way.'"
"Hmm...country runnin' outta bullets, dat's new."
"I'm tellin' ya, Chief, this Angle twist is da Deepwater Horizon o' Republican candidates!"
"Still, if dat's the extent o' the damage..."
"Ya gotta have faith, Chief. Angle says we gots ta move away from Social Security."
"Move away?"
"Dem's da words she used, yeah. Move away."
"What does dat mean, move away from Social Security?"
"Got me. Sounds like a relationship thing..."
"Is dat, like, movin' ta Florida?"
"Naah, Dey got Social Security down there, last time I checked. It would hafta be more like movin' ta Paris 'r someplace. And, ya gotta know how Republicans feel about Paris!"
"Could she be sayin' dat she wants ta get rid of Social Security, mebbe?"
"Kinda indirect way o' doin' it."
"Still. Okay, kid, I see what yer getting' at. Ya start puttin' dis all together, and it paints a picture. Not a Michaelangelo, more like a Dali painted by my three year-old niece, but a picture nonedeless."
"Dat's not all, Chief! Dere was da time she supported storing nuclear waste in Yucca Mountain, a stone's spit from Vegas!"
"Dat's gotta be toxic!"
"Da waste, or Angle's support for da waste?"
"Both!"
"She also believes - get this! - dat alcohol should be illegal!"
"In Nevada? Casinos would go outta business if deir clientele were, strictly speakin', sober."
"Way da dame figures, drugs like marijuana're illegal, so alcohol, which is also a drug, should also be illegal."
"It's logically consistent, I'll give 'er dat. Still, didn't we try dat before, it seems ta me?"
"Yeah. I think it was called Prohibition."
"Right! Right. How'd dat work out?"
"Didn't last. Still, one good t'ing came out of it."
"What was dat?"
"Fer a while, a lot o' people talked like us."
"Okay. If dat's all..."
"Actually, Chief, dere is one more thing. Da piece da resistance."
"What's dat?"
"Sharron Angle opposes...fluoridation."
"What, of da water?"
"No, of oil spills - of course, of da water!"
"What...could da woman possibly have against fluoridation?"
"Population control. Far as I can tell, if da government can all legal-like put fluoride in water, da next step is ta put birth control hormones in, too. It's an old John Birch gag, but I guess for some people it never gets old!"
"I thought da whole 'sappin' of America's vital bodily fluids' was a man's t'ing."
"Times change, Chief. Crazy gotta change wid 'em."
"Good work, kid."
"So, we gonna run wid it?"
"Aah, actually, I was t'inking we would go for a...err...different angle?"
"Woddya mean?"
"I was t'inking we would paint Angle as da breath o' fresh air dat Washington badly needs to shake it up."
"WHAAAAAAT?"
"Yeah, I know. Only, we got advertisers, see? Major sponsors. And, dey support right wing nutjobs all down da line. So, we gotta support 'em, too - get me?"
"But...but...but what about all dose great angles on Angle?"
"Aaw, save 'em for yer memoirs, kid. Save 'em for yer memoirs!"