Les Pages Aux Folles: What the Heck Do You Know? About Alien Life
What the Heck Do You Know? About Alien Life
Have you been keeping up with our reports from alternate realities? The staff of the Alternate Reality News Service has put together the following quiz to test your knowledge of alien life forms that have recently made the headlines.
1) Instumbrek vi la yclempt George W. Bush versnicket oxytocin. Versnacket innim annus illustrationacum George W. Bush inducticum Al Gore ol. Cicoletti sa di nadium prelectunu Bush antrobis Gore antrobis Barack Obama dreisenu bumfuzzlin macheno?
a) Barack Obama ni bumfuzzlor echt. Al Gore antrobis denatttttt plundum. George W. Bush...fid...fid...regnoggbin!
b) regnoggbin mi grunderplexis! George W. Bush ish plat gegunnim bairuntnew! Gegunnim bairuntnew!
c) 2012
2) Why did President Maddow urge Americans to support a war on the Frenglippe Empire?
a) despite having three hearts, the Frenglippe only have a third of the compassion of human beings, which makes them ruthless businesspeople
b) a Frenglippe ambassador insulted the president's mother, and things quickly turned ugly
c) the Frenglippe war armada circling the globe strongly suggested to the president that their intentions were not friendly
3) Klaatu berada nictu?
a) I'm sorry - Klaatu's been a naughty boy and he can't come out and play
b) berada...berada...bera - wasn't that a cop show in the 70s?
c) the Apocalypse is not in right now. At the sound of the tone, please leave your name, phone number and a brief mess - oh, wait. Is that someone knocking on your front door?
4) What finally ended the Gramarzcy Uprising on N'e'bu'lo'n IV?
a) patching Howard Jones' "What Is Love?" into the headphones of the Gramarzcy Grazsnozty D-57 Fighter craft as they were about to attack the Starfleet ship Space Guppy
b) projecting a giant hologram of Howard Jones singing "What Is Love?" over the major Gramarzcy cities of Glornitz, Flornitz and Pagagagagarog
c) after 17 revolutions, the Gramarzcy realized that they were actually in charge of N'e'bu'lo'n IV and, therefore, really didn't have anything to rebel against
5) Considering how vulnerable they are in battle, why do so many alien races have eyestalks?
a) Darwinian evolution was a local phenomenon
b) when your eyes are so exposed, you develop effective, if exotic methods of coping...yeah, that sounded lame to me, too - if I were you, I'd go for answer a)
c) it's just the universe's way of teaching humanity gemunstlichnuggen
6) According to Galactic Diplomacy for Beginners, what is the first thing representatives of the Galactic Federation should do upon encountering a new race of aliens?
a) build a sports stadium on its home planet as a show of goodwill
b) destroy several of its major cities as a show of strength
c) have sex with its least loathsome member of the opposite sex (or, if it has more than two sexes, have sex with n-1 of its least loathsome members of n sexes; either way, defining "opposite sex" is a judgment call)
7) Il gafleebin esse vanatu vinatius claptorum. But, then you are confronted with the vacuum of space, and you locked the keys to the door inside the capsule! Echbladd qraqtaq drbbblin qa wa verblemt Ryker wa qa delphinium. Of course, you didn't know that when you flushed the ship's waste out onto their planet. Still, uddle peewatish qwerff?
a) k'flort! K'flort! K'flort! Then, let the lawyers sort it out
b) ambrigorgon fuzzlchut in set quaqua pel strort schleppenzie hult. Of course, if you do, it will be too late to let the lawyers sort it out
c) that depends upon Admiral Ryker's estimation of the situation, but you are guaranteed of one thing. Awqstwerdly tu ta, primitaa tu ta
8) A rocket traveling at .237 light speed leaves earth at 8:32 Galactic Standard Time on a path for Tau Ceti. A second rocket traveling at .327 light speed leaves Andromeda on a path for Tau Ceti at 2:36 GST. How stupid must the pilots be to crash in space?
a) fleigeltron stupid (the fleigeltron, you will recall, were so stupid that they went extinct because they collectively forgot to eat)
b) punching a blastronicom in the snatchblort stupid
c) forgetting to zip up the fly of your spacesuit before an EVA stupid
9) What is the first thought that comes to mind when you find out that the universe you believed you lived in is actually a computer simulation run by sentient machines?
a) "If only I had known, I wouldn't have worried about eating that extra blintz at lunch!"
b) "If only I had know, I wouldn't have worried about having that affair with Margot!"
c) "Well, that explains the popularity of Miley Cyrus!"
d) other
10) Why should you never eat Marulian wombat eggs?
a) you'll have gas until the end of the Hyperbolean Era
b) have you ever seen a Marulian wombat's mother? If you had, you wouldn't need to ask this question
c) the eggs of Archsockl combustion engine worms are much cheaper (and only marginally less edible)
11) Hooga hooga paradigm gort febluchen esta socket wrench paromachid wer tas ichnibbin foam insulation. Foam insulation? Backschnabble. Assuming ichy brit clob gesundheit, what horcking blastoma glorb fram de insecticide maclatchet?
a) ichorizing hort trenchcoat mirt virt Seth Rogen boblinc mercathozine
b) indelible edubkle: "Doctor! Doctor! Paromachid wer Tardis gezundheit! Glug impen tas wer gezundheit? Aah..."
c) only with a machete at high speeds
12) What guidebook must Alternate Reality News Service reporters carry with them at all times?
a) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Multiverse
b) Universal Diplomacy for Beginners
c) Alternate Reality News Service reporters are given a guidebook before being sent into different universes? Really? I think I have to have a little talk with Brenda Brundtland-Govanni...
13) How superstitious are the Beldar Ganoush of Zyklotron III?
a) they would declare total war against my home planet if they knew that they were referred to in question 13 of this quiz (so, please, for the sake of my children, don't tell them)
b) one time, one guy threw salt over his shoulder, only to hit the guy standing behind him, who threw salt over his shoulder and hit a woman standing behind him - before you knew it, half the citizens of the planet threw salt over their shoulders in a daisy chain of superstition that lasted a week and a half, and the best part is that they had to import the salt from earth because it isn't even their superstition
c) they refused to make their sidewalks out of concrete in order to save their mother's backs
14) Sssssssss ssssss sssssssssss sssssssssssss ssss sssssss ssssssss sssssss sss sss ssssssss?
a) sssssssss ssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
b) sssss ssssssss sssssss sssssssss ssss sss sss sss...
c) sorry - we don't negotiate with terrorists
15) Do Jedi Knights go to the bathroom?
a) yes, but only when the camera is not on them (it would diminish respect for The Force...)
b) no: they use the power of The Force to excrete sunshine through their every orifice
c) you have way too much time on your hands, you know that?
16) Fill in the blanks: If ______________ were ______________, ________________ would ride.
a) Foofnarrons; Heirarchqets; pantsuits
b) Cholesterons; effeminate; Monosorbates
c) wishes; horses; Gobstilliards
17) Why did the Fuffnapoli of Bart Prime die out?
a) they discovered invisibility, and ended up not being able to find partners to mate with
b) they were not immune to ITDs (Internet Transmitted Diseases)
c) the Fuffnapoli of Bart Prime only ever existed in the mind of a cruel writer who thought that asking a question about killing them off would be funny
18) When your starship is attacked by the Floogly Bombs of a Dalhous Battle Cruiser/Bed and Breakfast, what do you have to do to keep your reactor core from exploding?
a) throw half a ton of quadro-triticale, 50 gallons of water and a pinch of salt into the reactor. Not only will this cool it down, but it will also make bread for a crew of 3,000 for 10 weeks
b) wait until the last possible moment and give your onboard computer the code that will stop the core explosion
c) tell your chief engineer to fix it - he'll bitch and moan that it canna be done, but in the end he'll do it
19) Fart faaaaaart squeak fart fart fart aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?
a) I'm sorry, I don't speak 3 year-old
b) toot squeak fart FAAAAAAART! And, you'll be hearing from my attorneys!
c) I wouldn't say that near a Flaming Sambuca if I was you
20) How much of the Alternate Reality News Service's reporting on alien creatures do you actually believe?
a) are you kidding? I went to school with Frederica von McToast-Hyphen - practically lost my virginity to her, if you must know - and I believe every word that comes out of her processor
b) are you kidding? I served on the Starship Floating Budget Bloat with Majumder Sakrashuminderather, and I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw a Silurain Barfsnaggle!
c) I only believe the words that I don't understand
