Headlines + Deadlines = Staying Out of Breadlines

You Buying Food? Not So Much...

"Corporate tax cuts necessary for economy" - Toronto Star

The Mortality Rate Is 23% Higher In Hospitals That Don't Require All That Paperwork

"Overhaul of pay-for-performance sets up battle over bonuses
Hospital CEOs earning hundreds of thousands of dollars say they are earning their pay by saving lives" - Globe and Mail

A Fully Automated Coffee Making Monarch Butterfly

"More than a fire department" - Telegram (Newfoundland)

Not So Much Sitting As Desperately Trying To Fly Away From But Being Unable To Do So Because It's Covered In Tarry Goop

"Oilsands a sitting duck for critics" - Toronto Star

Company Assured Government That It Will Sell The Commitments

"Ottawa approves distribution centre after 'commitments' from Amazon" - Globe and Mail

Because It's Rich In Vitamin B12Bomber, Now Containing More Piety

"Finding virtue in veal" - National Post

They Want Action On The Squirrel, Too

"Moose action committee seeks renewed mandate" - Telegram (Newfoundland)

On The Bright Side: The Tar Sands Are Off The Radar...

"Fears grow that Gulf oil spill could be among worst ever" - Toronto Star

Fat Takes More Heat To Cook (But It Tastes Sooooo Good!)

"Goldman's fat profit doesn't dispel heat" - Globe and Mail

Anti-bribery Police Calling

"Avon suspends 4 China executives" - Toronto Star

Software Tycoon Now 27 Feet Tall

"A house even Bill Gates wouldn't feel cramped in" - Globe and Mail

It Takes Time For The Message To Trickle Down (Sometimes Centuries)

"Tearful Pope meets with sex abuse victims
Pontiff promises 'effective measures' to safeguard children" - Telegram (Newfoundland)

"Archbishop of Toronto calls sex-abuse scandals in church 'exceptions'" - Telegram (Newfoundland)

57 Trouble Spots Where Our Soldiers Are Unwelcome - Collect 'Em All!

"Why trade Kandahar for Kinsasha? - Toronto Star

Being Hoodwinked By What You Know You Don't Know Is So Much More Satisfying

"Don't be hoodwinked by what you think you know" - Globe and Mail

Whereas, When Our Troops Attack Them, The Only Graves Dug Are Theirs

"Taliban digging own 'grave' by attacking civilians" - Telegram (Newfoundland)

And, If There Isn't One, He Will Happily Create It

"Flaherty warns of G20 division" - National Post

Globe Headline Writers Can Be Such Ash Holes

"With Europe under a cloud, now's the time for a pan-Asian feast" - Globe and Mail

Much Harder Than Waldo, But Better For Your Soul

"The quest: to spot the hidden Jesus" - Telegram (Newfoundland)

At 47, Don't You Think Johnny Is A Little Too Old For That Talk?

"Uh, oh, Johnny's surfing porn sites
You can try to control access. But better still, have a talk that makes him think about what he's seeing" - Globe and Mail

With A Mallet? A John Grisham Novel? WHAT?

"A greener way to get anesthetized" - Globe and Mail

Oh, That's Not Fair! You Know The Problem Has Abated Since I Started Wearing Adult Diapers!

"IT'S PRIME SEASON FOR EATS, SHOOTS AND WILD LEEKS" - National Post

You Cannot Renege On Funding Commitments If You Never Make Them

"Hudak vows secure funding for city if he becomes Ontario premier" - Globe and Mail

To Not Regulate The Bastards To Within An Inch Of Their Lives? I Should Have Paid More Attention In Economics 101!

"The lesson of the Goldman scandal: buyer beware" - Globe and Mail

Too Bad They Weren't More Specific About Where It Was Returning To

"the RETURN of oil" - National Post

"Oil slick hits mouth of Mississippi" - Toronto Star

Funny, Because Fertilizer Dominates Markets In America

"Chinese farmers, smokers make Migao a buy
Fertilizer maker part of a growing industry in China" - National Post

Crushing Main Street Is Wall Street's Job (And, Business Has Been Good So Far)

"Fixing Wall Street without crushing Main Street" - Globe and Mail

That's Not The Only Thing Being Blackened

"Oil spill may blacken BP's reputation" - Toronto Star

Oh, I'll Bet THOSE Negotiations Are Going To Go Smoothly!

"Catholic groups to work with Education Ministry on sex-ed" - Globe and Mail

"Catholic school denies firing lesbian teacher
Vancouver teacher still on payroll, but not allowed in classroom" - Globe and Mail

Because Drawing The Blinds And Pretending To Be Closed When The Poor Walk By Wasn't Working Well Enough?

"Canada's banks need model for dealing with poor" - Toronto Star

The Latest Theory: Staring At Spilled Oil Will Make It Go Away

"Arctic drilling faces tougher scrutiny" - Globe and Mail

Damn! I Knew I Left Montreal Too Soon!

"Nude waitresses are unique to Quebec" - Toronto Star